Cowboy Jesus

On Being Nobody Special

2012-01-14T07:18:00.000-08:00

I find myself caught in the tension between two great truths. On the one hand I’ve been meditating on the mantra, “I am in the daily practice of being nobody.” It’s been a significant mantra for me as it constantly reminds me to let go of my ego and get it out of the way. I am a nobody. I am no one special, outstanding, great or significant. I am just me. A person. A child of God. I need to relinquish the striving and the working to be recognized, to be somebody. That striving is nothing but my ego needing to be recognized. It is one of my most harmful of attachments as it keeps me focused on myself and my accomplishments instead of just being satisfied with today, with right now, with what is in front of me and celebrating this moment. I want to bring to the world what I have to offer not for recognition or praise, but to simply offer it, like a plate of food on the table for someone who is hungry. The other half of this tension lies in my significance as a human being. I was reading from Hafiz this morning, the Sufi poet. Hafiz writes about the brilliance of our lives. Each of us has a significant gift to give to the world that the world desperately needs. It reflects my deep belief that we have all been sent into the world to fulfill a great destiny. We have to choose to embody what God has sent us to do. Haifiz writes, “Splendor taking over the place and rising from your body like a sunrise-god’s sitting on a hill needing to bask in you. For it is true, we help sustain existence.” I love that line, “Splendor taking over the place and rising from your body like a sunrise.” Our lives glow with a beautiful brilliance. I’ve learned long ago that insight is not the either-or, but the both-and. The key hole that opens the slot to understanding lies between these great truths. We are nobody special, but yet, in that “nobody-ness” lies our true significance. We do not need to accomplish anything to be significant. Our significance lies in just being God’s children. Yet, when we live out of that significance and humbly offer what we have to the world, what ever that might be, a sunrise glows from our soul that the world and God can bask in. I am nobody special. You are nobody special. Yet, it is precisely at the moment where we can let go of our ego and simply be ourselves that we glow with radiance.

What is the new thing?

2011-09-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

What is the new thing . . .

What is the new thing that God is doing with your life? Where is God stretching you, pushing you into some new idea, new thought, new relationship, new way of being? Where is God trying to wrench your hands from gripping the way of life that you’re currently living? God is always moving forward, and evolving into something new. The challenge is to keep open and flexible so that you can move forward with God.
I was reading this morning Romans 3. Paul says, “But in our time, something new was added.” God was doing something new with the Jewish faith, yet they clung so tight to their old way of living bound by laws and sacrifice. Paul goes to great lengths to say that the old way of living is dead and gone. There is a new action that God was taking in Jesus that freed them from having to keep laws and daily sacrificing for their sins. Yet, they couldn’t handle the freedom. They couldn’t hear the good news. So they gripped their religion like a beggars fist around a sweaty coin.

Yet, God moved on.

Is this how it is in your faith and spirituality? Are you clinging to an old way of thinking about who and what God is? God literally permeates the universe, and yet we want to see him only through the peephole of our own consciousness. What if I told you that your old way is dead and gone? What if I told you that there is a whole new way of being in a relationship with God that you’re missing out on? Would you close your ears to my words? Would you push me away, or would you let go and see the new thing that God wants to do with your life?
Here is what I want you to do. Open your eyes and see the world around you. I mean really see. See the people, the animals, feel the crisp air as the seasons change. God is in this seeing. Let go of your grip on a person, a thing, a thought, a dream, or a desire. Stop worrying about someone. They’re all right and your worry won’t change a thing. Let it go, let them go, it’s holding you back. Your grasping is gripping your soul. You can only move forward with God if you open up and allow God to flood into you and guide you.
In your time God is adding something new. It’s a gift. If the fist of your soul is clenched you will never receive it.

Moving Cowboy Jesus

2010-08-25T20:33:00.001-07:00

I have an exciting announcement that I want to share with you. I'm moving Cowboy Jesus to a new site. I've just finished creating phase one of my new website, www.drstephenpoos-benson.com. It's been a fun and exciting adventure. You can visit the website, cruise around it if you'd like. You can download sermons, as well as see other things that I'm working on. Most importantly for you, there is a "Blog" button on the navigation bar. Click on it, and it will take you to the Cowboy Jesus page. While the site changes, the tenor of Cowboy Jesus stays the same. I'm hoping to expand my writing over this next year as time permits. You won't be able to respond to any of the posts at first. What's prompted this move is I've had some unwanted guests who have spammed Cowboy Jesus. By closing out the ability to respond, I'm hoping to shut out spammers. If you'd like to respond to a particular post, please send me an email and I'll post your comments.

It has been my prayer that Cowboy Jesus has prompted you to think and expand your relationship to God. As we step into this next phase of Cowboy Jesus I pray that it continues to be a blessing in your life.

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessing!

Drawing Water

2010-08-25T05:24:00.000-07:00

“Therefore, you will joyously draw water from the springs of salvation.”

Isaiah 12:3

As I pray in meditation I see before me a deep well filled to the brim with cool water. The well is surrounded by tall Ponderosa Pines. Wet, damp grass comes up to the edges of the stones that line the well. I bend to my knees and with my hands brush away pine needles that sit on the surface of the water scenting the well with a depth of wood and a tang of sap.

With each prayer my hands dip into the well and I drink deeply. I say a person’s name and drink. I can feel the water flow deep into my throat, into my lungs, and my organs. The name of the person completely fills me.

I say another name, I feel their pain, the crises of their situation, and I dip my hands into the well of God, the water of Christ. I drink deep again.

Name after name, person after person, I dip my hands and drink. I pray for my wife, my children, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my enemies, those in pain, those that are lost, those that need jobs, those that are ill, those that are depressed. I pray for you. I dip my hands and I drink, praying that the waters of Christ would fill these lives as I am filled by the water of God.

Friends, today take a moment, put down your pens, take your fingers off the keyboard, breath deep, dips your hands and drink joyously from the well of God.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings.

Tonglin

2010-08-24T06:25:00.000-07:00

I woke this morning in a cocoon of warmth and comfort. The window at my head was opened to the cool breeze wafting across the sill over my head. My Hoody was pulled loosely around my head. I sleep in a sweatshirt. While I love the window open my head gets cold, so I wear a sweatshirt so that I can be warm and yet enjoy the cool air. By the moist smell in the air, like the smell of a fresh bath, a fresh mountain spring, like what I imagine heaven will smell like, I could tell that it was raining. The comforter was around my chin. Phoebe and the Chihuahua’s sound asleep beside me, I was in a place of bliss, of comfort, and yet, I was in touch with the world’s pain.

It happens to me sometime, I wake up mindful of the pain that people in the world endure. From floods in Pakistan, to soldiers in Afghanistan, to the suffering in cancer wards, I wake up it and feel it in my bones, in the depths of my soul. I used to dread this feeling, as it weighed like heavy hands, a hard rock, it felt like ultimate failure. This changed for me when I learned how to do Tonglin prayer.

Tonglin is a form of Buddhist prayer where the one doing the prayer becomes the vehicle by the which the pain of the world is filtered through the individual. The pain of the world, of a group, an individual is inhaled into the soul and is transformed by the one who is praying into light, love, creativity, and joy. These feelings of hope are then exhaled back out into the universe, or into the presence of the people around them, bathing them in these positive feelings.

The one doing Tonglin practices by being open, present, unafraid of the fear, the toxicity, the anger, rage or resentment that they find themselves in. The Buddhist Nun Pema Chodrin talks about being like a Mountain. In her book, “When Things Fall Apart,” she describes that the person praying is like a Mountian where winds whip, it rains, snow, people hike on it and animals tramp on it, and to use her terms, “People piss and shit on it.” While graphic, I understand the metaphor, because this is how people often treat each other, and treat you. The practice though is to be grounded like the mountain, present and open to all that occurs, not getting hooked or sucked in by the emotions, but being present.

The person praying Tonglin then willingly breaths in the negativity, which sounds strange because usually, you try to distance ourself from this type of toxicity, but instead you inhale the person’s pain, the groups pain, the world’s pain and you allow it be with you. When I pray Tonglin I surround the pain with the spirit of God, the love of God, the presence of Christ. I often hold the image of either Jesus on the cross, or Jesus holding a child, or Jesus being transfigured, I hold the presence of the pain of the person until I feel a sense that God has transformed the pain into love and patience and then I exhale my breath out either into the situation, onto the person I’m with, or out into the world.

I do Tonglin when I’m in hospitals, nursing homes, when I’m stuck in traffic, when I’m in the presence of conflict. I do Tonglin when I’m talking to someone or merely listening to their complaint. I do Tonglin when I wake in the mornings like today, and the world’s pain is as present as if I’ve banged my own thumb with a hammer.

I gently move from the bed, I repeat my mantra, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy on me a sinner.” I hold the sense of being grounded like the mountain. I breath the pain deep and hold it . . .then exhale. I walk out to the couch, settle in, wrap myself in a comforter and continue Tonglin. The presence of God comes to me, huge hands on my shoulders, underneath me, around me. I continue breathing in the pain, allowing God to transform it, and exhale peace back out into the world. Often I continue Tonglin throughout the day.

The Buddhist teaching of Tonglin is that the more people learn this type of prayer the more that we can transform pain into love, peace and joy. I find it a profound way to be willingly in the presence of pain and allow myself to be the vehicle by which God’s presence can work to transform the pain into the lightness of being.

This morning before I started writing to you, I picked up my daily reading of the Moslem, Sufi Poet, Rumi. It’s a great book, “A Year with Rumi.” Today’s poem said this,

August 24

The Breeze At Dawn

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you

Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don’t go back to sleep.

So I wake and I ask that God, the creator of love and joy, the Divine holy one who is present in all pain, violence and toxicity, I ask that God use me to help transform some of the a pain of the world into joy.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings

Some Thoughts on Technology

2010-08-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

It was great being away on vacation. It was a wonderful two weeks to clear my mind and to be with my wife and kids. One of the great parts of vacation was being completely away from technology. No email, no texting, no FaceBook, no cell phone, no voicemail, it was like taking a breath of fresh air. We were camping at 11,000 feet at Mirror lake. With no cell service my kids were forced to put away their smart phones. Guess what we did . . . we talked with one another. We roasted marshmallows around the campfire and made gooey smores. We canoed gently across the lake and caught beautiful Brown Trout. We laughed as my daughter almost capsized the canoe every time she tried to land a trout in the canoe. My kids talked about their joys and fears of their impending college days. Without our phones and computers drawing us into our private world, our only option was to either sit in silence an relish the quiet, or to join together in conversation

Sometimes I wonder about our technology. Does it really bring us closer to one another? Does it really make us more connected? Are we really more grounded to the earth, to God, to Christ, to Buddha, to heaven, to nirvana, to our divine nature? I don’t think so. Every time I take a sabbath break from technology I feel anxiety drain from my system. My soul smooths out. I’m not constantly jumping to respond to texts, or wondering what’s in my email in box. With out my technology I find myself more present to the world around me.

Now, I have to be careful, because I also love my technology. I grip my phone like a wino wringing the neck of a cheap bottle of gin. Every time I take a tecno-break it takes me days to unwind. I jerk like a addict going through DT’s every time someone else’s phone rings. Jam the wireless antennae in my veins and mainline the net into my psyche. I bow at the alter of Macintosh. I covet my Kindle. My iPhone is my iDol.

But maybe because I’m a techo-addict, it’s even more important that I take a sabbath break from it, step back, put it down, turn it off. Walk away. Like I said, ever time I do so, I feel like I find myself, I find God in a new dimension. So if you ever see me and my eye is twitching, or my thumbs are doing some kind of texting spasm, don’t worry, I’m just taking a tecno-sabbath.

When we came down from the mountains it was startling when we hit cell service, each one of our phones went crazy. Beeps, rings, alerts, our phones were buzzing like boozed up bumblebees bouncing between flowers. Guess what happened next, each one of us disappeared back into our solitary world of our smart phones. We were sitting beside each other, lost in the private world of technology.

It’s good to be back. It’s great to be writing. I missed you. O.K. . . .I’m lying. What I really missed is the sleek feeling of the Mac keys beneath my finger tips. I’m a lousy Luddite. Cowboy Jesus can only ride the range if he’s within range of a cell tower.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Turning the Soil

2010-07-31T06:32:00.000-07:00

After last night’s rain I went out to my flower garden and pulled weeds. The weed clumps pulled easily free in the damp soil like a child’s hand being pulled from a sticky sucker. There’s that gentle yeilding as the parent holds the sucker in one hand and the child’s hand in the other. I imagine the weed screaming as the kid would, “Nooo!” Then pop, the sucker pulls free, and the weed clump dangles in my hand. As the weed breaks away the loamy smell of earth wafts up to my nose.

I work hard to make this soil fertile. I mix in different types of manure and fertilizer. I rake it and constantly keep it loose for the plant roots to burrow. Up here in the foothills if you’re going to garden you have to work the soil. It’s rocky and very thin. It constantly takes maintenance. But the effort is well worth it. I have been watching the buds of lilies develop over these past weeks. They are ripening full on their stem. Any day now, if the Deer don’t eat them, they will break into glorious bursts of yellow.

As I pulled the weeds, trimmed the dead flowers, and raked piles to put into the compost I found myself thinking about the parable of the soil. Jesus uses different types of soil to describe the different type of faith that people have. There’s the soil that was sewn on the path and was eaten by the crows. There was the soil that was planted in rocky soil that didn’t have enough depth and so it sprouted and wilted. There was soil that was sewn among the weeds and the planted sprouted, but the cares of the world choked it out. Then there was the seed that was planted in the good soil. This plant blossomed and grew. Every time I read this parable I think to myself, “What kind of soil am I?”

I want to be the good soil. I want to have my faith blossom into a beautiful plant the bears the fruit of the Kingdom of God. But I also know that I have many weeds that want to choke the seed of faith that’s in me. There are also times where the soil of my soul feels rocky, brittle and thin. I often wonder how many seeds of the kingdom God has planted in me that have been eaten by the ravens of the world before they even had a chance to germinate. I know that if I want to be good soil, I have to daily tend it. It takes the same type of intention and care that I give to the soil in the garden. If I don’t want rocky soil in my soul, then I have to break it open, I have to cultivate it, I have to throw in all different types of fertilizer. I have to pull out the sticky suckers that cling to me, anxiety, fear, control, and shenpa. This is the purpose of my spiritual disciplines. Prayer, meditation, scripture, writing, are all ways that I turn the soil of my soul. The things that I mentioned yesterday, exercise, attention to diet, and clothing, are all different ways of turning my soil.

My morning routine is critical for turning my soil. I often wonder about people who wake up and flip on the tube, or turn on their computer and start checking emails and Facebook. When do they turn their soil? People often tell me that they don’t have time for devotions. I often wonder how do you not have time? I would become rocky and thin within weeks, if not days, if I didn’t spend some time turning the soil of my soul.

Speaking of turning my soil, I’m going on vacation for the next two weeks. I will be away from any internet connection. So I won’t be posting any blog entries. It will be a time for me to really dig in and fertilize my soul. I’ll be backpacking, camping, cutting wood, fishing, reading and meditating. I pray that you’ll also take some time turning your soil. Break open your soul and smell the fresh essence of the Spirit of God within you.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Speaking of Worship

2010-07-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

I want to go back to some thoughts on worship. A core aspect of how I approach worship comes from Taoism. One of the Taoist authors that I study is Deng Ming-Dao. He writes that from a Taoist perspective all of life is worship. Worship should not be confined to a space or a time, but it should be reflected in how we approach life. He breaks worship down into nine different fields: diet, herbs, clothing, recitation, movement, meditation, creativity, teaching, compassion. I resonate deeply with this Taoist perspective and find that it compliments my Christian view of worship as stretching out before God.

Diet: I have long believed that what we eat is a reflection of our devotion to God. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. What we eat is literally how we fuel the temple of God. I have learned that diet is one of our greatest areas of personal ignorance. We rarely give thought to what we eat. Over the past two years I have worked to eliminate alcohol, caffeine and lower my salt intake. The discipline has taken my nutritional understandings to new levels. Since doing so, I have become so aware of how our lives revolve around alcohol, caffeine, salt, and sugar. All you have to do is start reading labels to find how salt is loaded into every type of food that we eat. Do this, start keeping a journal of the food that you eat for an entire week. The first time I did this it was transformative. I asked myself, “Is my diet a reflection of my relationship with God?” “Do I live to eat, or do I eat to live?” Is how I eat a reflection of being a good steward of the earth and the creation.” Next time you pull up to Wendy’s and order a burger and a fries, think about your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Would you lay an order of salt and fat on the alter of God as a sacred offering?

Herbs: The study and use of Herbs is a huge Taoist principle that I really know nothing about. It’s on my life time “to-do” list.

Clothing: We don’t talk much about clothing in Christianity. Too bad. It’s a central part of my spirituality. I’m stunned when I walk into people’s homes and they give me a tour and I see gargantuan walk-in closets packed with clothes and hundreds of shoes. I have a few principles that I practice that keep my clothing simplified. When I buy a new article of clothing, I discard an article of clothing. If I haven’t worn something for an entire year, I donate it to Good Will. I have one suit, for weddings and funerals. It’s the same suit I’ve had for twenty five years. I don’t like flashy clothes. For years I wore black pants and white shirts to church as a symbolism of simplicity. I only switched to colored shirts after many people commented that I was looking too much like a Mormon missionary. I reluctantly caved to the pressure. During the week I would be good with jeans and a white shirt and sturdy shoes. I wear Khaki’s only because I know that there are times where I have to dress up my presence for hospitals and meetings. Shoes, I limit myself to ten pairs of shoes, which I still feel is extravagant but I don’t know how to limit them. Each pair is a reflection of certain needs that I have, work, exercise, yard work, etc. Again, when I buy a new pair or shoes, I discard or donate the other.

Recitation: This is prayer, song, chanting, scripture reading, and the practice of silence. I try to have my life revolve around recitation. I begin the day with prayer and scripture reading. I practice silence in my car by turning off the radio. I use the songs from our corporate worship on Sunday to carry me through the week. Recitation keeps me grounded in God’s presence.

Movement: Daily exercise. We are such sedentary beings. I am dedicated to some fort of daily exercise. Again, our body is the temple of God. We exercise to keep the temple clean and healthy. I like to practice many different forms of movement and exercise throughout the week, running, weights, cycling, yoga, Taekwando. I was thinking last week that I want to move swimming one day a week back into my routine.

Meditation: It is my practice to meditate once a day. Taoist and Christian contemplatives believe in twice a day. Meditation is the discipline of learning how to silence the movement of the mind and soul through breathing, posture, and non-attachment. Meditation allows us to cultivate tranquility.

Creativity: It is so important that we get in touch with the creative part of our lives. As God creates, so should we. I play the flute, the guitar, I write poetry, this blog, and a few books that I’m working on.

Teaching: Cultivating and sharing knowledge. I believe we should all be dedicated to life long learning. We should never let our brains sit in idle. We should strive to share what we learn. Keeping our wisdom to ourself is selfishness. The world needs to learn what you know. Teaching is one of the great joys of my life.

