Jesus taught about forgiving someone seventy times seven. 

I read last week that a Rabi taught we should forgive someone three times. 

I’m with the Rabi. Three times seems enough. 

I’ve taught people over the years that we need to forgive people as Jesus taught seventy times seven or 490 times. But where I stand now at sixty three years old, and thirty eight years of ministry, I’m beginning to feel Jesus is a bit excessive when it comes to forgiving people. 

I know I’m a clod and I have offended people and I need to be forgiven, but literally, if I need to be forgiven 490 times don’t you think there’s a bigger issue going on? Round about the fiftieth time don’t you think someone would come along beside me and say, “Steve, you really have a serious problem that you need to address.”

Four hundred and ninety times. I wonder If we keep on forgiving at what point does it become enabling? Does excessive forgiving lead to unhealthy boundaries? When we keep on forgiving someone do we subject our selves to repeated abuse all in the name of following Jesus? 

It’s like the battered spouse who returns seven times to the abuser before contemplating leaving. Why do they do this? In a lot of cases it’s this teaching of Jesus  - forgive seventy times seven. People who are abused, keep allowing the abuser to continue their abuse because Jesus taught us to forgive over and over. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe in forgiveness. But I also have limits to my forgiveness. I’m with the author Lewis Smedes in his book, The Art of Forgiveness.” He writes we forgive someone not for them, but for us. We forgive someone to let go of the bile of anger and resentment their actions have caused us. He also teaches we can forgive someone and still want them held accountable. We forgive someone and still believe they should go to jail. We can forgive someone . . . and this is a huge one . . . and choose not to have the person back in our lives. 

The person who has done you wrong always believes because you have forgiven them that it’s OK for them to be in a relationship with you. That’s simply not the case. To have them come back is called reconciliation. It’s a different process. Jesus said we should be reconciled to each other. Again, I’m not sure about that one. There have been several people I have forgiven and have chosen not to be reconciled to them. 

What about forgiving yourself? Do you forgive yourself seventy times seven? Again, I disagree. At what point does it become you not accepting responsibility for your own actions? If you keep on forgiving yourself you’re like the addict that keeps on forgiving themselves then returning yet again to the bottle, to the needle, to the meth. Again, I agree with the Rabi, forgive yourself three times, after that, it’s time to get help.

When Jesus says to forgive someone seventy times seven I think Jesus is saying become a person of forgiveness so the bile and anger doesn’t build up inside you. It’s a statement that says, “Look, people can be nasty, ugly people. They’ll do you wrong.” Instead of living a life of resentment and revenge, learn how to forgive not for them, but for you. Jesus wants you to live a life of happiness and joy. If you’re not forgiving, you’re drinking poison. 

I’m a Christian, a Pastor, I’m supposed to agree with Jesus on all things. I don’t pretend to know more about forgiveness than the master, I just know abuse when I see it and I don’t believe we constantly subject ourselves to it. 

Jesus forgive me - but I disagree.  

What do you believe? Seventy times seven or three times. 

Maybe I need to think about becoming a Rabi in my next life time.