Compassion: The simple act of laying aside your personal agenda and extending a helping hand to someone in need. Deng Ming Dao says, “Compassion is a stand against all evil, and it opens your spirit.” Compassion is as simple as a kind word, a gentle deed. It’s as great as laying down your life for a friend.

Worshiping God is that which should consume all of our life. We worship God through the simplest and most mundane aspects of our human existence. If we want to worship God, learn how to cultivate these nine disciplines.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

A Holy Mystery

2010-07-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

My life as been quite a crazy these past few weeks. There are so many loose ends that I wonder how things will ever get done. I leave work each day with a longer to-do list than when I started in the morning. My voice mail and emails keep piling up. I keep telling myself that if I ever get these things accomplished, “It will be a miracle.”

Then suddenly, things happen that feel like small miracles. It feels like God breaking into my life. While they’re not necessarily raising the dead type of miracles, they are subtle enough surprises that remind me of a the Holy in my midst. The other day when I was in a particular funk I had an appointment that felt like a divine intervention. As the person was talking I kept on pinching myself thinking, “wow, this can’t be true. It’s just what I needed.” I could hear God in my head saying, “See, told you! So mellow out.” In another situation where I felt as though I was at a dead end with an issue, a group of people got together and suddenly a new way was found. As I left the meeting I heard God say to me, “How many blessings will it take before you get it?”

When I was doing my devotional reading this morning I found a passage from Luke that spoke to me, “They all realized that they were in a place of holy mystery, that God was at work among them.” The passage spoke to me in a profound way. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not alone, that we are not alone, that God is working among us. God is working in the mundane aspects of our life. God is working in the stack of emails and snail mails, God is working through appointments and meetings. If we can awaken to the divine, be aware of the divine, trust the divine in the midst of the mundane, then all of life is a place of holy mystery.

The challenge that I find is to let go of the grasp that I feel I need to have on life. I need to daily practice what Buddhists would teach as letting go of attachment. We “attach” ourselves to the daily events. When we attach ourselves to the daily events we want to control, we lay value judgements upon each event or person. We say, “This will never work. This person is out to get me. I’m at a dead end with this issue.” But if we practice letting go of Shenpa, the feelings and emotions of attachment, when we let go of the value judgements that we place upon a life event, when we loosen our grip on life, it allows God to work. I have found that when I am able to practice letting go of Shenpa that Paul is right, “All things work for good for those who love God and are called according to Her purpose.”

As crazy has life is, God is present in the craziness. God is working. God breaks into the routine. Life is a holy mystery, God is at work among us.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessing!

Stretching Out Before God

2010-07-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

Marie, one of the faithful readers of Cowboy Jesus, posted the concern about the lack of attendance at worship on Sunday. Here at good ol’ CUC, our attendance always dips during the summer, and our attendance has been declining steadily over the past seven years. She finds attending worship so meaningful, how can people stay away. She loves the community, the friendship, the music, the sermon, the ability to be in the presence of God. How can people stay away from something that she finds so inspiring?

I get this same concern, really I do. As someone who’s whole life revolves around designing worship, preparing for worship, leading worship, writing sermons . . .talk about my life revolving around sermons, they’re always spinning in my head. . .I too am puzzled when people stay away. I especially don’t get it when they don’t like the music, or a particular sermon doesn’t touch them. I always think there’s more to worship than the particulars of the order of worship.

I can only think that somehow church, or worship, lacks a relevance for people’s lives. If it was relevant, they would be beating down the doors to attend. As the one in charge of worship this is a huge challenge as I constantly work to make everything that happens in worship applicable to people’s lives.

But even more than relevant, worship is about stretching out before God. The Hebrew root word for worship means, “Stretching out,” as in laying down, prostrate before God. If worship is anything, it’s providing the place to stretch out before God. Which I think is the core of the challenge. We live in a place, Colorado, where it’s very compelling to stretch out before God in many ways.

I’m a child of the out of doors. My soul opens up when the rhythm of the pedals on my bike match the rhythm of my heart. My soul sings when I’m strolling down a path on Kenosha, my Agrula Paint horse. When I hook a cut throat trout and my fly line begins to zing, my heart and soul whoop it up. There’s a faithful member of our church who’s shared with me what he calls “The Christian conundrum.” He loves to worship in the sanctuary of CUC, but he also loves to worship in the sanctuary of Mary Jane at Winter Park ski area on a powder day. He’s told me repeatedly that he feels guilty for not being in church. I repeatedly give him blessing to stretch out before God on his ski’s.

I tell people while I love to have them worship in the building of CUC, and while I miss them when they’re not there, what I’m really after is getting people to stretch out before God. I think the key is balance. If all you’re doing is stretching out before God in the world, then you’re missing the power of worshiping in a community, of singing, praying, having your soul dance to the rhythm of a couple hundred others souls at the same time. At the same time if you only worship within the walls of a building, you miss the glory of finding God in the world around you. If worship is about making God relevant to our lives, then I want to empower people to find God every where they look.

I often wonder what my worship attendance would be like if I wasn’t a pastor. Sometimes I joke that God knew that the only way She could get me to church would be to pay me to go. If I’m honest, I would be with Rudi on the Slopes on powder days. But I also know that my soul needs to be with others. I love singing, praying, meditating and being with other folks. I love the organ, drums, guitars, singers, and images on Keynote. Something profound happens in my own life when I preach and teach. I feel a “holy other” take over my body when I’m in leading a class or preaching a sermon. So I guess I need both. My soul stretches out in many ways. It is, though, a constant challenge to make sure that worship touches people’s hearts and inspires them. We have to constantly keep up with new worship trends so that what we’re doing is relevant for people’s lives. It’s why I’m constantly tinkering and trying new things.

And you . . .where does your soul stretch out? Where do you find yourself worshiping God? Why do you go to worship in a building? Why do you stay away? Is there something I’m missing as one who designs worship? What could I, or could we, as worship leaders do differently?

May you find a myriad of ways to allow your soul to stretch out before God today!

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Through Navajo Country

2010-07-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

I’m taking my son Taylor to visit Northern Arizona University. We drove West out of Denver to Grand Junction and then South on the Eastern side of Arches National Park, down through Southern Utah and the Navajo Reservation. I was stunned by what I saw.

It was my first time through this canyon country. As we followed the Colorado River I pulled over around every bend to just stare in silence at the Rock so red it looked like it was stained from the blood of the spires slicing up out of the ground. I was mesmerized by the wind and the water that had shaped and worn these pillars over countless thousands of years. Of course, Taylor brought me to my senses, “Dad, they really need to put a theme park in here. A roller coaster ride zooming through the rock and arches would be soo cool.”

We drove south out of Moab, now there’s a funky town. Moab is trying to not be an old hippy desert rendevous, and wanting to become a trendy art happening place. But the mountain bikers and road riders who see this town as their own slick rock Mecca to come and worship the miles of smooth road, and back trial riding keep pulling the town to it’s dusty roots. We were on a time schedule, so I didn’t get to spend really any time in Moab. It’s a definite, “I’ve got to return back here” trip with my own bikes.

We drove south through the Utah and into the Navajo Reservation. Again, I was stunned by the beauty of the Rock Spires. Of course I had seen books and paintings of these spires, but it’s something totally else being in their presence. I know people make spiritual pilgrimages to Jerusalem, Bethlehem, and Rome. Some people need to see where Jesus was born. They need to stare up at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. They need to gaze at Michelangelo’s fresco to see the finger or God touching the finger of Adam.

I don’t.

I don’t need to make these type of pilgrimages. I don’t think I’ll ever make it over across the pond to see these sites. I don’t need to. My Holy of Holies are in places like this vast open space of the Reservation where red rock spires rise up out of the desert floor, huge vast monoliths of etched time. At one point Taylor said, “Look at that Spire, it looks like God.” I had to nod in agreement. The hand of God touching the soil of the earth.

The night before it had rained hard. The red sand was a slick mud. Deep puddles had formed on this barren earth that had drunk to satiation the night before. The air for the middle of July was surprising moist and cool. We turned off the air conditioner in the car, rolled down the windows and let the soft breeze blow over us like a spiritual breath from the sacred other.

We switched driving. I just wanted to stare. I drifted off in my imagination to thoughts of Jesus. I found myself wondering what Jesus would have thought if he had seen these rocks, this place, this expanse. I found myself thinking about prayer and how my thoughts on prayer are so different from Jesus. This Sunday I’m preaching on prayer. I’m taking up the passage where the disciples ask Jesus to teach them how to pray. He tells them to be specific, to ask directly for what they want from God. “Ask, seek, knock,” Jesus says. Bang on God’s door until God answers your prayers. I disagree with Jesus here. Or what I realized is that this might be a good way to start praying for those who are just beginning to learn how to stand in the presence of the divine. The disciples were beginners. They saw what Jesus was doing and they wanted to learn how. When he taught them how to pray he was leading them into the shallow end of the pool. I always forget to do this. My inclination is to throw people into the ocean and let them swim. They usually end up drowning. I was reminded of this when someone this past week when someone asked me how to pray. I started talking about meditation, deep breathing, and following the essence of the divine. Their eyes glazed over and I knew that I had lost them in the deep end of the spiritual pool. I backed up. I imagined taking them down the steps of the shallow end. I said, “Be specific, ask God for what you need. Ask, seek knock. Build a relationship with God like you were talking to your best friend.” They didn’t have a Bible. I was stunned that a mid forties person didn’t have a bible. “Here, take mine. I’m sure I can find another.” I could see the lights go on in his soul. “Do this for a month, set another appointment and then we’ll talk again.” I have to remember that you have to learn how to be comfortable in the water before you can even start dog paddling around, let alone going out to the deep end, or swimming beyond the breakers out into the ocean. I know I’m mixing my metaphors here, pools, oceans, deserts, and spires. But they all speak to me about prayer, and sliding into God’s presence.

As I drove through the Res I found myself thinking, “I wonder what Jesus would have taught about prayer if had lived until he was fifty? How much more would he have been able to expand on his understanding of being in the presence of the divine if he hadn’t been murdered. Those damn Romans. As we drove across the Mesa’s it dawned on me that this might just be our calling. We who have lived twice, even three times the life time that Jesus lived, need to share what we know about prayer and spirituality. Jesus would have wanted us to. He would not have wanted us to be limited in our thinking. He would have wanted us to expand on his teaching. He himself said, “Greater things will you do.” It freed me to be comfortable with my thoughts on prayer and meditation. I felt Jesus blessing me to go on beyond himself.

As I drove I thought to myself, “I wish Jesus had seen this. It would have opened up his thoughts on prayer. Or maybe he already felt this type of spiritual expansiveness, but kept it to himself, not wanting to throw his disciples into the ocean before they knew how to swim. Prayer for me is the ocean. Prayer for me is this vastness. Prayer is like driving through this huge expanse. Prayer is being in the presence of these vast rock pillars, allowing my soul to soar like Red Tail Hawks screeching in the afternoon air.

So we drove on. We stopped, stared, took pictures, and talked together, father and son mesmerized by the beauty around us, which in it’s own right is so cool. How wonderful to share this with Taylor. That in it self was quite the prayer. Today we walk around NAU. Then off to the Grand Canyon. I can only imagine what my soul will do then.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Suffering for our Faith

2010-07-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

My dear friends and readers of Cowboy Jesus,

I’m wanting to make sure that my writing is relevant to your life and faith. I’m wanting to continue posting an a regular basis, but I need more material. I would love to have you share with me the questions and the issues that you wrestle with so that I may address them here on Cowboy Jesus. You can either post your questions here on the blog or you can email me your thoughts at stevepoosbenson@me.com. I will keep your name confidential. I would love to hear from you.

Now having said that, I’ll be away from the Blog until next week. I’m retreating up to my sacred place for several days to meditate, read and write. I’ll pick the blog back up next week, but please write.

The passage that I was meditating on this morning is philipians 1:27-30. A line jumped out and grabbed me, “There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.” Wow, when was the last time I suffered for my faith? I can’t remember when. Sure people have ridiculed me, called me silly names, condemned me to hell, blah, blah, blah, but suffered for my faith - I don’t think I ever have. If I did have to suffer, it makes me wonder how much I would be able to endure, and how strong I really could be.

The readers of Philippians knew what it meant to suffer. Stuck in the midst of the Roman persecution where claiming to be a follower of Jesus meant that you were putting not only your life on the line, but that of your spouse, your children, your friends and extended family. The persecutions of the empire under Nero were ugly and violent. Yet, during the time of persecutions the faith in Christ flourished. People found tremendous hope by looking at these followers of Jesus who willing put their life on the line for their faith. Paul himself knew what it meant to suffer. He was run out of towns, beaten, whipped, stoned, and imprisoned, all to the effect that he kept on teaching, writing and sharing what he believed. The most I have to suffer through are long church meetings (which can at times feel like I’m stuck in jail), the periodic church conflict (which is eerily similar to a spiritual stoning) and the occasional person who doesn’t like a sermon.

But suffering . . .having someone track me down, drag me from my home, put me in jail for what I set my heart onto. Suffering . . . enduring bodily hardship, pain, torture for my beliefs? I’ve never been asked to go down that path. I wonder how brave I would be? I wonder if I could go on so boldly proclaiming what I believe. Would I be able to count it as a gift to be suffering for my faith?

I doubt it.

I can be a bit of a wimp.

I hate conflict.

The first time a Roman guard rattled my door with a saber and told me to knock it off, I probably would. I would hope I wouldn’t. I would hope I would have the courage to stand up for what I believe no matter what the opposition, but I really with a Roman guard putting a knife to my neck, I’m afraid the first words out of my mouth might be, “Hail Caesar.”

Seriously, we really have it easy. All we’re asked to do is it trust in Christ. We’re not pushed, prodded to do anything for our faith. Sure I badger folks to come to worship, fill out pledge cards, minister in the name of Christ, be his ambassadors, but I can’t remember the last time I asked someone to suffer. My guess is that it wouldn’t go over to big. I doubt it would make for a great marketing campaign. “Come to our church where suffering is celebrated!”

It makes me ponder. Because we don’t have to suffer I feel as though I want to treasure the opportunity to freely explore all dimensions of the spiritual world. Often times I hold myself back fearing what people will really feel about me. I shouldn’t be held back by these silly fears. If folks don’t like what I say, they are free to post anything they want in disagreement, or simply not read the blog. Because there is no police officer banging on my door in the middle of the night telling me, “Quit writing that stupid blog” I want to make sure I project my thoughts and beliefs as far and as wide as I can . . .because it just dawned on me, as I was writing this sentence . . .there are some people who have access to this blog in nations around the world for whom thinking this way is illegal. Or maybe they live in a family situation where spiritual exploration will bring down emotional and spiritual suffering. Maybe they participate in a faith community where questioning outside of the box will bring ridicule. Maybe this little blog is a bit of a safe haven where they get to spread their spiritual wings a bit. I do know that folks are reading this in some pretty far reaches of the globe. Wow, Stephen, insight . . .I’ve got to take this little blog a little more serious. Who really knows who’s reading this thing. That’s even more reason why it’s so important that you share with me your questions and issues. By dealing with your questions and ideas, we might be covering aspects of the faith that others are in some way dying to have explored.

So let’s get on the stick. Let’s think and ponder together. I’m grateful that I don’t have to suffer for what I believe about God, about Jesus, about the world. So let’s not take this freedom for granted. May we relish in our freedom and work to free those who are in chains, literally or spiritually.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

The Ultimate Water

2010-07-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

From . . .

Having Nothing

Be thirsty for the ultimate water

then be ready for what will come

pouring from the spring.

Rumi

The poem speaks to that which I long for in my life, the fountain of ultimate water. I long to plunge my face deep in the pool of God and drink from the vast depths of God’s being. I strive to open my eyes to the ultimate water in the world around me. When I open my eyes to seeing the potential of God’s presence in everything, I see the divine permeate every person, every aspect of existence.

Jesus said, “If anyone thirsts, let them come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believe in me this way” (John 7). I find that when I pour myself into my relationship with God, when I drink from the depths of Christ, that I’m full to the point of spilling over into the world around me. The blessings of God well up in an abundance of thanksgiving.

Notice that Jesus says that not only is he the well, but we also become a well for other people to drink from. When we so fill ourselves with God’s presence it brims and overflows from us to the people around us. We become a place for people to find a cup of cool water to drink from.

Think about your life and your soul. What is brimming and pouring forth from you? Do people find you as being a cool drink of blessing on a hot scorching day? Do they find grace and peace? Or is your pool acidic and alkaline? Too many people fill their lives with the clutter of negativity. They are surrounded by negative people, destructive habits, and oppressive work environments. The well that they drink from is a septic tank of emotions. That which pours forth them is only a reflection of their souls.

From what are you drinking? Are you plunging your face into the pool of the divine? Are you drinking from that which pulls you into God’s presence? I pray that you are. For as you drink from the ultimate water, you become the source for others to be invited into God’s presence.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Cowboy Jesus

2010-07-12T06:07:00.000-07:00

I finished Levi Peterson’s book, “Backslider.” It’s a great fun read. If you like reading this blog, you’ll like reading “Backslider.” I was turned on to the book by a reader of this blog who told me that there’s a Cowboy Jesus Character in the book. I was shocked. How could someone steal my idea of Cowboy Jesus? So I ordered the book from Amazon and dove in. Sure enough, there he was Cowboy Jesus. I have to give Peterson credit, not only did he come up with Cowboy Jesus first, the book was published in 1986, but he did an awesome job portraying Cowboy Jesus as I know him.

What’s interesting is that Cowboy Jesus plays a minimal role in the book. He really only appears once a the very end. The main character is Frank who considers himself a spiritual backslider. For those of you not in the lingo of the spiritually infirm, a Backslider is one who constantly slips away from the demands and disciplines of the faith. What’s particularly interesting is that Frank is a Mormon. The book is an interesting exploration of the Mormon faith. Frank’s problem is that he can’t live up to what he perceives are the demands of God and the church. Frank wants to be holy but he’s pulled by the desires of his emotions and heart. Frank is a rancher in the canyon country of Utah. Frank loves the out of doors. He loves to hunt, fish, drive his blue truck and ride his horse Booger. Frank loves to eat. He loves ham, steak, hamburgers, fries and milkshakes. Frank loves to go to the movies on Friday night with his wife Marianne. Frank loves sex. Don’t read the book if sexual scenes embarrass you. Peterson doesn’t blush when he writes. Frank is caught because he feels as though he has to give up everything he loves to be acceptable to God. His young wife Marianne can’t figure Frank out. She’s a Lutheran. She tries to convince Frank that Jesus is good and loving. The books is knotted around the tension of Frank’s faith and what he calls his, “carnal” emotions.

I laughed my way through the book as I saw so many of my own spiritual struggles when I was a young man about Frank’s age. My guess is that at one time we all struggled, or maybe still do, with issues like Frank. Here God has given us this beautiful life to live. He’s given us a gorgeous creation filled with amazing scenery and beautiful animals. God has given us wonderful food to eat. Last night I reveled in my favorite dinner, T-bone steak hot of the grill, corn on the cob, fresh broccoli. I don’t need to mention my love of animals, especially horses, you know that about me. I love my wife and everything about her. Sex, I’m right there with Frank. I love my truck, my saddle, my bike, my guitar. I love flowers and summer. It’s a beautiful life that God has given to us. What baffles me is this notion that some people have that we need to forfeit the pleasures of the world in order to be holy and acceptable to God. I still can’t get over how some religions and some people reject it all to focus on God. There are some very spiritual people who renunciate all these “earthly” pleasures to be more available to God. This is so not me. I’d stink as a celibate. I might be good at it for a few days, maybe even a few weeks but then, well you know, I’d start craving my wife, not to make you blush or anything. Personally I find God through the wonderful things of the world. I find God when I drive across South Park in my truck, the windows down, singing along with a western song from my ipod. That’s another thing . . .technology, I love my technology. My technology gives me access to God in profound ways. I love my Mac, my iPod, my iPhone. I just got a Kindle and I love it! I’m able to write this blog via my Mac. I guess you might call me a materialist and I’d have to agree. I used to think that I was way too focused on these material possessions. It could be. I try to walk a fine line between owning possessions and having them own me. But, they are a wonderful vehicle by which I revel in the presence of God through the world around me.

So in rides Cowboy Jesus. I don’t want to give the book away for those who want to read it, but Peterson has Cowboy Jesus down perfectly! I must be on the same spiritual wave length as Peterson because we envision Cowboy Jesus in exactly the same way. My only problem is that I wish he had developed Cowboy Jesus way more than he did. Maybe that’s my job. Hopefully this is what this blog’s about. But Cowboy Jesus rides in and helps Frank understand the goodness of life and the goodness of God. The book ends with a great sense of blessing and celebration. I cheered for Frank at the end of the book.

Hopefully Cowboy Jesus can speak to all of us. Sometimes backsliding is the best way to enjoy the presence of God. Sometimes the spiritual striving for holiness might be that which pulls us away from the presence of God. Take this morning for example. I woke up to a beautiful morning. I went to my couch for my devotions. I read the Green Book and it felt flat. I opened to the scripture reading and it just didn’t speak to me. I tried meditating and I felt bored. So I grabbed my Mac, came out to my garden where I have flowers blooming, a pond gurgling, the horses in the corral looking at me like it’s time for breakfast, I start writing to you and bingo . . .I feel surrounded by God. Could it be that the greatest prayers are sometimes done with our eyes open? Sometimes are the best hymns sung along with the radio on a summer evening? Isn’t the best stain glassed window a petunia crimson red in the morning sun? I got to think so. At least for my heart it is. This is what Cowboy Jesus says to me.

So let’s ride on. Let’s revel in life and sing God the praises. God bless you Cowboy Jesus. May you always ride in my soul!

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings

I Am the Resurrection

2010-07-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

My dreams last night were of people dealing with cancer. I’ve had several conversations with people lately about how they’re lives are engulfed with this particular illness. It’s such a dreaded disease. We all hold the fear of someday hearing the “C” word. I imagine that each and every one of us has been affected by cancer. We either know someone who has died from it, or who has suffered through surgeries, chemo, and radiation. My life revolves around supporting, loving, listening to, and praying for those who are dealing with cancer. So I wasn’t surprised when my dreams last night were of being with those who have cancer.

One particular dream stood out. I was sitting with a large family that had come around a woman who was dealing with cancer. The family was lifting the person up, encouraging them, helping them focus on life and living. All wonderful things. But the pastor in me was becoming a bit uncomfortable in the dream, people were anxious about death and dying. I could feel it in my soul. They were shying away from talking about the very real possibilities of death for this person. In the dream the family turned toward me and asked me to share my thoughts . . .always a dangerous thing to do.

The first words out of my mouth were, “Jesus said, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Those that live and believe in me shall never die. Even though they die, yet shall they live’” (John 11:25). I had the group repeat the verse to me over and over. It was a mantra of sorts in the dream. I then told the group of people that while it is good and positive to focus on life, we must not be afraid of death or shy away from it. For in death there is the most glorious thing of all, resurrection. While we don’t know the specifics of what happens, we do know that we are to be with God in the fullness of God. I closed again by repeating, “I am the resurrection and the life.”

I woke up with the verse in my heart and on my tongue. I began silently repeating it as I got up from the bed, slipped on my crocks and went out and made coffee. I repeated the phrase as I opened the door and stepped out into the cool morning air. As the coffee steamed in my palm and i breathed deep the sun rise I repeated, “I am the resurrection and the life. Though you die, yet shall you live.”

It’s a mantra that I don’t think we can repeat enough to ourselves. Of course our lives our focused on living and thriving each day. Yet, each day could bring to us either our own death or the death of someone that we love dearly. As death waits silently for each one of us at a given, yet unknown time, we must remember the promise of Christ to us, “Though we die, yet shall we live.” It is a mantra that guides my day, my night, my dreams, my life and my living.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Pour On the Love

2010-07-08T05:10:00.000-07:00

Who are you in conflict with in your life? If there’s one thing that I’ve learned over my years of ministry is that everyone is always in conflict with someone. It’s just unavoidable. As much as I try to be generous, patient, loving, and compassionate with people, I still find myself crossed up with someone, and oh, if it were only one person.

I’m not someone who likes conflict. I actually abhor it. When I feel conflict coming, my stomach tightens up a bit, my breathing gets short, and I want to go find a hole, duck into it and hide until the conflict passes. Yet, it rarely does. The person I’m in conflict with often sits right at the edge of the hole until I come out and deal with the issue directly.

I found myself thinking about conflict this morning as the “Green Book” devotional guide that I use had me meditating on 2 Corinthians 2:1-11. In the passage Paul is dealing with the conflict that a certain unnamed person is bringing into the church. Paul urges the congregation to deal with the person and the conflict not by pouring on guilt, but instead by pouring on love. I love that insight.

What would it look like for you to pour love onto the person that you’re crossed up with? I believe pouring on love begins with praying for this person, basking this person in the presence of God. Pouring on love means requesting God to pour an abundance of blessing upon them. Pouring on love means praying that God would open a pathway of understanding between you. Pouring on love means grounding yourself in God’s presence so that as you engage the conflict you always see this person as a child of God.

Pouring on love might mean extending greater patience, taking another deep breath, and trying yet again to listen to their needs and the source of the conflict.

Pouring on love might also mean holding your ground, maintaining a healthy boundary. Pouring on love doesn’t mean we become a spiritual door mat or become co-dependent in unhealthy relationships. I’ve seen many people become entangled in nasty conflicts because they were immeshed in co-dependent relationships. The greatest love that we can show people is to draw clear boundaries and maintain them. Pouring on love might insist on people taking responsibility for their lives and withdrawing your financial support. Lives have been ruined in the name of love by people funding the negative, destructive habits of others.

I find Paul’s closing insight helpful, “Christ is with us, guiding us.” When I engage in conflict I try to remind myself that I am not alone. Christ is with us in the midst of conflict. I find that it helps ease the anxiety around conflict if I keep myself focused on Christ and his presence, knowing that ultimately it will be Christ who leads me forward.

May God fill you with all richness and insight as you pour love on those around you.

SPB

Spiritual Blessing and Power!

Spilling Over Into Thanksgiving

2010-07-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

As I sat and prayed this morning I found that my heart was overflowing with thanksgiving. I’ve felt like I’ve been basking in blessing after blessing after blessing. I couldnt’ hep but say over and over, “Thank you God, thank you God, Thank you God.” I was reading Colossians this morning where the author writes, “Our prayers are always spilling over into thanksgivings” (1:3). I read that I said to myself, “Yes, that’s how I feel this morning, my prayers spilling over into thanksgiving.” I feel like a large glass of fresh water that just keeps spilling and yet is constantly being filled.

Riding horses across the prairie with my wife, daughter, and sister in law. Everywhere we looked we were surrounded by the peaks of the Mosquito range. The sky was crystal blue. I felt myself melding with the glory surrounding me. My prayers spilling over into thanksgiving.

Wrapped in down blankets with my wife, kids and friends, sitting on the embankment above the Fairplay reservoir oohing and awing as fireworks blasted sprays of color above us. We were freezing and laughing for hours. My prayers spilling over into thanksgiving.

Eating a nectarine that was as gold as the sun, it’s juice spilling down the palm of my hand, onto my wrist, it’s velvet fruit bathing my mouth with flavor. My payers spilling over into thanksgiving.

Repairing fences that the horses had broken through. The fence stretcher pulling together strands of broken wire like loose ends of a person’s life. Pinching them together with the staple and pliers, the fence was taught again, shining in the sun. I was alone, it was quiet save the breeze of the afternoon. The horses curious as to my work, watched intently. They tried to help in every way they could, knocking over the bucket of staples, getting tangled in the wire, sneaking out the open gate. It was pure joy. My prayers spilling over into thanksgiving.

The cool evening mucking stalls. Scooping out the manure, raking the hay from the breeze way, filling the water tanks. The horses quiet, chewing their hay content as babies at a mothers breast. It’s doing this work that I do some of my best praying. I remind myself that life for many people is as mucky as these stalls. I pray for God’s presence in their life. I flip off the light and head back into the house. The dark of the evening settling around me. My prayers spilling over into thanksgiving.

And you, where is your life spilling over into thanksgiving?

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

The Big Bad Cowboy at the Top of the Driveway

2010-07-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

My early morning meditations were interrupted by the wild bleating of a baby fawn outside my window. There have been several new fawns in the woods around our house. The other day driving down the road a newborn fawn was standing all shaky leggs right on the dotted line. Traffic had come to a stand still as the little thing tried to decide which way to go. The fawn darted left, then right, it’s feet went out from underneath it and it slammed on the pavement. My temptation was to run out into the road, scoop it up like I wish God would do for us, and hide it back on the banks of Turkey Creek. Just as I opened the door to do so, he skittered off in the bush himself.

This morning’s incident seemed a little less innocent than the fawn on the road, although it is the way of the Spirit of God in the woods. I ran out in the dusk of dawn looking for where a fawn was bleating only to fine a large coyote dragging off a baby fawn down the road at the base of our drive way. The fawn was bleating frantically, it’s little legs grabbing for any traction it could to pull away from the jaws of the coyote. I yelled at the Coyote, “Hey you! Let it go. Pick on something a little more your size - like an elk!”

The coyote stopped in his tracks, looked at me rather indignant. I charged down the drive way towards the coyote with the fawn still in the grip of his jaws. The coyote dropped the fawn, who all bug eyes and terrified went skittering up the road past me. I swear I could hear the fawn whisper as it ran by me, “thank you, thank you, thank you and where’s my momma!” The coyote and I had a stare down. I yelled, “Git!” and stomped a foot toward him. He slunk down the road. I cursed him as he trotted off, “Damn bully!” I was reminded that my favorite cat was drug off by one of these rascals last winter.

I went back in the house, grabbed some coffee, stuck my hat on my head, and went back outside and stood at the top of the drive way, waiting. Sure enough the coyote had come back and was heading up the road looking for his breakfast. “Not so fast” I yelled. I charged back down towards him. He looked at me confused, which to be honest standing there I would have confused any one, beast or human. I was wearing shorts, a hoody, a cowboy hat and Crocks. The coyote had a look like “Who are you and why are you yelling at me?” From his perspective he wasn’t doing anything wrong. His eating the fawn was nothing more than me eating eggs and bacon for breakfast. Maybe so, but to me, the gray coyote looked like a mangy beast picking on an innocent little thing who was doing nothing more than waiting silently in the tall grass up above my home in a grove of Ponderosa’s. “Shoo!” I yelled.

As I walked back inside I thought to myself, “Where the heck was momma deer?” I reminded myself that these fawns are often left to fend for themselves sometimes for days as the Does forage for food. The only protection the fawn has is the camouflage of their spotted coats.

I went back inside to resume my meditation, all to no avail. I’d close my eyes and all I’d see was the fawn in the jaws of the coyote. I kept going back outside looking for that mangy old wild dog. This morning the prayers would have to wait. As I stood at the top of the drive way, sipping coffee, on the look out for that rascal my mantra was, “Thy rod and thy staff protect me.” I thought of Jesus teaching the disciples, “I send you off as lambs in the midst of a wolf pack.” I thought to myself, “I wish if Jesus is going to send us out into the world at least as innocent as fawns, he could give us some type of Spiritual Taekwando that we could use against the bully’s of the world, “Hi-ya! I break your neck in the name of Christ!” But no, all he gives us is our wits and our faith. It would be nice if God would stand watch over us like some crazy bandy legged cowboy with his hat scrunched on his head, his coffee in his hand daring the bully’s of the world to come pick on us. But usually not. God sends us and we’re as often unprotected as that little fawn hiding in the shrub.

Well, not this morning, by God. That fawn is going to be safe until it’s momma comes home. I sat there until the sun was up, the other neighbors were milling around and that coyote was deep back in his own day time den. Can I keep the fawn safe everyday? Of course not. That same little one might find it’s way back in the middle of the road or in the jaws of a mountain lion by this afternoon. It is the way of the Tao, the Spirit of God. All animals live to be eaten by some other animals. Which reminds me, I’m hungry, it’s time for breakfast. But I will think I’ll skip the eggs and eat some granola instead.

SPB

Spiritual Blessings and Power

Out for a Spin

2010-06-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

An early morning bike ride found me flying along the empty pavement through an open meadow. There was no traffic, I was alone with the morning. The sun, just rising, graced the tall grass that swayed in the morning breeze. Crickets began chirping in the rising heat. Meadowlarks sang back and forth to each other their trumpet sounds heralding the new day. My legs spun unthinking on the pedals. As I rode I found myself slipping into that joyous place of being one with the world. The holy eye of the divine opened within my soul. My conscious self disappeared and I emerged into a sacred world of divine presence. If only for a few moments I felt the movement of God, the presence of the Great Tao, the expansive nothingness of Nirvana.I rode unthinking basking in this great presence. I felt myself return back to my body as my feet began to numb on the pedals. I thought to myself, “This is God, this is God, this is God.” As I rode I felt as if I was in the grandest cathedral, no stain glass window could match the glory of the royal blue sky. The alter that I placed my hands on were the handles of my bike. My mantra that I repeated was the spinning of my legs.

God’s presence permeates all around us. Awaken, awaken, awaken to the divine glory.

On Not Following the Crowd

2010-06-29T05:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was working through a time of self doubt and I shared some of my concern with one of my mentors. His response to me was simple and yet profound, “I am sure you will find the way for you have great experience in not following the crowd.” That was it. Simple, to the point, nothing more, yet it opened up a door of understanding that has blossomed like an Iris in my soul. Let me share with you some of my thoughts on this for if you’re going to be a Cowboy Jesus, you too will have to develop great experience in not following the crowd. I’ll actually be wanting to return to this thought periodically in the blog for it brings a great deal of insight to me.

I have never been content to follow the crowd. I am skeptical of crowds. I have always felt that crowds huddled together for safety often stamped in wild directions, trampling innocent people in the process. Instead I have wanted to wander, explore, and pursue other ideas and notions. I have actually felt God calling me to avoid the crowds with the sure belief that God will somehow guide me through the wilderness I’ve been sent to explore.

This is for me the first great insight that I have when it comes to not following the crowd, you have to believe that God is indeed, if not leading you, then God is with you as you wander the wilderness. This is huge because there are those in the crowd who will accuse you of being wrong, of being mislead, of being evil, satan, whatever. As soon as you step away from the crowd the crowd becomes anxious at it’s own identity and will do everything in it’s power to either exclude you or ostracize you. But you have to believe in the depths of your being that while they have the authenticity of their experience, so do you. If you’re going to wander the theological wilderness, if you’re going to be a Cowboy Jesus and cut through religious fences and camp on the open plains of no-understanding, you have to feel in your heart that you’re wandering is a blessing not only to you, but to God. God loves your crazy thoughts and creative contemplations. God loves when you step away from the normal. God is honored when you strive to build bridges and make connections between seemingly different ideas. I’m reminded of a quote that a friend of mine repeats like a mantra, “All who are wander are not lost.”

I find my example in Jesus, the first great Cowboy Jesus who was the model of stepping away from the crowd. He was not at all afraid to step away from the religious structures of his time. He wandered and roamed through vast theological expanses. Through is wanderings he found a close, intimate relationship with God. He didn’t need a religion to tell him what to believe. His faith in God transcended beliefs and religious doctrines and was born out a living experience with God. His wanderings brought him so close to God that it filled him with joy, a joy that he wanted to share with all people.

It’s the same kind of joy that I feel. My relationship with God is born out of my experience with God. I long ago gave up studying religious doctrine seeking guidance for my faith from confessions and creeds. Doctrines do nothing more than keep you huddled in the crowd. No, my soul needs to wander and roam. Hopefully so does your soul. I guess it does or you would never be reading this blog.

I want you to know that God blesses your spiritual wandering. God loves your questions and contemplations. God loves that you’re willing to step away from the orthodox, the known, the structured, the crowd. Just because you wander does not mean you’re lost. Your wanderings are blessed because through them you will be drawn to a deep and profound joy that comes from an intimate relationship with God who is found out in open spiritual frontier.

More on what it means to step away from the crowd in later blogs, until then, wander my friends, wander and wonder, celebrate and bask in the joy of God’s presence out away from the crowd. it’s the heart of Cowboy Jesus.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

On Loving All People

2010-06-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was told by a church member that a friend of theirs was shocked that I preach and teach that Buddhist’s and Gay and Lesbian people are going to heaven. The friend wasn’t shocked because they found the message of God’s abundant love beautiful, wonderful, generous, and grace filled, rather they were shocked because they felt how could a Christian believe these things. I guess I find myself wondering how can a Christian not believe these things?

I had a conversation this past weekend where a few people have withdrawn from wanting to be in conversation with me because I teach and strive to model God’s unconditional positive regard for all people. I find this rather curious. Why would you want to withdraw from God’s unconditional love? While on the surface these people tell me that God’s unconditional love is not scriptural, it’s not what Jesus taught, it’s not what the church teaches, so they withdraw from God’s unconditional love out of sense of fear that they are violating a great religious truth. I rather feel that they withdraw from God’s unconditional love because of a deep spiritual flaw they feel within their own soul.

Why is it so hard for us to open ourselves to the great love that God holds for all people? Why is it so hard for us to see that God loves all people regardless of the religious or spiritual labels that we wear on the lapels of our soul? Why do we chaff at the idea that God can work through all religious traditions. I’m personally getting to the point where I find religious labels stifling and limiting. While the label “Christian,” “Buddhist,” “Hindu,” are helpful to categorize a certain body of teachings, I also find them limiting as they ultimately put God and divine teachings in spiritual boxes. I find myself wanting to say that I’m all of them, or none of them. My love of God and love of humanity embraces all people from all religious traditions regardless. The only people I really don’t welcome being around are those people who don’t openly welcome being around other people.

I’ve been meditating on Galatians 5:13-18. There is one verse that Paul writes that I have been repeating like a mantra in my soul. In verse 13-15 Paul writes, “For everything that we know about God’s word can be summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself.” I guess that’s pretty simple isn’t it? How can we make it any clearer? There’s no judgement, no condemnation, no qualifications, it’s pretty simple and straightforward, love others as we love yourself.

Ahh . . .but there’s a catch in that teaching isn’t there. The ability to love others first stems from the ability to love oneself. Maybe that’s the root of the problem. Maybe teaching about God’s abundant love is too obvious, too simple, to readily understandable. Maybe the radical message that I need to teach is the deep need to love and accept our own selves, our own bodies, our own lives, our own souls.

Here all along I’m thinking I need to teach and preach about God’s unconditional positive regard for all people, when what I really should have been doing is preaching and teaching about the need to look in the mirror and have unconditional positive regard for the face you see staring back at you.

Talk about a radical message, loving yourself. Imagine what will happen if I start teaching that . . . people will run for the hills!

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

They Vast Amount of Day Light

2010-06-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

I love the long summer days that cool into evening. I love being able to sit outside until nine o’clock and enjoy the dusk, or take a walk late in the evening while it is still light, the sun just setting behind the foothills. We have just passed the summer solstice, a very powerful day and time of year. Tonight is a full moon, another powerful time of the month. I believe that those who are in touch with their spirituality are keenly aware of these cycles of life.

All of life is nothing be a great cycle. It is one of the teachings of Taoism. The light evolves from the darkness of winter to the great expansion of light at the sumer solstice. It is at the summer solstice when the earth on it’s axis is most turned toward the light of the sun. As soon as the sun reaches this great apex of light, it begins the slow, steady, daily drift back towards it’s nadir, the darkness of winter.

The moon is on a similar cycle. Tonight we celebrate the great vastness of the moon. The full moon lights up the evening light a great torch of light. I love watching the full moon rise up from the horizon like a huge eye of a cyclops giant that slowly raises it’s head to view the world. I love going out in the middle of the night during the full moon and meditate on how the light brightens up the forest where I live. The full moon is the great apex of it’s cycle. But as soon as it reaches it’s apex, it begins it’s daily slide towards it’s nadir, complete and total darkness.

I find my soul connected to these cycles in a profound way. We need to wake up to these cycles and see how they can touch our spirituality. All of life is one great cycle. As soon as we reach the apex of something we are sure to know that we will gradually begin to slide into a nadir. It is impossible to sustain any apex. It is impossible to sustain any good or great fortune. It is impossible to sustain any great boost in business or personal relationships. It is the natural process of all things to be in a cycle. In the same way it is impossible to sustain any great misfortune, deep sadness or profound grief. While these dark feelings can also feel like they last an eternity, they too are on a cycle. The cycle might take months or even years, but if we are willing to be patient and present with the cycle we can be assured that eventually hope will plant a seed, the seed will gain momentum, and eventually a new day dawns.

Knowing that all of life is a cycle allows me to accept the highs and lows of all of life. I am very aware that God is with me when I have turned in the apex of my soul to the full brightness of the presence of God. I love these times of brightness, I feel the fullness of God in the depths of my soul. But I have also learned that as soon as I feel this profound apex of spirituality, I will begin a slow slide into a spiritual nadir. It is the way of the spiritual cycle. It is impossible to maintain a spiritual high. What I have also found is that God is with me in the process of the slide into the nadir. God is with me in the vast darkness of the nadir. God is with me in a new and unique way in the nadir of darkness. I experience God’s presence in a profound way through God’s seeming absence.

Our souls begin to mature when we’re able to accept the cyclical process of spirituality. We move one step closer towards enlightenment when we are able to use the natural cycles of the world to mirror our own interior cycles of the soul. God presence is a great constant that we experience differently as we move from apex to nadir.

Today I invite you to revel in the great vast amounts of light that will pour down upon us. As we move from one of the longest days of the year to the full moon it will feel as though we are basking in one full twenty four hour cycle of light. It is a great opportunity to open ourselves to the fullness of God, knowing that tomorrow we take one more gentle step towards change, transition, and nadir.

“The moon stays bright

When it does not avoid the night”

Rumi

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Regaining Center

2010-06-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

Wow, Cowboy Jesus has gotten lost in the wilderness. I can’t believe that I haven’t posted in months. Several people have posted notes to me lately asking what’s happened to Cowboy Jesus, so I’m going to try to carve out the time to start writing.

Here’s a few fun things. I was contacted last week by someone who is writing a Cowboy Jesus cartoon. I believe he lives in Germany. I love it. How cool is that. I was also contacted by another blog reader that there is a Cowboy Jesus character in a novel called, “Backslider” by Levi Peterson. I’ve ordered the book and I’m dying to read it. I think this is great fun. What I thought was an original idea is catching on around the world. May Cowboy Jesus truly ride!

My own spiritual thoughts today are on returning to the center. While I try to live grounded with the center of my being in the presence of God, often there are life events that pull me away from center. I’ve just returned from the youth mission trip. It was a blast being with the kids from our church in Tacoma Washington. I had great intentions to carve out time to read, journal, meditate and write while I was gone. The great intentions were caught up in the demands of being with Hip Hopping, Rapping kids from dawn until dusk. While it was great fun, I returned from the trip exhausted and feeling way off center. Not once did I crack a bible or my journal. My only prayers were for that of survival and patience so I wouldn’t injure a few of the kids who got under my skin. But I awoke today knowing that I needed to regain my center.

I believe life and spirituality work this way. There are times when life opens in such a way that centering on the presence of God just flows from our existence. There are other times though when the pressure of existence pushes out all time for thought and reflection. I guess it’s the ebb and flow of existence. I just know that in my life I can only go so long away from the center.

It begins to feel like an ache, a deep desire to connect with the divine. While I know God pulses all around me, whether it’s in the hip hop rhythm of Kids grooving to tunes, or in the slow opening of a purple Iris, I have to carve out the time to open up and center on the divine in my own being.

I find my center when I slow down enough to breath and meditate. It is when I stop and turn off all thoughts and feelings that I find the space opening up in the middle of my chest and find the seat of God. I read the scriptures . . . any scriptures. . . the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the Upanishads, the Tao Te Ching. The word of God speaks to me through these many holy books. I read the poetry or Rumi and find how his amazing words capture the essence of the spirit of God whirling around us. But it takes intentionality. I must rise an hour earlier. I must carve out the time. I must tell myself this time is so very important. Without my being centered on the divine presence of God my soul begins to wither. Every day, bit by bit, moment by moment I read, meditate, soak in God’s presence and find my center, God’s center, and feel whole.

SPB

Spiritual Power and Blessings!

The Way

2010-04-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

A line from Rumi opened like a Tulip in my soul.

“As you start on the way, the way appears . . .”

Often we make the mistake of waiting for God to lead us. What I have found instead is that God is waiting for us to discover and explore. God is not so much breaking the path in front of us, as God is beside us celebrating new dimensions of the soul that open as we live our life. The wonderful challenge is to be open to new ideas and concepts that come our way. We need to read, contemplate, meditate, and ponder. We need to explore outside of the dimensions of our own traditions to engage people with different faiths and different world views. If we wait for God to lead us, we may be sitting for a long time, which sometimes is a very appropriate place to be. But when we are active and exploring our life new opportunities unfold before us. People emerge in the midst of our path that guide us on the next phase of our journey. New ideas introduce themselves like a field of flowers opening on a Spring morning. When we are creative and craft each day as an artist would a sculpture, the holiness of life emerges. As we start on the way of life, the way appears. God is waiting for us to wake up, take the initiative and explore the wonderful life that is before us.

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Lifting the Fog

2010-04-14T05:43:00.000-07:00

I was winding my way up Deer Creek Canyon very late last night. The eye shine of fox’s glowed in the headlights. The stars were clear, crisp in the spring night. As I climbed around each curve I found myself meditating on the presence of God. I was fingering prayer beads. It was silent except for the hum of the tires. It was a mystical union with the holy divine.

As I drove past Highgrade road my thoughts began trying to give words to the holy experience. I found myself thinking how each religion is a very interesting philosophical system that tries to order and given explanation to experiences of the divine. Here I was in the midst of the mystical and I was trying to give expression to that which I was experiencing. It dawned on me that as I tried to give words to the experience, each word fell far short of the beauty of the night. These words are like religions. As beautiful and majestic each religion system is, eventually they evolve into a rigidity that falls short of the grand encounters with God that can only be described as mystical.

I was wondering if there is any way to climb behind each religion to just be in the presence of God in Her many forms and not have to order the experience in a system. I realized as I was bending around the curves that as soon as we open our mouths to describe our mystical encounters with God that we are one or way to developing a philosophical system. I pondered as I drove.

So is the best response to the mystery of God silence? Maybe so. I’ve often felt that all of my talking on Sunday morning does more harm than good to enable a mystical encounter with God, yet I have not been able to shut up for even one Sunday. Sometimes I think the best worship services would involve no preaching, just music, liturgy, silence, and reading of scripture. I feel that all of my talking about God is nothing more than a fog that covers a great ocean. The real challenge is to get out of the way and let the light of God burn off the fog so that people can come face to face with the Holy.

I was up early this morning to meditate and read. A poem this morning by the Sufi Poet Rumi seemed to put in words exactly what I was feeling.

As fog rising off the sea
covers the sea,

so it is noble work to build
coherent philosophical discourses,

but they block the sun of truth.
See God’s qualities as an ocean

and this world as foam
on the purity of that ocean.

Here is the mystery.
This intricate, astonishing world
is proof of God’s existence,
even as it covers the beauty.

One flake from the wall of a goldmine
does not give much idea
what it is like

when the sun shines in
and turns the air
and the workers golden.

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessings!

On Beyond Jesus 3

2010-04-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

        It is important to understand that when we go On Beyond Jesus, that we don’t go into some vast unknown realm. What I have found is that when I have stepped beyond what I know and venture into something new, that there is a vast world that is already waiting there for me. There are people there who have been waiting years for me to take this step. There are concepts that have already been developed that have been waiting for me to mature enough to grasp. There is God who is already there, who has broken the way, who has already formed the spiritual, emotional, and physical path for me to travel. While we feel as though we’re stepping into the unknown, it is only unknown for us. There is no where for us to go that someone hasn’t already traveled, that someone hasn’t already gone. If nothing else we can be sure that God has gone ahead of us.
        I was meditating on these thoughts when I read Deuteronomy 31:7-8. In this passage Moses is giving Joshua is final instructions before he enters into the promised land. Moses is telling Joshua that he needs to go On Beyond Moses. Everybody eventually has to go on beyond someone. The promised land is the future, the hope, the “next” that is waiting for Joshua and the people. Moses tells Joshua, “God is striding ahead of you.” When we go On Beyond Jesus we are not going into uncharted waters, God is already there. Moses says to Joshua, “He (She) is right there with you, He (She) won’t let you down; He (She) won’t leave you.” When we step beyond the locked doors of our own spiritual box (see yesterday’s blog) we’re not going alone, God is going with us, right beside us.
        Again I ask the questions, “Where is God wanting you to stride out in your life? What is the new world that God is waiting for you to discover? Who are the people that are already in the next realm of your spiritual development that are there waiting for you?”
        The great challenge is to go beyond the fear of what we don’t yet know and step into the great “next” of our life knowing that God is already there.

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessings!

More On Beyond Jesus

2010-04-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

        Sometimes I think it’s shocking for people to think that we’re supposed to go On Beyond Jesus (I’m going to start capitalizing this as it’s my new motto). When actually, it’s exactly what Jesus wants us to do, expects us to do, even charges us to do. I was reading this morning from John’s gospel and Jesus charges the disciple to go On Beyond Jesus.

                Later on that day, the disciples had gathered together, but, fearful of the Jews, had locked all the doors in the
        house, Jesus entered, stood among them and said, “Peace to you.” Then he showed them his hands and side.
                The disciples, seeing the Master with their own eyes were exuberant. Jesus repeated his greeting:
        “Peace to you. Just as the Father (Mother), has sent me, I send you.”
                Then he took a deep breath and breathed into them. “Receive the Holy Spirit,” he said. “If you forgive
        someone’s sins they’re gone for good. If you don’t forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?”

        This passage has amazing significance. First, note that Jesus does not tell the disciples to stay where they are, behind locked doors hiding in fear. If we’re going to go On Beyond Jesus, we have to get over our fear. We have to move beyond the locked doors of our current spiritual condition. What I find insightful is that the disciples are the ones who have locked the doors out of fear. How have we locked our own spiritual doors? How have we locked ourselves into our own closed God box because we’re afraid of what we might see or discover? If we’re going to grow in our faith we must bust out of the safe places that we find ourselves in and have the courage to spiritually explore the world. The only parameters on our faith are the ones that we create. God does not lock any spiritual doors. We do. Or even worse, Religion does, especially Christianity. The reams of doctrines and dogmas that the church has created over the years are nothing more than spiritual doors that lock people’s souls. We must have the courage to unlock those doors and walk away into a living and dynamic presence with God in the world.
        Jesus then tells the disciples that they are sent. He tells them to get out, move one, go on beyond where they are. Just as God sent Jesus on a great spiritual voyage into the world, so are we sent on a great spiritual voyage. We are to go out in God’s name, in the name of Jesus and explore, discover, minister to, have compassion upon, serve as the presence of God for the world. Go On Beyond Jesus!
        When we go On Beyond Jesus we need to know that we are literally God in the world. We are not “like” God in the world, We “are” God in the world. It’s a huge insight! Jesus breaths “into them” the Holy Spirit of God. The disciples are now divine beings. Then Jesus gives them the ability to forgive or retain sins. Again, this is a huge insight! In the Hebraic perspective it is only God who can forgive sins. When Jesus forgave sins people picked up stones to kill him because he was committing Blasphemy, he was saying that he was equal to God, that he was God. Now, in this passage Jesus is giving us the same authority. Jesus is telling us that we are God’s! We are the living God on the planet! This is what I was trying to say in a blog a few days back, “Insight in the Ponderosas.” God is claiming us, calling us, into an equal relationship with God. Then in this passage, Jesus is doing the same, and then charging us to get out of our locked little spiritual rooms and go On Beyond Jesus, and be God in the world.
        So my dear God friends, what does it feel like to be God? How are you creating the world that you live in? How are you freeing yourself from the sins that bind you? How are you freeing others from the sins that bind them? How are you breathing the Holy Spirit into the world around you?
        I’m telling you, Jesus wants us to go On Beyond Jesus. Go . . . out into the world! On Beyond Jesus!

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessings!

Thoughts on Turning 51

2010-04-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

Today I turn 51. I have just passed the half way point of my life. I have always viewed myself living in be over 100 years old. I don’t know why, but that is my image. So instead of feeling old, and beat up at 51, I’m feeling young and vibrant. Instead of feeling like I’ve mastered the art of living, I feel as though I’m at the cusp of a new aspect of life. The world is just now opening up to me. I’m beginning to see God from a whole new perspective. I am just now beginning to see the vastness of God. God is beyond any limitation that we want to put upon Her. God is beyond Christianity, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Islam. These religions are merely the fragile clay jars that we try to contain Her in. Each religion while beautiful, is also a mere glimpse of the divine God of the cosmos. To envision God, we need to go on beyond religion. We must realize the beauty of each religion, then be willing to go beyond each religion.

God is out in the cosmos wanting to contact us. God is out there wanting to be with us. God is inside us wanting to nurture us. The vastness of God is as intimate as each breath, as each heart beat. Close your eyes and meditate and God is in the thoughts that swirl and the quiet that settles. Open your eyes, and God is in the quiet of the room. God is in the wood stove that cranks heat across from me. God is in the horses that mill in the corral. God literally sings, sings from within us and outside of us.

Do you want to know the vastness of God? Then travel the world. Go places that you’ve dreamed of. Go meet people who speak different languages. Go to their places of worship. Listen to their joys and their struggles and what you will find is that God is with them in exactly the same way that God is with you. You will see yourself reflected in their lives. You will look deep within them and you will feel the presence of God. You will see how God works and moves and permeates this culture in which you have traveled to. You will learn that by traveling to this distant land that it is the same God that is working in and through you. By traveling far to find God you will have realized that the distance that you needed to travel was as close as your own breath, your own life. The Tao Te Ching describes the Master as the one who travels the world by walking through her own back yard.

Do you want to know the vastness of God? Then travel through your own soul. Each question and each answer that you have about God is right within you. Your deep desire to experience God can be found in your own being. You don’t need a temple, a sanctuary, a church, a mosque, to find God. While these are wonderful, beautiful places to go and be with others to worship, the only God that you will find there is the one that you bring in with you. People who say that these places are empty and hollow are actually speaking about the content of their own soul. God is any place, any room, from the tightest prison cell to the vastness of a mountain peak.

It is inside your being that the deepest insights of God are waiting. Ask your questions and ponder in your heart. Meditate on that which you desire to know. You will be drinking from a deep pool. The water will be cool. The water will be holy. It is holy water because it is the source of God that dwells within you.

Sing my friends, sing of the God that is within you. Sing of the presence of God that dwells in your depths. Tell the world of the God that you know. Don’t worry about Dogmas or doctrines. Don’t be confined by the concerns of orthodoxy. God is as vast as your imagination will travel.

God is waiting for you to let go of your boundaries so that your soul may soar. So let it fly!

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessings!

On Beyond Jesus

2010-04-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

I have a new motto, It’s On Beyond Jesus! I feel compelled to go on beyond Jesus. My motto comes from the Dr. Seuss book, On Beyond Zebra. In the book Seuss develops a whole new Alaphabet that goes on beyond Z. In the opening lines Seuss says,

“You can stop if you want with the Z.
Because most people stop with the Z’
But not me!
In the places I go there are things that I see
That I never could spell if I stopped with the Z.
I’m telling you this ‘cause you’re one of my friends.
My Alphabet starts where you’re alphabet ends!”

When ever I think about how my heart, soul and mind wanders through all the different aspects of spirituality, I find myself thinking of On Beyond Zebra. My thinking about God starts where most people end. So I’ve told myself to go, “On Beyond Jesus”.

It’s not that I don’t love Jesus. I do. I’m deeply drawn to the Christ. But my relationship with the Christ pushes me constantly beyond him. Instead of limiting my thinking, he empowers me. So I wander and I roam through Buddhism and Hinduism. Lately I’ve been immersed in the Sufi poet Rumi. Islam is the hardest religion for me to get into. I feel no soul connection to it. That is until I discovered Rumi. His relationship with the divine is wild and full of life. I find myself thinking that if Islam could create a Rumi, then there has to be something here that I need to know. From Rumi I feel drawn to Paganism. I feel a whole realm of the divine is waiting to be discovered and explored. It’s my relationship with Christ the allows me, empowers me to explore on beyond Jesus.

Too often we hold ourselves back from exploring spiritual thoughts because we’re afraid we’re going against the will of God or the commands of God. I used to feel this way. I would try to reign in my thinking out of a desire to be faithful. But then I would feel suffocated. So like a kid reading with a flashlight under the covers after bed time (which I did all of the time), I read late at night the Upanishads and relish in the beautiful images of Brahman. I find the words of Jesus echoed in the teachings of Krishna as I fall asleep. Then, the more I dig into Hinduism I find my relationship with Christ deepen. While I tell myself to go beyond Jesus, I find that where ever I go in any spiritual thought, he is already there waiting for me. By giving myself permission to go On Beyond Jesus, I find myself drawn closer to the soul of the Christ.

So I’m going On Beyond Jesus. I’m throwing wide the portals of my thoughts. I’m not holding back. This is my declaration of spiritual Independence. I’m going where God and my heart want to take me. It’s Cowboy Jesus at it’s best. I want to ask you to do the same. I want you to post on this website all of the experiences that you’ve had with God that go on beyond Jesus. if you’ve had dreams where God has spoken to you, I want to hear them. If you’ve had visions, then I want you to share them. If you feel as though God speaks to you through a deceased ancestor, I want to hear that too. If you’ve found God in Paganism, in Native American Spirituality, in howling at the moon, I want to hear about it. There is nothing too outlandish for me. If you’ve experienced the presence of God that doesn’t fit into the neat categories of religion, then I want you to share it with me. Post your insights here on the blog. Of if you can’t post, then email them to me and I’ll post them for you (stevepoosbenson@me.com).

So I close tonight with the following thought,

So you see!
There’s no end
To the things you might know,
Depending how far beyond Zebra you go!

How far beyond Zebra will I go? As far as the spiritual horizons will take me.

SPB
Spiritual Power and Blessings!

The Soul Mate

2010-04-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

In a strange turn of events yesterday I was verbally assaulted. I had met the man once a week ago. He is basically a stranger to me. He had my phone number, called me and began an assault that was so ugly that he ended up threatening my safety and welfare. I was left quite shaken by the phone call and ended up reporting the incident to the police. But it was hard to let go. For hours afterwards I felt shaky, ashen and gray. By late last night I could not sleep so I began to meditate. It was in the midst of the meditation that I remembered the greatest lessons of spirituality.

People like this often times cannot be avoided. While we try to live peaceful lives, sometimes they are like a car accident. They come screaming out the blue and t-bone our soul. They dredge up all kinds of emotions, anger, fear, and resentment. It is so easy to stay with these emotions as they are hot and burn at the uppermost levels of our psyche. But as my teachers have instructed me over the years, it is people like this that are our greatest gifts. They give us the best opportunities to practice our faith and our spiritual disciplines. It is easy to love and extend grace to those who are gentle and kind to us. While these people are a blessing to have in our life, they offer us light spiritual practice. It is those people that are ugly, who catch us off guard, who rattle us and shake us, those are the ones that offer us the best opportunity to do the heavy lifting of the soul.

Last night as I was meditating I was reminded of Shenpa. Don’t get hooked by this person. Allow them to be who they are in the midst of their stew of their emotions. I do not have to run down the path of anger, anxiety, and resentment just because he crashed into my day. I can stay centered and grounded in myself. I returned to my breath. I focused on the grounding effect of being present in my body. I breathed in and out forgiveness upon the individual. I imagined Christ sitting with him healing his soul.

Unhooking from him and praying forgiveness doesn’t keep me from holding him accountable for his actions. I felt not guilt over reporting the incident to the authorities. I don’t feel as though this person will just disappear from my life. For some reason he has emerged. He will be a Buddha that through his ugliness will teach me a great set of lessons.

I once heard a teacher say that it is people like this who are our best soul mates. As ugly and unfortunate as they might be, they ultimately teach us the lessons we most need to learn. Unhook . . .breath . . .be in the midst of their rage without biting the emotional hook they dangle in front of our souls. Pray forgiveness and grace. Put into practice the teachings of Jesus. Return no person evil for evil. Return anger with soft words. Focus on the Spirit of Christ within you. Hold the Spirit of Christ within them. Do not allow their ugly emotion to tarnish how you view the Christ within them. Look for the face of Christ as they scream their rage.

It will be interesting to watch how this person continues to bubble around in my presence. He will be a great source of practice for the spiritual disciplines I try to live by.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Insight in the Ponderosa's

2010-03-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

        I was walking among a stand of Ponderosa’s and it dawned on me that my relationship with God had drastically changed. I was marveling at the way the huge Ponderosa limbs branched out to the cobalt blue sky. I stood and listened to the sound of Chickadees dancing from pine tip to pine tip. The piles of snow melting in sculptures of Spring had me standing there amazed. As I stood there I realized that I wasn’t praising God for these great glories. Which was different, because that is what I would have usually done. I would have sung a doxology to the glory of God’s wonder and creation. I would have felt like bowing down my soul to God’s presence. It was an odd sensation. I had never felt that before. Something had changed.
        It’s not that God wasn’t there. God was there in a magnificent way. But instead of being something that I worshiped and bowed down to, I realized that God was beside me, with me, in me, equal to me. God stood there as amazed at the glory of the moment as I was. I felt like God was as shocked by the beauty as I was. Together, like two equal beings, we stood there in awe of the Ponderosa’s, the chickadees and the melting snow.
        It came over me like an awakening, God had claimed me as an equal. Or maybe, God had always claimed me as an equal and was waiting for me to wake up to that realization. I’ve spent so much time bowing down to God. I’ve pictured God as a being that, while in me, was still on a scale infinitely greater than me. God was a being that I stretched myself down before and worshiped. But in that moment in the Ponderosa’s, the beauty was so stark that it drew my entire attention and God kind of snuck up on me. Before I could bow down and worship, God was there beside me, looking with me. Instead of worshiping God I felt like I was standing beside God and I was worshiping with God. We were two divine beings side by side.
        It’s a huge difference to worship with God. It means that God is with us as an equal, which sounds odd because we want to say that God is . . .well . . .God! And we’re just humans, puny little humans. But that’s not what I believe God desires for us. I believe God sees us as equals and is waiting for us to wake up to that insight. God is waiting for us to sit up in our souls, to take notice of our divinity, to marvel at how divine we truly are. While we are God’s creations, the Creator desires to be with us, and in us, side by side as spiritual entities that are immeshed in a holy union.
         I walked from the Ponderosa’s and a breeze chilled down on my neck. I shrugged my Carhart around my shoulders and walked on smiling. Things had changed. But I smiled as I walked. I liked the change. But more importantly, God liked the change. I had awakened to what God had always desired, to just being with me.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Stop trying to make a difference!

2010-03-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

It startled me to hear God say,

“Stop trying to make a difference.”

I was in my favorite place in South Park, Colorado. It’s a sacred place for me. I’m surrounded by ancient teepee rings where the Ute’s set up their summer camp. I sit on the bank of my favorite Brooke Trout stream and watch the fish dart like arrows from hole to hole. This place has an elevation of 10,000 feet. At night I look at the stars, the constellations, the Milky Way; they all spin like the arm of a giant galaxy and I am at its center. It is in this place where I find quiet, stillness, and the presence of God.
It was early morning, a mist was on the creek, I was in the dawn of meditation, when I heard God say,

“Stop trying to make a difference.”

It was clear, it was quiet, it was simple, it was the silent voice speaking in the middle of my head that I’ve come to know as the Divine voice.
I was shocked. I opened my eyes. “But God, I thought we were supposed to make a difference . . .aren’t we? I could swear I heard the divine chuckle as God spoke again, “As if you could make a difference.”
        It was then that the moment of enlightenment came like a chick hatching from an egg. My old world cracked and new life broke through. I started laughing at myself, at everything I’ve taught for 24 years of ministry, at everything I’ve preached on, at everything all of us who are involved in the human potential movement have ever said, “as if we could make a difference.” It was like a divine joke and suddenly my theological flood gates burst open and I couldn’t keep up with the thoughts. God hit the nail on the proverbial head of my own personal idol: I think that I can make a difference.
         God’s words hit me with deep insight. While I work, and suffer, and stress over making a difference, my concern is very ego centered, that “I” make the difference. My striving to make a difference is tied up in an existential desire that I make some personal “etch” on history. It’s not that I have noble desires or ideas, I don’t want a holiday named after me or anything, it’s just that I don’t want to be forgotten. I want to feel that this puny little self that I call “myself” is not lost in the great stream of human creation. I feel that if I can make a difference somehow, in some way, in someone’s life, then in the end, my life will all have been worth it and, in the end, I will have meant something to someone. To which I hear God say in the middle of my head as I write, “No, in the end, you will be dead.” God laughs.
        What I realized in that moment of enlightenment is that it’s not I who needs to make the difference in the world, it’s God who needs to make the difference. It’s not me who needs to make the difference in someone’s life, it’s God who needs to make the difference. It’s not me who people need to worship, it’s God who they need to worship. Every time that I have tried to make a difference and people mistakenly think that I have indeed made the difference, they try to make me God, or worse I try to make myself God. I get caught up with people who think that it was “my” sermon that saved them, it was “my” prayer that healed them, it was “my” counseling that set them in the new direction in their life. The praise and adulation is infectious. I nod my head and agree with them, “I was great, I had made the difference. God and I make good partners.” All of which make God laugh and laugh.
        One time in particular I made God laugh. It was a Sunday when I preached what everyone thought was a great sermon. I could feel it as I preached. I had them in the mood, in the spirit. They were emotionally swerving and stuttering over the spiritual alliteration of the sermon. I could see a few tears at the quiet moment of the illustration where they saw themselves as the crippled woman who was healed. I was the last to leave the church that Sunday, nearly basking in the glow of “that was the best sermon you’ve ever preached.” I flung open the back door of my crew cab pick up. I tossed in my brief case and thought, “Boy, I nailed it.” I open the front door, stepped up and whacked my head on the top of the door rim.” As I was winced and grabbed my head I heard God say, quiet, simply, in the middle of my head, purely God’s style, “I’ll say you nailed it.” Then I heard the deep divine chuckle.
        The problem I’ve found when I try to make a difference is that I have people believing in me. I find people believing in what I say, what I teach, in what I believe to be true. It’s a double edge sword to be sure. I do have to speak, and teach, and share what I believe to be true. But the danger is people can adopt too much of my beliefs and personality. When I hear Jesus say, “I am the way, I am the truth, and I am the life, no one comes to the father but by me,” I have to listen to that as if Jesus were speaking to me. I have to speak, and teach and counsel in such a way that I get myself out of the way so people see God and not me.
        To get out of the way I have had to stop trying to make a difference. I have had to stop working for change. I have to stop being the change in the world that I want other people to make. I have to stop thinking globally and acting locally. I’ve had to stop visualizing world peace. I have had to learn how to let go of every “make a difference” moniker I’ve ever seen plastered on a car window or bumper. The only one I still hang on to is “Let go and let God.” In my mind it’s the only one that makes sense.
        Instead of trying to make a difference, I try instead to be faithful. I pay attention to the gifts that God has given to me. I pay attention to the hurt that I see in the world. I pay attention to the vision that God has given me for my life and seek nothing more than to be faithful to the present moment in which I am alive. I work for God in the moment and then let go and let God take control of what happens. If the moment happens to be preaching, then I preach. If the moment happens to be counseling, then I counsel. If the moment happens to be in the car, the windows down, with my teenagers, listening to their hop-hop rap as I cringe and smile, then I cringe and smile. I work and strive to bring my best self to that moment and then let it go. I let go of the sermon, of the counseling, of the time in the car. I let go and I get ready for the next moment. If something happens with that sermon, if something happens with that counseling appointment, if something happens between my teenagers and me, then I know that it’s not me, but God.
        I’ve come to realize it’s all about making myself available to God. Each day I have a practice of getting on my knees, bowing before God and dedicating the day to the divine will. I pledge to make myself available to God and the people that God will bring into my life. While I have a set agenda of what I want to do and where I want to go, I work at being open and flexible enough see each unexpected and unplanned person that crosses my path as a divine opportunity to meet, greet and share a blessing. I don’t try to control the moment, or make a difference in the moment, I just try to be in the moment.
        Over the years as I’ve shared with people that they need to stop trying to make a difference I’ve been met with a chorus of, “You got to be kidding me! Stop making a difference! But we have to make a difference!” No, you don’t have to make a difference. No, you can’t make a difference. If you keep trying to make a difference you’ll be building nothing more than a great idol to yourself. You’ll be proud, people will be proud of you, they’ll applaud you and give you great dinners and maybe even award you with a plaque or two. Your office might even be plaque-ified from all of your great achievements, and that will be exactly the point . . .your achievements. You will be bowing down before you’re the great idol of yourself.
        Does this mean that we stop working, that we stop striving, that we stop using our gifts to their highest ability, that we stop serving humanity, that we stop being environmentally aware, that we stop donating food, and donating clothing, that we stop building homes, that we stop teaching Sunday School, or working with kids? Of course not. It means though that we do these things not because we’re worried or anxious, not because we want to be forgotten or significant, not because we want to make a difference, but because we want to serve the people who are the children of God. We minister to God’s children with the divine hope that some how through us, they will see the one who can truly save them, who can truly make the real difference in their lives, God.
        We work with our greatest gifs, to our greatest abilities, with our greatest inspiration for the glory of God. We work, and then let our work go. If a difference is made it will be by God’s hands, not our own. When people come running back to us singing our praises, we’ll stop them dead in their tracks, and tell them it wasn’t us that made the difference, all we did was work. We tell them that the one who made the difference was the one who first made the difference in our lives, and is the reason why we share now. It’s God who makes the difference and we get ourselves out of the way.
        When I stopped trying to make a difference I found one of God’s greatest gifts, peace. I no longer have to preach the greatest sermon. I no longer have to have the greatest insight. I no longer have to be the greatest listener. I just have to be there, in the moment, an act and let go and allow God to do God’s work. Allowing God to make the difference gives me the permission to do exactly what God created me to be, simply me. By letting go of having to change the world, I’ve found that really all I have to do is change myself. However, I have to let go of making that difference either, for ultimately I’ve found changing myself an impossible task. To change myself I’ve had to turn to God, and God’s grace and it has made all the difference in the world.

On Not Being Much to Look At

2010-03-02T06:25:00.000-08:00

        There are some times when I look in the mirror and say to myself, “You know, you’re not much to look at. You’re pretty average looking. Skinny, beak of a nose, getting those crows feet around your eyes.” But yet, I also know that I’m God’s best bet for the day. If God is going to do something today in my life, it’s going to be through this very average body, and this very average person, me. I ask myself will I be awake enough to God’s presence in my life to enjoy and explore the miracle of being alive.
        I found myself thinking about this when I read 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 for my devotions. Paul says, “We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives.” It is through our very ordinary lives that the extraordinary message of God’s love is shared with the world. While our lives might be consumed by the very mundane issues of commuting, emails, appointments, phone calls, budgets, bathing kids, grocery shopping, it is through these mundane events that the presence of God rings with life.
        If we trudge through our day with our heads down, our expectations low, and our emotions dour, we might miss the miraculous nature of God unfolding all around us. We often think that the miraculous events of God are the suddenly healing of a person who’s been seriously ill. What if the miraculous events of God are in the ordinary day to day appointments on our calendar?
        Today someone will cross your path. It might be an employee. It could be a meeting with your boss. You might make a cold call on a potential client. I wonder how these mundane encounters would change if we looked upon these conversations as opportunities for God to shine through us? Could it be that how we treat these people, how we talk with them, could be a transformational event for their life? What if we extended just a few extra moments of patience with someone, could those moments be a divine pause where each of you could take a breath and be present to God?
        You might not be much to look at, but it might just be through your face that someone sees the love of God.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Opportunities

2010-03-01T07:08:00.000-08:00

        Jesus said, “Let me tall you why you are here” (Matthew 5:13,The Message). Our creation is not a fluke. Nor are our lives without meaning and purpose. God has created us with a destiny and a purpose to fulfill. God has a plan for our lives. In this passage from the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says that we are salt to the earth. We are to bring out the flavor of the creation. We are a light to the world. We are to be a source of hope and meaning for those around us. When we discover and live into God’s plan for our lives we become salt and light for the world.
        Every day we are given new opportunities to live into God’s plan for our lives. People that can lead us on the divine course just seem to appear. Others that need the words of our encouragement cross our path. Ideas pop into our head about creative things that we could pursue. God pours out upon us an abundance of opportunities every day to express and experiment with the divine direction of our lives. How often though, do we miss these opportunities because we’re asleep emotionally and spiritually?
        I have a tough time keeping up with God’s great ideas. When I make myself available to God there is an avalanche of possibilities and people that come my way. The more that I attune my ears to God’s rhythms, the more God’s song sings in my soul. When I seek God’s path in my life the more it unfolds before me. It’s also not just one path either! I’ve learned that God’s path for my life diverges in many directions. Each path is filled with blessings and opportunities. God waits for me to choose a path and begin exploring.
        Let me tell you why you are here. You are here to be a blessing to the world. You have been gifted and empowered by God. Today I pray that you will seize the opportunity to live God’s purpose for your day.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

God Has A Plan For You

2010-02-20T19:40:00.000-08:00

Today a old high school friend found me on Facebook. I accepted the friendship connection and then followed a lead on her wall to a link of our graduating class. I was stunned to find a memorial page for all of our classmates who had died. I haven’t kept track of my high school classmates at all. Facebook has helped me reconnect with a few of them. What took my breath away was how many of them died young and tragically. People that I thought had been alive and thriving had been dead and gone for years, in some instances since the summer of our graduation. It was a quiet humble moment as I thought of these people thriving in high school, now dead and gone.

What really grabbed me was that I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s plan for our lives. I start a new preaching series at church tomorrow for the season of Lent called, “God Has A Plan for You!?” I have had a lot of people question me about God’s plan for their lives. Because of things like the Haiti earthquake and the havoc that the economy has played on people’s lives, it has folks wondering if God has a plan or are we merely at the whims of fate. As I looked at the memorial page I found myself wondering, “Was it really God’s plan for these people to die so young and so tragically?”

It’s a tough question. People are living their lives happily and joyfully when suddenly tragedy strikes. Cancer, auto accident, stroke, heart attack, earth quake, tornado, hurricane, and their lives are crippled if not destroyed. People wonder, “How can this be a part of God’s plan for me? How can a good and loving God allow this to happen?” They are questions that need to be answered. The answers are hard to come by. Maybe if nothing else, the questions need to be struggled with. So for the next six weeks, Carol Parsons, Laurene Lafontaine and I will be trying to answer these questions. I will preach tomorrow on the nature of God. The second week will be on The will of God. Week three will be Predestination, fate, free will and the Providence of God. Week Four Carol will preach on God’s plan and suffering. Week six Laurene will present alternative views. Week seven, Palm Sunday, we’ll do a tri-logue about how to give expression to God’s plan.

I hoping that several of you will listen to the sermons and post your questions here on my blog.

So, what do you think? Does God have a plan for your life? If so, are you living it? If not, what’s getting in your way?
My closing sign off is a dead give away to what I believe. I believe God does have a plan. It is a plan of blessing and love.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

A God Empowered Life

2010-02-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

There are times when I can feel a power that is far greater than me running through me. It comes from outside of me, from the world, from the cosmos, and flows through my inner most being and empowers my life.

I felt it yesterday when I was cross country skiing. It was a beautiful gray winter afternoon. The temperature was right at about 20 twenty degrees. There was a few inches of new snow and my skis were lightly gliding through some fresh powder. The Lodge Pole Pines around me where dusted white. At one point I stopped skiing and stood in the stand of the Pines. The crisp air was filling my lungs, my heart was beating with the exertion of skiing and I could feel it, that force, the divine essence. I tried to open myself to that presence and allow it to flow through me. I believe that force is God. I feel it strong when I am out in nature, skiing, hiking, running, riding my horse. However, when I am in tune to it’s rhythms, I can feel the presence where ever I go as it is uniquely present in all situations.

As I stood there on my skis a verse from 1 Corinthians 4:20 came back to me. It has been ringing in my head these past couple of days. Paul writes, “God’s Way is not a matter of mere talk; it’s an empowered life.” For me that force, that divine presence, is the empowerment that Paul talks about. I feel God moving through me, empowering my life. It’s a force that’s so hard to explain and describe, yet I know that it’s there. It reminds me of the teaching from Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching, “The Tao that can be spoken, is not the eternal Tao.” I can easily use the term, “Tao” to describe this force of God. It’s why I resonate so deeply with Taoism. Taoism gives me a language to describe this diving presence in my life.

This morning while I was meditating I envisioned myself opening up to that force again, and allowing the presence of God to flow through me. As I walk through this day, I will try to open myself up to this force knowing that it is not just me who is living, but there is a divine essence flowing through me. Today I will be in my wood shop preparing doors to be hung in our home. Feeling God in the shop is easy to do amidst the smell of fresh cut pine and wood shavings.

And you, and your day. . .where will you be today where you can open yourself up to the divine force that empowers you in your living?

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Say "Yes!"

2010-02-19T06:44:00.000-08:00

I can’t stand hard plastic chairs. They hurt my butt and my back, yet I found myself stuck in one for several hours yesterday. Fluorescent lights often give me a headache, but that’s what was blaring over head. I was stuck in a room waiting to be called for a jury.

jury duty, this was the fourth time I have been called and it was the fourth time I sat and waited. I was hoping that I would at least be interviewed for a jury and maybe even get to sit in on a jury. But, like all of the other times, I just sat in the jury room, read and watched the crowd. Talk about a boring place full of negative mojoe. I could feel from the movement of people in the room that no one wanted to be there, including myself. Everyone sat insulated from each other. Their legs and arms were crossed, they were looking down. People looked bored. A few looked clearly agitated that they were there. As I was sitting I found myself thinking, “Does this have to be such a negative experience? All around us in this building lives are being drastically changed. People are settling disputes. Others are being sentenced to jail. I found myself thinking how I could use even this time and space to open up and exude positive energy into the room. I thought to myself, ”Steve, it’s a choice. You can choose to be bored, or you can use this time to bring positive spiritual energy to this room. How can you say, ‘Yes’ to this experience and soak up what it has to offer?“

It’s hard to do at times as we often find ourselves stuck in places where we rather not be. If its not a jury room, it’s in traffic, or waiting in a doctors office. Sometimes our lives are stuck on an emotional plateau and we don’t feel that we’re going anywhere. I have found that in each of these situations if we can take a moment to breath, focus on the positive and say, ”Yes“ to the situation that we find ourselves in, the world will open up to us in wonderful and creative ways.

Once I said ”Yes“ to being in the room, and ”Yes“ to just sitting and waiting I had a huge bursts of creativity. My brain started buzzing with thoughts and ideas. I found myself in my spiritual eye going from court room to court room praying for people in the midst of their conflicts. I pulled by journal from my pack back and was writing as fast as I could to keep up with my thoughts. Time flew by. It felt like moments, but it was actually several hours when we were told that we could leave.

The negative experience became a wonderful blessing because I said ”Yes“ that the situation that I found myself in. It makes me wonder how else might my world will change if I practiced saying ”yes“ to all of life’s experiences.

Say ”Yes!“

Life if good. God is great. Amen.

Total Acceptance of Self

2010-02-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

To serve as God’s Messiah begins with a complete and total acceptance of self. The desire to bring Christ to the world, first means allowing Christ to come into our lives. If we want to share the love of Christ with others, we must first accept it ourselves. We must feel in the depths of our bodies and souls that God loves and embraces us. Then we must go beyond God accepting us and we must accept ourselves. We must accept our bodies with all of their hurts and imperfections. We must accept our emotions, the highs, the lows, the frustrations. We must accept or past and the wounds and sorrows that have been inflicted upon us. We must find ways to forgive those old wounds and let them go. We must embrace the future that lies before us. We must celebrate and revel in the day this is dawning new.

Sit still and meditate upon God’s full presence in your life. Breath in God’s perfect love. Hear in the depths of your soul God saying to you, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Feel God’s unique presence cleanse your spiritual and mental wounds. As you breath in God’s holy presence, hold your breath a brief moment and allow this love to settle into you. As you exhale, let go of all self anger, self doubt, and self loathing. As you meditate, bathe yourself with positive phrases such as, “You are beautiful, you are loved, you are adored. I accept you. I embrace you. You are my glorious body and life and cherish you.”

When Jesus was on transfigured on the mountain his body began to radiate a bright and beautiful light. God’s voice came from the cloud that surrounded him and said, “This is my son whom I love.” Imagine your body radiating this same type of light. Imagine yourself shining. Hear God say to you, “This is my daughter whom I love.” “This is my son whom I love.” Bask in this love and accept yourself.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Have a Nice Day

2010-02-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

I just read a great personal mantra by the Lama Surya Das. Das says to himself, “Have a nice day, unless you have other plans.” He has it on the bumper of his car. He posts it on his desk at work and on his door. It’s a daily reminder to him that happiness is a choice, it’s a state of mind. This is not to say that life isn’t chaotic, painful, hurtful, and wrongful, but we still have a choice about how we respond to our external environment.

I believe that God is present in all things. I believe that God has a plan, a direction for my life and for your life. I believe that every moment is pregnant with the will of God. One of our highest callings is to choose for God’s plan, to choose for God’s will within each moment. I have found in my own life that when I approach each day with a positive mindset, when I choose to be happy and content with my life, when I choose to believe that God is working for me, that the cosmos is working for me, when I know deep in my being that the entire creation is conspiring for my well being and benefit, then I am much more open and able to choose for God’s will.

My plans for today are to be happy. To be positive. My plan for this day is to choose to be God’s messiah in this world. I plan to bring Christ to all that I meet. I begin this day choosing for the positive.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Messianic Vows

2010-01-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

Since preaching about my Messianic Vows last week several of you have asked me to post them on Cowboy Jesus. Many have asked where these vows came from. They are from my own little pea brain and soul. For the past year or so I’ve felt God asking me to take the next step in my faith development. I’ve searched, prayed, and pondered what this was supposed to look like. It came to me that I/we are called to become the living embodiment of God’s messiah in the world today. Just as Jesus was the living Messiah two thousand years ago, we are called to be God’s messiah today. It’s not that we replace Christ, but we seek to embody Christ. As I read and ponder the scriptures it is becoming very clear to me that Jesus passed on the light, power, and grace of his “Christ-hood,” his Messiahship to us. The challenge is to strive to become the Messiah in our lives. To hear the sermon that I preached go to Columbine United Church’s web site, and you can hear the sermon on ITunes. Here are my vows that I repeat to myself at the beginning of the day and then throughout the day. It has been amazing for me to see how these vows have shaped my life and actions over these past months. I don’t take these vows lightly. I would encourage you to ponder and think about them before you repeat them. But if you’re willing to take this step, you will find that the vows will ring in your heart throughout the day and call you to a higher form of living in the world. May they bring blessing to your life.

I vow to live this day as God’s Messiah.

I vow to die to my old ways of living and rise to the Christ within me.

I vow to serve all people as Christ would serve them.

I vow to bring Christ to each person through my words, deed and intentions.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Shake and Awake!

2009-12-15T06:54:00.000-08:00

God says to the young Samuel in 1 Samuel 3:11, “Listen carefully. I’m getting ready to do something in Israel that is going to shake everyone up and get their attention.” It got me thinking, what if God said to you, “Listen carefully. I’m going to do something in your life that is going to shake you up and get our attention.” What would God have to do to get your attention?

I see too many people living in a fog. They get stuck in the rut of sleeping, eating, commuting, working, commuting, eating, T.V., sleeping and starting the whole thing over. One of my favorite sayings is the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth of the hole. There is this amazing, wonderful creation thriving around them and people are oblivious to it. I often wonder what it takes to shake people up so that they wake up to their life and it’s incredible opportunities.

When I was teaching physical fitness through the Gym Bag Bible, the prevalent excuse I heard from people is, “I don’t have time to exercise.” It was often that I would see those same people in the hospital after a heart attack, a stroke, or a major illness, and they would say to me, “I guess that I better make time to exercise.” I would sit and smile and invite them to join our class. But I would walk away from these conversations thinking, “Why does it take a something catastrophic blasting into our lives to get us to change?”

God desperately tries to get our attention to change. God usually starts in still quiet ways. It might be a gentle nudge or a brief insight. God might raise up someone that shares an idea with us. We often ignore that nudge and push it aside. So God ups the ante. God gives vivid dreams, an article in a newspaper, a sermon in a church that often feels like it was given, written or spoken just for us. But still we push it aside. The ante raises again until God finds some kind of spiritual board, whacks us across the soul and says, ”Hey, I’m talking to you! When are you going to wake up and listen.“

When people asked the Buddha, ”Who are you?“ His reply was simple, ”I am awake.“ The Buddha was awake to the present moment of his life. Enlightenment is nothing more than being fully awake to your life, your day, and this moment that you’re living in. Jesus was awake to his life. Jesus was vividly aware of God’s presence and saw the kingdom of God in literally everything that moved and breathed. Heck Jesus even said that the rocks were ready to sing of God’s glory. Can we be as awake as a rock or do we need something to shake us up?

What does God have to do to get our attention? It’s not like God is trying Her brains out already to awaken our souls. How about the Robins Egg blue sky? Did you see the sunrise as it cracked the horizon? What about the Chickadees that come to the bird feeder? Please tell me that your awake enough to revel in the glory of the creation around you.

I guess God’s word to Samuel serves as a warning to us. God doesn’t like it when we live in a fog. As the Alice Walker says in her great novel, The Color Purple, ”It pisses God off when you walk by the color purple and don’t notice it.“ I love the other characters response, ”What does “It” do when “It” is pissed off?“ When God is pissed off I think She keeps on raising the bar of awareness until we stop and marvel at the gift of being alive. Personally I’d rather wake up the glory of how my body breathes than to the whack of a major illness. But I guess it’s going to take what it’s going to take. One thing is very clear, God wants to get our attention.

Let this be God’s word to you today, ”Listen carefully. I’m getting ready to do something in your life that is going to shake you up and get your attention.“ If that doesn’t snap you awake like mainlining caffeine, then I say you better duck because here comes a board.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Where Has Cowboy Jesus Gone?

2009-12-14T06:57:00.000-08:00

People have asked me, “What’s happened to Cowboy Jesus?” When are we going to hear from Cowboy Jesus again? Yea, I know, it’s been a while.

The last time I posted I was asking the question, “Did Jesus die for my sins?” As always, that question raised quite the hullabaloo. I had several emails, and a few of you posted your thoughts. It’s a great question, let me see if I can recapture the thread of my thought.

Did Jesus die for my sins?

Yes he did, if you’re a first century Christian. When we read through the scriptures we have to remember that none of the Gospels or letters were written with us in mind. Each book of the Bible was written to people in a particular context. Before we can even begin to think about applying a passage to our lives, we have to know and understand the context of the original authors, and the issues that they were trying to address. The Issue that the early disciples were wrestling with was, “What happened to Jesus? Who was he? How do we make sense of out of what just happened to us and to him.”

I’m always stunned when I think about what it must have been like to have been one of the twelve disciples, or the group of seventy that seemed to follow Jesus where ever he went. These people gave up most of their possessions. They stepped outside of their spiritual box, they gave them selves to following him. They watched him take on the Pharisees, the Scribes, even the temple in Jerusalem. He taught them in ways that made sense to them. God became as immediate as a grain of wheat, a mustard seed, and the flowers of the field. These people just didn’t follow them, they fell in love with him. Mary pours ointment on his feet and wipes his feet dry with her hair. Jesus fell in love with the disciples. As rankled as he’d get with them, he also felt fairly tender towards them. There was even one disciple who was singled out as the, “one that Jesus loved.” They were a fairly intimate group.

So imagine their trauma when Jesus is betrayed by one of their own. Then they have to watch Jesus as he’s tortured and brutally executed. They take his body, they lay it in a tomb. You know the story, Easter, Resurrection. That had to have blown them away. Then fifty days later comes Pentecost. When you read through Luke/Acts, it’s not hard to realize that the disciples had their lives turned upside down.

Have you ever had your life turned upside down? Have you ever suffered through some type of trauma. Have you ever had a close friend tortured and executed? Have you ever lived under an oppressive regime that wantonly executed people such as the Roman Empire? Our history of the last century is filled with examples, the Holocaust, the Killing Fields, Sand Creek. What do people do who live through these crises? They struggle to put their lives back together again. For years and years they ask questions such as, “How did this happen?” “What does this mean?” “Where was God in the midst of this?” “How does this change how I view God, myself, and the world around me?” This is what I think the early disciples did in the ten to twenty years after Jesus was resurrected. They struggled to make sense out of their existence.

Thank goodness the Apostle Paul came around. God knew what She was doing when She picked this highly educated, brilliant, erudite Pharisaic scholar turned Jesus follower. Paul provided THE intellectual and spiritual frame work that gave the context for these first generation of followers to understand who Jesus was. Paul used the frame work that was the most readily available to him, sacrifice and forgiveness. As a Pharisee, Paul’s world revolved around sacrifice and forgiveness. Up until his conversion on the road to Damascus, Paul knew that the only way to be forgiven, and therefore the only way to come close to God, was through ritual sacrifice at the temple. Read through Leviticus and you’ll see how this entire culture was chained to sacrifice. How Paul made sense out of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus was through the lens of sacrifice. Paul was able to see how Jesus was the perfect sacrifice. If Jesus was indeed God’s Son, if God’s Son was sacrificed, a human blood sacrifice, then it was a perfect sacrifice, a once and for all sacrifice. Paul saw that it freed them from the chain of the temple. No longer did they have to keep going back to the temple to sacrifice sheep, birds, and bulls; no longer did they need a high priest to proclaim that they were forgiven; Jesus had done that for them. It’s why Hebrews is such a powerful letter. Hebrews perfectly lays out this argument.

I wish I could have seen Paul’s face when the light bulb went on in his brain and he understood the “why” of Jesus death. When I read Paul’s letters I’m stunned and inspired by his theological insight. When he wrote his letters and presented his understanding as Jesus being the perfect sacrifice freeing them from the need of further sacrifice, it flashed like lightening through this first generation of Jesus followers. It suddenly made sense to these people who for their entire lives had been taught that they were unclean. If Jesus was the perfect sacrifice then they were forgiven. They no longer had to go to the temple or worry about sacrifice, they were forgiven in one amazing swoop of the divine hand. Through Paul’s theology Jesus’ life, death and resurrection made sense. I imagine that Paul’s theology gave great peace in a very personal way to people like Jesus’ brothers and sisters, as well as Mary if she was alive when Paul wrote (which I doubt that she was alive, now that I think about it, or she was very old, notice that she disappears from the story). But anyway . . .wouldn’t you find a great deal of peace knowing that you’re brother, your best friend, your Messiah, didn’t die for nothing, that through his death God was doing something fantastic? I think it did. I know it did. It became the framework that made sense for people in this sacrificial culture.

OK, I’m going long here. I’ve been told my entries are too long. I need to keep it shorter. Sorry about that. I can’t. Once I get on a roll I just need to write. So let me drone on here for a little bit more because this kind of stuff gets me sweaty. I get juiced about this.

So what about us. We’re not first century Christians. Our lives don’t revolve around sacrificing animals. We’re not chained to a temple, a synagogue, or a church to know that we’re forgiven by God. Well . . .some of you are. But in the spirit of ecumenicity I won’t harangue you. But, what do we do with Jesus dying for our sins? Did Jesus really die for our sins?

I say “Yes” and “No.”

Yes. There’s a lot of guilt ridden people whose souls are weighed down like a beached whale because of the junk that they’ve perpetrated in their lives and in the lives of others. Sometimes, and I’ve used this metaphor with them myself many times, the only thing that will lift these people’s burdens is to tell them, “You’re forgiven, Jesus died for your sins.” I do the same with people who keep on working and working to earn God’s approval. They keep on beating themselves up with a spiritual stick until their souls are as raw as a beef steak. Sometimes these people, they too, need to hear that Christ died for them, once and for all, “So stop beating yourselves up.” Am I manipulating a Spiritual metaphor to ease the pain of peoples lives? You bet. If it’s a metaphor that works for them, I use it. I am very aware of the deep, rich arch type that human sacrifice plays in our psyche’s. It’s why human and animal sacrifice has been a part of the spiritual realm since the dawn of the human creation.

No. Our contemporary lives do not revolve around sacrifice, animal, human, or otherwise. I can’t remember the last time I slit the throat of a lamb on our sanctuary alter. I would be tossed in jail. For people like myself, the concept of Jesus as a human sacrifice doesn’t make sense in our context. While it really worked for the first century folks, and while it might even work for some folks in our culture, it doesn’t make sense for me/us. I feel perfectly free, (which by the way is the key to Pauline theology-freedom), to allow the first century folks to be just that, first century folks, and to allow us to be postmodern contemporary Christian. This provides a great challenge as we have to not only understand how God was working during the first century, but to ponder how God is working now, which is the definition of what it means to be a “Post-modern Christian” but really, that’s a different conversation for another time. I believe we honor the life experience of first century people and honor our experience as well.

Instead of my faith focusing on sin, and sacrifice, my faith focuses on God’s light, God’s love, and God’s spirit dwelling inside of me. These are the hallmarks of the life of Jesus that I meditate on and that I try to live. It’s not that I disagree with the Doctrine of Jesus dying for my sin. There was a time when the junk of my life was weighed down and I too needed to hear that message. But not any more. My faith has moved on. Maybe your faith has moved on. I feel more than free in the eyes of God to explore, contemplate, and teach on what God is doing now in our lives.

Life is Good. God is Great. Amen.

Rooting at the Bedrock of Christianity

2009-11-19T06:20:00.000-08:00

Over my years of ministry, I’ve had people slink up to me and ask, “Did Jesus really die for my sins?” “If God wanted to forgive my sins, how come he just didn’t forgive them? Why did he have to sacrifice Jesus for them?” “This whole notion of Jesus being a human sacrifice is such a gruesome thing. Why did God have to kill someone to forgive sins?”

People have had to slink to ask these questions because this concept of Jesus’ sacrificial death is a cornerstone of Christian doctrine. It is the reason for God sending Jesus into the world. It is the meaning of his death on the cross. It literally fills the pages of the letters of Paul and other New Testament letters. To question the sacrifice of Jesus is to question the major tenant of Christianity. It is to question the authority of scripture itself.

Yet, people of faith who love God, who follow Jesus still question.

The issue was raised for me yet again in my morning devotions as the scripture passage was Hebrews 9:23-28. The passage presents Jesus as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, “Christ’s death was also a one-time event, it was a sacrifice that took care of sins forever.” The book of Hebrews repeatedly presents Jesus as the ultimate high priest who has gone into the temple of God, made the ultimate one time sacrifice of his life so that we no longer have to sacrifice again. Through Jesus our sins are forgiven and we are loved and accepted by God.

But to believe in the sacrifice of Jesus raises all types of questions about the intentions of God in the world. Was it really God’s original intention to send Jesus into the world to kill him? If God is truly “all powerful,” then how come She wasn’t just able to decree that sins are forgiven and be done with it? Why did forgiveness require a blood sacrifice, especially the blood sacrifice of Jesus, God’s beautiful son? Isn’t a blood human sacrifice an ancient practice of primitive people? Are we so primitive that we need to have a human sacrifice to be loved by God? What does this say about us? What does this say about God?

I long ago came to terms with this concept. I’ll never forget the first time I preached on this topic. My stomach roiled and I felt like I was going to retch. The term “weak knees” doesn’t even come close to describing the sense of collapse I felt as I got up to preach. Why? Because I was stepping outside of orthodox doctrine. I was going against the theological grain of not only two thousand years of Christianity, but also the major tenant of Scripture. I was questioning the core of how we understand the purpose of Jesus’ life.

But I couldn’t help question.

Maybe it was the start of Cowboy Jesus so many years ago. I can’t help but wonder, wander, roam, question, cut theological fences, doubt, ponder and think anew. It’s been my curse, but also my blessing. My questioning as lead me to new insights and ideas that some would say are not only unorthodox but maybe even “Unchristian.” Yet, for others, these questions and answers have brought a great sense of peace as they confirm notions that they hold silently in their own heart.

Maybe before I share with you my answer to the question, “Did Jesus die for our sins?” Let me first ask, “Is it all right to question the Christian Faith?” Can we question such things as the authority of Scripture, the incarnation of Jesus, the virgin birth, miracles, the resurrection of Jesus, the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, Jesus being the only way to God and Christianity being the only true religion? Is it appropriate to question what so many people for thousands of ages have held to be truth? Can we question doubt, throw out if need be, doctrines that don’t make sense to us and are not applicable to what we know about God in our own world? Does questioning and coming up with new answers make us somehow less a Christian, or maybe even not a Christian?

I believe that questioning is the core of what it means to have faith. It is through questioning and doubting that we come to a place of belief. It is only by doubting, tearing apart, wondering and arguing that we come to a place of understanding what our own heart sings to be true.

I also know that it’s hard to question. It’s painful to question. Often when you question and doubt what others hold sacred and true, these people turn against you. They wonder about your faith. They may even be afraid of you, and afraid for your eternal salvation. Their fear makes it even harder to question and doubt because often we love these people, have been raised by these people and have been nurtured by these people. We don’t want to be set outside of a beloved community. Yet we can’t put blinders on our brain.

Let me ask you, what do you question about? Where are you a Cowboy Jesus? What theological fences have you cut? What doctrines do you not only question, but have completely thrown out?

Let me ask you a deeper question. Is it possible through questioning and doubting to come to new understandings that not only allow you the freedom to think new ideas and concepts, but also embrace and affirm what has come before you? Is questioning always either/or? In the process of growth and development can we build bridges of understanding between those that adamantly disagree with us?

I’ve strayed far afield from where I thought I was going to write this morning. It was such a simple question, “Did Jesus die for our sins?” and yet here I’m rooting at the bedrock of Christianity.

I love it.

May you be disturbed today. May you spend time at lunch while you’re eating a tuna sandwich pondering the nature of God. May you startle the person on the other side of the cubicle as your head rises above the partition like a great moon of contemplation and you ask, “No, really, did Jesus die for my sins?” See what kind of trouble you stir.

It’s what I’ve done my whole life.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

You Gotta Love Your Life!

2009-11-13T18:25:00.000-08:00

A line from Ken Kesey struck me the other day, “You gotta love your life.” Man, if that isn’t true. We’ve been given this one life to live. Maybe we go around in another lifetime, maybe there is reincarnation, but even if there is, everything that we do in this life builds into the next one. If you don’t love your life now, it’s going to effect your next life. So if you do believe in reincarnation and you don't love your love, you better change something up or you might come back as a mud puddle. As for me, I’m counting on just this one life. Since it’s this one life I want to make sure I'm loving every day.

Loving each dawn, reveling in each sunset. Taking the time periodically to pay attention to your breath, to feel each breath as it rolls down your throat and fills your lungs. Learning how to breathe through your feet, through your forehead, learning how to suck air in through every single pore of your body.

Loving your body. Go do this, get naked, stand in front of a mirror and pray. Don't pray for a new body, but give thanks for the glorious body that you have. Give thanks for every stray hair, for every wrinkle, for every muscle, bone and hunk of skin. Give thanks for the moles, the warts, the liver spots, the saggy this and the flabby that. This old trunk of bag and bones has carried you through your life. It is the container for your soul. You gotta love your body.

Loving the people in our lives. Loving our spouses, our partners. Loving their hair, their moods - yes, love their moods, the cranky mood as well as the hopeful mood. We'd be boring if we didn't have moods. Love how they look when the sunlight glances off their eyes as they startle at something they see. Loving our children and how they grow and change and adapt to their every changing life. Loving our family members. Loving our parents, if they've passed, loving their memory. Love our siblings. Love our neighbors. Love our coworkers.

Loving where you live. Loving your home, your neighborhood. Loving how the community is planned out. Loving how someone gave thought to how your community should be structured. Wish that maybe they hadn't had been so drunk before the night they planned your street, but loving them none the less.

Loving the animals in your life. Loving the birds, the squirrel’s. Loving your dog even when a skunk sprays her. Last night a skunk nailed our Berner Gracie at close range. She came running into the house her tail between her legs and her coat was a slimy mess of skunk breath. My wife gagged and ran into the bed room and as she slammed the door I heard her yell, "Tonight, she's your dog!" As I put Gracie out in the dog area I told her, “I love you, but your spending the night outside.”

Loving something as simple as the mail person and this vast system that delivers magazines, junk mail, envelopes, bills right to the door. How thoughtful of them. Loving the garbage person and how these people are dedicated to picking up your trash and taking it someplace away from you, and wouldn’t it be grand if there was someone dedicated to taking away your emotional and spiritual junk as well. All week you could dump our your spiritual ugliness into a black plastic bag.It would be with the other recycling cans, "Plastic, Aluminum, Paper, and all things ugly. At the end of the week twist it tight with a yellow twist tie and set it out on the curb and they would take it away. But if this was true, then we wouldn't need God would we.

Loving your technology and loving that somehow all these bits of information get transferred around the world. I’m typing this and you can read it wherever you are, in your living room in your office, in Starbucks, on your phone. Loving your phone. I love my iPhone. I love being able to check emails, football scores, write notes, take pictures, text my kids, watch Utube, play stupid games, read the news, all right in the palm of my hand. I was stuck in a long meeting today and while the speaker drowned on I was surfing the net.

Loving the Internet. How crazy is the Internet. I’m daily blown away with what I can do with the Internet. When I wrote my doctoral dissertation I had to fly to Chicago to go to the seminary library to do my basic research. Today that same research can be done from my own laptop.

Loving how technology is changing the world. Some people are frightened by these changes. Not me, I love this. I feel like I’m on a wild river rapid ride of change and it’s fun to not have to worry about trying to control the change, but to roll with it and see the new things that develop.

Love turning your technology off. Love mediating. Love snow storms and bright warm fall days. Love taking walks with your son and wife through stands of Lodge Pole pines on a quiet Sunday afternoon; love that your teenage son would even want to go on a hike with you.

Love your work. Love that you get to spend time with people. Love to see the face of God in each person. Love that someone pays you to do what you love.

Love God. Love Jesus. Love God’s grace. Be amazed at the great things that God has done. Be amazed, stand in awe of God. Love the world religions. Marvel at how people have this deep need to be spiritual. Love to worship. Love to bow down to something that is greater than you.

Love being bug spit in the universe. Thank you Terri Townsend for that line, I use it daily.

Bask in it, glory in it, roll in it, soak it up. This is it. This is your one life. You gotta love it.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Bringing Back Jesus

2009-11-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

I had a great dream last night that I want to tell you about. Here’s your chance to opt out. If you’re eyes glaze over when people want to tell you about a dream they had, then turn off the computer and go watch some T.V. But really, I hope you read, because it really was a cool dream.

I dreamt that I was supposed to bring back Jesus. I knew where he was living and I was supposed to go find him and bring him back for the world. Actually, Jesus was hiding and it was my job to go get him and help him go public so that the entire world could be touched by his presence.

To find Jesus I had a special golden balloon about the size of a basketball that I held on to that zoomed me around the globe. The balloon was like a small rocket that zigged and zagged me through tree branches, around power lines, over mountains and down through valleys. It was an awesome flying dream. I love flying dreams. I read once where flying dreams are out of the body experiences. I have no doubt about that because when I fly in my dreams I’m out of my body and cruising around the cosmos.

In the dream, as I was flying my golden balloon morphed into a magic plastic King Soopers grocery bag. How crazy is that? I love it. The bag would catch the wind, I would hold onto the handles and I would take off soaring. I was constantly concerned that the bag would rip, but it held, (unlike when they’re full of real groceries) as I soared looking for Jesus.

Eventually I came to the country near where Jesus lived. I knew to find Jesus I would have to really fly high. I aimed by golden grocery bag up towards the heavens. As I began flying higher my magic grocery sack began expanding around me. The bag transformed into a huge golden Palomino gelding that was striding through the stars. As his mane flew around me my eyes filled with tears as I realized I was riding bare back on my favorite horse Sunny. Sunny had dropped dead from an aneurism ten years ago.

Sunny was a gorgeous palomino that I loved to ride until my butt was numb. He had an indomitable Spirit. He would ride in any weather through any obstacle. He was always game for whatever I would ask him to do. His name fit is disposition; always positive, always excited, always wanting to ride.

It was Christmas Eve, “eve”, I went out to feed the horses and Sunny was lying dead in the corral. His buddy Dandy, a jet black Fox Trotter, was standing over him nuzzling him just as a human would, as if we were trying to wake Sunny from sleep. I jumped the corral fence and ran to Sunny. I couldn’t believe it, my horse was dead.

I remembered freezing even in my heavy Carhartt. I sat by his body in the mud of the corral under the stars and cried. I shivered from the cold and shook with grief. As I stroked his mane I thanked God for this great friend and asked God to welcome him into heaven.

In the dream when I realized I was flying bare back on Sunny now alive, I was caught with joy and awe. Tears streamed down my face. I realized Sunny wasn’t dead, but alive. I was searching for Jesus who wasn’t dead but alive. I rode knowing that Sunny would take me to Jesus.

Sunny stopped right outside the home where Jesus was hiding. I got off Sunny and walked over to the house. I knew that Jesus was upstairs hiding. One by one people were sneaking up to see him and they were coming out healed. I knew they were going in to see Jesus. I stepped up to a microphone in the hallway of the house where I knew Jesus was listening and I told him that it was time to come out. He needed to come with me and I would take him back to the people. Jesus came out and looked at my hands to see if they were healing hands. After examining my hands he agreed to come with me.

The dream then quickly changed. Sunny was gone and Jesus was standing in the middle of Washington D.C. surrounded by millions and millions of people all who were lined up to see and touch him. In some ways I felt like I had betrayed Jesus. I told him I was bringing him to the people and instead I brought him to Washington DC. What a drag, all of these politicians crowding around him, millions of them, all trying to touch him and be healed. I decided that maybe that’s where he was needed the most. The dream ended with me stepping off the side out of Jesus way. I allowed all of the crowds to go by. I had done my job. I was satisfied.

I woke up from the dream feeling a deep sense of peace and confirmation about what I am called to do in my life, and maybe what we are all called to do in our lives. I feel called to find Jesus and bring him out to the people of the world. I’m called to tell people that Jesus is not dead, he’s not something from the far away past, but he’s living and alive. I’m called to tell people that Christ is living within them.

To bring Jesus back we’re really going to have to soar. We’re going to have to let go of preconceived notions and ideas and let go and fly. Finding Jesus is going to be a mystical journey where we ride magic balloons, soaring plastic grocery bags and majestic Palomino horses. We’re going to have to be creative and imaginative. We’re going to have to be willing to journey and travel through our memories. We’re going to have to be open to the most tender memories and deep sorrows. We’re going to have to realize that hopes and dreams that we might have once thought were dead are a vital part of our souls. We must allow the Christ to not be dead inside us, but a living presence that radiates out from our being.

I see the dream as a metaphor for our spiritual journey. Jesus is hiding within us. Christ is within us. Our calling is to go on a mystical journey to find the Christ within and bring him out to the world. In the dream Christ needed to see that my hands were healing hands for it is through how we touch people, how we deal with people that Christ will be known. Flying on Sunny spoke to me that our deepest dreams, desires, and joys are that which take us to the heart of Christ within us.

Are you on a spiritual journey? Are you flying into the depths of your soul? Are you taking the Christ that is hiding within you and healing the world through your hands? For me, this is not a dream, but it’s a reality I try to live.

Dreams, I just love dreams; they speak to my soul in a deep spiritual way. As I write this I can still feel myself riding Sunny across the sky. When it comes my day to die, I pray that this is how I will enter heaven; bareback on a great horse his mane billowing around me.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Relax

2009-11-03T06:34:00.000-08:00

“What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax . . .”

Jesus

Luke 12:29
The Message

I have a mantra that I’m going to repeat all day, and I invite you to do the same. The mantra is the above teaching from Jesus, “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax . . .”

The teaching comes from what is called the Sermon on the Plain from Luke’s gospel. In this whole chapter Jesus is teaching about a great movement of God, a great abundance of God that God is trying to pour out upon us. Jesus teaches that this great abundance is ever present providing for our every need. The great abundance of the Divine is present in every situation, in every moment, in every crises, in every joy. But our own human worries, anxieties, even our own passions, and desires get in the way of God’s abundant presence.

The more I become aware of myself and how I act in the world, I’m becoming increasingly aware of the problem with my own ego. I get in the way of God. The same is true for you as well. We have our own ego desires, even our ego desires to do good get in God’s way. I keep on hearing people say that they, “Want to make a difference.” I understand this is a desire to do positive things in the world, but in the end it’s all about our ego. The desire to make a difference is all about “me, my needs, my desires.” The phrase, “I want to . . .make a difference,” is an ego statement. We want to find existential significance in this life. This desire can become so overwhelming that it can lead to tremendous amount of anxiety. We can become so caught up in striving to make a difference that we make issues and people revolve us. I told someone yesterday, “Stop trying to make a difference! You’re making your life miserable because you think you’re not doing enough!” Listen to what Jesus is saying, “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax . . .”

Take a breath. Step back. The only significance that we’re going to find in the world is not by anything we do. You’re not going to be buried with your plaques, awards, and certificates of achievements. Well, I guess you can, but in the end, it’s just that, you’re buried with them. Our only true significance is going to be found in a deep, abiding relationship with God. The greatest achievement is to relax into the arms of God. As Jesus taught, “Lose your self.” Lose your ego. Let go of ego attachments and ego desires. Relax. There is no achievement, no public office, no job or relationship that is going to be ultimately fulfilling. We have got to get that through our heads and hearts. The more we strive after these things to make a difference the more unhappy we will be. Let go. Relax into the arms of God. Take refuge in God, in Christ.

There are two great contradictions, an angry Christian, and an uptight Christian. Often the two go hand in hand. How can we be angry when Jesus said that he has come to bring us joy? How can we be uptight when Jesus taught us not to worry? It’s time that we take Jesus seriously and relax.

What do you have going today? Are you in a hard place at work, is there conflict with fellow employees? Are you overwhelmed with things to do? Then repeat Jesus words, “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax . . .”

Maybe you have a problem in your family. An issue with a parent, a problem with a sibling, a child, maybe things are at odds with your partner or spouse. Repeat Jesus words, “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax . . .”

The list could go on and on based upon what your anxiety is. We have to be grounded in God’s great abundance. Jesus said, “God wants to give you the very kingdom itself.” God is a river of abundance, a river of light, a river of joy, a river of love cascading down upon you.

So relax. Repeat this teaching all day. Let it ring in your hearts. Hear Jesus say to you, “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax . . .”

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

P.S. Hey, by the way, if there are things that you want me to write about, don't be afraid to email me your ideas at www.stevepoosbenson@me.com
I'm also trying to get a handle on who's reading the blog. It would be great if you read the blog to join the blog, or even send me an email letting me know, I'd just like to know who you are to thank you. You're awesome.

Relax, I mean it.

A Human Tea Bag

2009-11-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

“ What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, that you can’t respond to God’s giving . . .Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. “

Jesus
Matthew 6: 30-33
The Message

I woke up this morning with a deep feeling of gratitude. Maybe it was the extra hour of sleep this morning because of Day Light Savings, but I awoke with a feeling of love, compassion, and the blessing of just being alive. I lay wrapped in the covers and my first thought was, “This is grand. The blankets feel perfect. I’ve slept well. My wife is beside me. Does it get any better than this? Thank God to be alive!”

As my twins were walking out to the door to school I stopped them both and said, “Come here, give me a hug.” They were both a little shocked, as we usually call out to each other, “Love you, have a nice day.” But today was different. I wanted to feel them, to hug them, to bask in their presence if even during a brief moment of a hug.

I filled my cup of coffee, went out side to greet the rising sun and say a blessing. Do you do this? Do you greet the dawn? I find it a wonderful way to begin the day. I step outside, face east and welcome the rising sun and the new possibilities that the day presents.

I looked over under the Ponderosa and the Chickadees were fighting the Nuthatches for a perch on edge of the feeder. A brown squirrel was scurrying down below them picking up what the birds were scattering on the ground. I stood there in that moment and soaked in the beautiful moment.

I came inside and opened to the devotional reading for today, Matthew 6:19-34 Where Jesus challenges us not to worry, but to just be present in the day trusting that God will provide for our needs in the same way that God provides for the birds and the flowers.

Jesus says, “Steep your life in God-reality.” What a great image. I picture myself as a human tea bag steeping in the world that God has created. I don’t need to worry, I don’t need to fret, plan, or become anxious, I just need to steep and soak in God’s presence. This is why I love to meditate. Meditation is a time of steeping and soaking in God. It’s floating in a divine bath. As I meditate I pray for my wife, my kids, my parents, my siblings and the long list of others who have asked me to pray for them. I love intercessory prayer, gently touching people’s hearts with a touch of God.

Jesus is so right, when we become preoccupied with the anxieties of life we can’t respond to what God is doing around us. We become ego focused. We become worried about our needs, our agenda, our concerns. We miss the great abundance that God is trying to give us. God wants to take the initiative in our lives. God wants to provide for us, but we become so preoccupied with driving the direction of our lives that we miss what God is doing for us.

I find this a Spiritual discipline to just soak in a particular day and allow God to worry about the world. There are so many agenda items and deadlines that need to be met, phone calls to return, emails to answer, people to talk to. What I need to strive to do is to be present in even these moments and to soak in God’s presence in the midst of the work.

For this day, this one day, I’m going to follow Jesus’ advice. “ What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, that you can’t respond to God’s giving . . .Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.” I want to steep, to soak in all that God is doing for me and for our world.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

So, What's Your Real Name?

2009-10-31T07:28:00.000-07:00

I love God from the depths of my being. This morning in my devotion time, after quite meditation, scripture reading, stepping outside to greet the dawn, building a fire in the wood stove, then settling back down into meditation, I found myself expressing over and over my love for God. I love Her and adore Her. I embrace Him and bow down to Him. I bathe myself in a divine essence. The Holy Presence comes over me and fully embraces me. I not so much worship God as I bathe in my deep love for God.

As I love God, the next thought that comes over me was, “And yet, you invite me to become yourself.” My God is not distant, but is immediate. God has so filled me that there is no separation to the point where God and I are one. But then I think, “How can this be Steve, you’re far from perfect. You make huge mistakes in your life and work as a pastor. You constantly fall short in being the perfect spouse, the perfect father, the perfect son, and the perfect sibling. I’m constantly reminded of more that I could do to build these relationships.” But what I’m coming to realize is that these imperfections are a part of the Divine perfection. These faults, mistakes, shortcomings, are part of the rightness of God. Despite these shortcomings, or maybe through these shortcomings, God’s full presence and Divine essence shines in me and through me.

I was doing Lectio reading on John 1:16-18 from the Message this morning. A verse grabbed me that John was using to describe Jesus, “This one-of-a-kind God-Expression, who exists at the very heart of the Father, and has made him (God) plain as day.” John presents Jesus as the full revelation of God. As we see Jesus, we see the presence of God. So much of Christianity stops right there. Jesus is God, the full incarnation. We bow down and we worship Jesus as being God on earth. But this is only the first half of the story. If we continue reading through John Jesus makes it abundantly clear that we are all one, Jesus, God, and ourselves. I know that I hammer and hammer away at this through these blog entries, but it’s because I believe it is the central point of our faith. It is the “next step” in my personal spiritual development that I feel God is calling me to take. I talked about that a few days ago on the blog. The radical nature of this thinking is that if I am right, that we are all one, then the full incarnation that was in Jesus is also in us, warts and all. As John wrote about Jesus, so then it can be also said about us. We too are the “One-of-a-kind God-Expression, who exists at the very heart of the Mother, and has made Her plain as day.”

This thought just blows me away. We are the one of a kind expression of God. Each of us in our uniqueness is a one of a kind expression of God. We exist at the very heart of God. Through our lives we make Him plain as day. It’s this last sentence that in the past always stopped me short and gave me pause. I know my shortcomings, mistakes and sins. I know my stuff and secretly, I wear the stuff like a hair shirt against my soul. It’s this garbage that has kept me from stepping into the fullness of God. You know all of your stuff as well. You, too, wear a hair shirt. It itches like the dickens and rubs raw under the armpits and in the crotch of our soul, at least mine does. It’s the knowledge of our own personal stuff that keeps us at arms distance from the Divine. The insight that I make that the stuff doesn’t keep us from the fullness of God, it’s through the stuff, maybe despite the stuff, that God’s fullness shines.

Passages like Paul’s statement, “My (God’s) power is made perfect in your weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9) suddenly jump out at me. God shines through the weakness. God shines through the stuff. The stuff doesn’t keep us from the fullness of God; it’s actually the stuff that allows God to shine. Go figure, all that junk that I’ve been trying to remove from my life is actually the vehicle by which God works not only in my life, but also in the world.

Maybe it’s because through the knowledge and understanding of my junk I have come to know God’s mercy, love, and grace for me. As I have come to understand God’s embrace in my life despite the junk and share this message with others, God shines into others lives and they too come to see God’s brilliance, God’s mercy, love and forgiveness.

Does this mean that I don’t work any longer at trying to remove the junk? Not at all. It’s like being around people that you just know are holy. Just being in their presence makes you want to become a better person yourself. When I’m completely in God’s presence, when I know that God is fully within me, it makes me want to clean up my act as best as I possibly can. The fullness of God’s presence makes me want to become a better person.

The wonderful, awesome, brilliant insight here, is that through this dialect (whoa, big word) process of God’s presence in my life, my junk realized and forgiven, God shining through my junk to touch others, that the fullness of God is realized in my life and in the world. Through this deep spiritual movement, we become a “one-of-a-kind God-Expression, who exists at the very heart of the God, and has made God plain as day.”

I just love this insight! It’s like I said the other day. We’re not just supposed to follow the Christ, we are to become the Christ, be the Christ. At some point in our spiritual development we have to step beyond the separation we might feel between God and ourselves and realize that there . . .

. . .is no separation.

While you are not Jesus, you are the Christ. Jesus of Nazareth was the first Christ. I had a seminary professor who called him the “Omega Human Being”. Jesus was the first full human being, divine being. But if this is true, then we have to hear the Omega Human Being say to us, “So are you.” You are the fullness of God in your unique life. You might be Linda of Littleton, Paul of St. Paul Minnesota, Dave of Denver, and following the teaching you become Linda the Christ, Paul the Christ, Dave the Christ.

Dang I love this. I get it. I really, really get it. I’ve had similar understandings before, but now, it all clicks into place like a giant theological pad lock that opens up a door to a whole new level of understanding about God.

Wow, how cool. You’re the Christ.

Welcome Christ, guess what, that just happens to be my name too.

Life is Good. God is great. Amen.

After We Die

2009-10-30T08:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a hard funeral. A young woman has passed away leaving behind a husband and three children. Her family, friends, and community were heavy with grief. Laurene and I did everything we could to lift them beyond their grief to a place of hope, a place of resurrection, but still, as the service ended I could see deep sadness in all of their eyes, and I could feel their grief through their physical energy. A deep pallor had fallen upon them as they walked out of the sanctuary.

After the service as I was standing in the narthex, a long time church member who was at the service came to me and said, “Really, Steve, what do you believe happens after we die.” It’s a great question. She is a student of world religions, so we shared back and forth different ideas from Buddhism, Taoism, and then Christianity.

What’s fascinating is that volumes have been written about something that ultimately is only speculation. Even with all of the testimonies of people who have had life after death experiences, we have only but peeked through the curtain into what happens after we die. There are people who have had visions of heaven, myself being one of them, there are people who have had past life recollections, but ultimately, the “ultimate” is a matter of faith, a matter of the heart.

I love reading about Buddhist thoughts on death and dying. The great book on this is the “Tibetan book of the Dead.” Again, what I know about Buddhism and death can be held in a thimble, but let me share with you a few snippets of what I understand. There initial thought is that the soul is not a comprised entity, that as a person dies stays as a complete whole entity, but instead becomes what I could call, “an essence.” After death a process of evolutionary life Karma takes place where everything from the persons past life effects that which the “soul essence” is drawn to become the next life experience. Each life experience is a step towards ultimate enlightenment, Nirvana, which can take thousands of thousands of life reincarnations to attain. Although, certain aspects, what we could call denominations, of Buddhism, believe that enlightenment can be attained in one life-time. Again, remember, I know only a thimble full of knowledge on Buddhism.

What I love about this thought is that Buddhists believe that ultimately the entire world, all beings, all life forms will eventually become enlightened. It may take a while, but eventually everything attains full complete nirvana. What I don’t like about Buddhism is the notion of Samara, the thought of being stuck in a certain cycle of life where nothing happens and the soul essence just goes around and around, as the person is stuck in a stage of enlightenment. I can just see me being in this place. My life could be stuck on the spin cycle of the washing machine of eternity for a long, long time. I find myself feeling exhausted thinking about going around and around again. Or I find myself fearful thinking about being reincarnated in a violent life situation, which Buddhists would say happens if your current life is violent, where you perpetuate a lot of violence. Which I don’t, I’m not violent, but I do like steak, and pork, and chicken and so I’ll probably have to come back as one of these animals which I really don’t want to do. This is why Buddhist's teach that your life should be filled with as much peace as possible, that you should become a vegetarian, so that your Karmic energy draws you closer to enlightenment and nirvana. I find myself caught between deeply desiring enlightenment vis-a-vie desiring a T-Bone, medium rare, rubbed with Montreal Steak seasoning, juice puddled on the top of the steak, a small lake of flavor and desire. Now that is perfect enlightenment don't you think?

As I was talking in the narthex my friend and church member asked, “Do you believe this?”

"What, becoming a T-Bone?”

“No, reinacarnaiton!”

I replied, “Not really, although I'm suddenly very hungry."

I’m open to whatever happens, but I’m still attracted to the notion of one life time and then entering into a no-space, no-time quality, of eternal life with other souls and God. Ultimately it’s an issue of faith. We don’t know what happens. But I am convinced that something does happen.

What moves me is that the after life is such a deep compulsion for human beings. From the beginning of human consciousness there is a deep belief in the after life. It transcends cultures, religions, as well as the millennia of time. It’s embedded deep into the arch type of what it means to be a human. We have a yearning, a longing for that which comes after life. Some would call these yearnings a product of fear developed out of a sense of the finiteness of life. I would disagree; I see it more as a homing beacon for the soul. The soul longs to return to that which it came from.

Does a soul reincarnate after death? I do know that a concept called, “Transmigration of the soul” was an aspect of Gnostic Christian belief up until about the 4th century when Gnosticism was stamped as a heresy and set outside of orthodox belief, which is too bad as Gnosticism has some great thoughts. Get a copy of Elaine Pagels, “The Gospel of Thomas”, which was a Gnostic Gospel that was eliminated from the Cannon. Pagels does a fantastic job bringing the Gospel of Thomas to life. When a soul transmigrates, it keeps developing through different layers of understanding until the soul attains a perfect knowledge, a gnosis, an enlightenment, and enters into heaven.

Think about this, what did Jesus and the early Christians believe about John the Baptist? They all thought that he was Elijah come back. I don’t think they were speaking metaphorically about John, but that he was a literal reincarnation of Elijah. I find that an interesting insight.

What I still keep on coming back to though is the notion of God’s grace and the afterlife. I keep on stumbling over the notion that we as humans can somehow attain enlightenment on our own. I know that I will never be able to attain perfect enlightenment on my own. I’m just too human I guess. I know that I can get real close to perfect understanding through meditation and prayer, but then something happens . . . I sneeze, I have to the go to the bathroom, the dog barfs, the kids yell out that they’re out of toilet paper and the moment is lost.

This is where I gravitate towards an orthodox Christian belief, (heaven help me . . .me orthodox?). Ultimately I believe perfect enlightenment is impossible for us to attain on our own. Instead enlightenment in life, and eternal life after life, is a free gift. Enlightenment, whether in life or afterlife, is a response of God’s grace. We could live a thousand life times and never achieve the ultimate essence of the divine. Instead it’s given to us a free gift, freely revealed by God to humanity.

Now, it might take some souls many life times to understand this free gift. Wouldn’t that be a drag, you keep on being reincarnated over and over, only to come to the understanding that it’s free, enlightenment is freely given as a part of God’s love and grace to all humanity, it’s not something that you earn by meditating enough, or praying enough, it’s just given, graciously and freely and is ours to accept, receive and enjoy. It’s like the parables of Jesus where the man seeks for buried treasure and finds it, or a woman who has lost a precious coin and searches for it and finds it, or the merchant in search of fine pearls and finds it. Every time, those that search find what they’re looking for right under their nose. Maybe this is the height of enlightenment, God’s ultimate grace freely bestowed upon all of the cosmos and it’s right under our nose. Maybe it takes thousands and thousands of life times to understand this. Maybe it takes just one. I don’t know and I’m sure not going to pretend that I know ultimate reality, but I have a hunch that perfect enlightenment is not as hard as we make it out to be and that more than likely it’s right in front of us, right under our nose.

I just have this sense deep in my gut, that when we die something happens. I keep on going back to Jesus words, “In my father’s house there are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you. And I am going there to prepare a place for you.” There is a place prepared for us after we die. Jesus believed it in his heart and soul, it’s then not too hard for me to take that leap of faith as well. Which is ultimately what it is, isn’t it. A leap of faith. Ultimately at our last breath, we must all let go of the grip that we have on life and die trusting that something profound, mysterious, and ultimately holy happens.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Being of the SameHeart and Mind as God

2009-10-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

“I and the Father are one heart and mind.”

John 10:30

I have realized what is next for me and my life. I’ve been wondering and pushing on this question for some time. I knew that there was something next that I was supposed to do but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I knew that it wasn’t to leave Columbine and go be a pastor of another church. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to leave ministry and go and engage another career. But I knew that it was something, it was pushing deep within me. I’ve been praying about this, meditating about this, writing about this. It has showed up in my blog these past months. Some people have tried to read between the lines of what I’ve been writing and have thought, “Steve is trying to tell us he’s getting ready to leave.” In a sense, they’re right. I am getting ready to leave . . .old ways of thinking and step into a whole new revelation of who I am, who God is, and who you are.

It came to me slowly through my studies these past several weeks. Like a flower that slowly blossomed and grew, it came to me what was next. The “next” is not a new job or a new position or a new career. The “next” is a next level of thinking. When I realized it I started chuckling to myself, “Of course this is what it is. Why have I been so blind? Why has it taken me so long to realize this?” All if know is that sometimes the next step in our theological development only comes after a great deal of pondering, wandering, wondering, questioning and doubting.

My “next” is exactly what Jesus told the people around him in John 10:30, “I and the Father are of one heart and mind.” My next is to realize, embody, and proclaim that God and I, the Father and I, the Mother and I, the Divine and I . . .and you by the way, are of one heart and mind.” When it dawned on me it seemed so obvious that it was like taking a very small step. But as I write about it and try to share it with others, it feels like a huge step. God and I are one. You and God are one.

Up until this point I would have said that we are to follow Jesus, we are to follow the Christ. But it became very clear to me that following Jesus, following the Christ was just not enough. Or, that maybe following the Christ was to take the radical step that Christ took and to proclaim that he and God were one. They were of one mind on things, that as Christ lived, so did God live. As Christ taught, he revealed the nature of God. The bold step that I believe Christ has invited me into, and really invites all of us into, is to be of one mind with God. We are not so much to follow Christ, as we are to become the Christ.

“Following” the Christ might be a necessary step along the faith journey. We all have to begin somewhere. But at some point in our faith journey we need to take the radical step and realize that Jesus passes the theological baton to us and says, “You lead. You run the next leg of the race.” Jesus said, “Greater things than these will you do.” “I am in you and you are in me. You and I are one.” It only makes sense to me that we all strive to truly embody the radical nature of this message. If Christ is in us, if we are one with Christ, then are we not The Christ?

We might argue that, “No, there was only one Christ, Jesus.” I would disagree. He was the first Christ. He invites us to all become the next Christ. Jesus invites us to live, teach, taught, and heal as he did. We are to become the living Christ for the people and the world around us. As we think, we ponder divine thoughts. As we teach we reveal that nature of God. As we engage people we heal as Christ healed.

I realize that this is a great challenge. I used to think that we need to so fill our lives with the Spirit of God that we truly embody God in our lives. But actually what I’ve come to realize that this is already the case. We don’t need to fill anything. God has already filled our lives to full capacity. What we have to do is to wake up to God’s full spirit within us. We need to become like the Buddha. When people asked the Buddha, “Who are you?” He replied, “I am awake.” I believe we need to awaken to the full Spirit of God within us. When people now ask me, “What do you do for a living?” I’m going to respond, “I am awake. I am awake to the Divine in me.”

My next is nothing more than awakening to the full Christ within me, and inviting others to do the same. So you’re the first. I extend to you the first invitation. Don’t just follow the Christ. Become the Christ. You and God are one. Be of the same mind as God.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

The Shoving Leopard

2009-10-15T07:29:00.000-07:00

I’ve been pondering these past two weeks 1 Thessalonians 1:4,

“It is very clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special.”

I’ve been on a study leave these past two weeks, which have been an amazing blessing. I’ve spent the time reading, studying, writing, meditating, praying, and stacking wood. When my mind has needed a break, I’ve gone out and stacked wood in the shed, which is now completely full. What I enjoy about taking a study leave is that it allows me time to think and reflect in ways that I’m not able to when I’m working day in and day out. It’s not a vacation, but instead it’s an intentional time of meditation and reflection. As I’ve been writing and reading I’ve allowed 1 Thessalonians to roll around in my brain. I’ve allowed these words to settle into my soul as I’ve meditated. As I’ve carried bundle after bundle of wood into the shed, breathing deep the smell of split ponderosa I’ve thought to myself, “God has his hand on you for something special.” I’ve wondered what is the something special that God has his hand on me for?
I’ve felt God’s hand upon me directing me almost every day that I’ve been alive. Since I was a small boy I’ve felt God leading me and directing me. It was God who led me through adolescence. It was God who led me through college. It was God who led me to my wife Phoebe. It was God who called me to ministry. It was God who led me to seminary, and the list goes on an on. I have felt God’s hand, sometimes gentle and clear, sometimes nebulous and obtuse, sometimes hard, fast, and direct.
I had a pastor friend who had a problem with Spoonerisms. A spoonerism is when you invert the beginning parts of two subsequent words. He was quite the linguistic trip. I asked him what were his funniest spoonerisms? He told me that the most embarrassing one was after singing a hymn one Sunday the people just stood there waiting to be told what to do. He was taken off guard. So he looked at them and said, “Would you all please shit in your pew.” My jaw dropped and I burst out laughing. Of course the congregation had long since grown used to his mix-ups, but this one took the cake. He said they all stood there in a stunned silence. But then, one by one they cracked up and started laughing and sat down.
Another time when he was preaching he meant to say, “Jesus is our loving shepherd.” Instead it came out, “Jesus is our shoving Leopard.” He said that at first he stopped himself and tried to correct his wording, but then the light bulb went off in his head and he said, “No, that’s more often the case. Jesus is like a shoving Leopard who pushes into places, ideas, concepts and people that we’d often rather not venture into.
As I’ve contemplated God’s hand on me directing me to towards something special, more often than not it’s not so much been a hand, as it’s been a divine paw, sometimes with a few claws digging in, pushing me, shoving me, towards that which God wanted me to do and that which I’d rather run and hide from.
I’ve felt the paw of the Divine Leopard pushing me to preach on topics that I would have loved to ignore all together. The hardest time was in my early thirties I was given a vision of complete apocalyptic destruction to preach on. God had awoken me from a dead sleep, took me into my living room, sat me down and showed me clearly a vision of buildings coming down, vast numbers of people disappearing, a whole stadium of people suddenly being taken up into heaven in one swoop. I was told explicitly to, “preach it.” I had the vision the week before Mothers day. I remember sitting there in my living room in the dark of early dawn telling God, “I can’t preach this! It’s Mothers day. The mom’s will hate this. They’ll think I’ve lost my gourd!” Who am I to argue with God? I don’t know, but I did argue and I didn’t preach it.
I was so intimidated by this vision that I didn’t preach it for years and years and I felt like a miserable coward the whole time. The Shoving Leopard shoved me and I dodged and side stepped. I kept the vision silent for about ten years. That’s how long it took me to finally step to the homiletical plate. I screwed up the courage to preach the sermon of destruction on Rally Day Sunday September 9th, 2001. I was so nervous the night before I brought on the stomach flu (a little psycho somatic) and was flat out sick for twenty-four hours and missed preaching the sermon. I then sat in stunned silence two days later on September 11th, and watched what I had envisioned unfold before my eyes. God had commanded me, I balked, and look what happened. The next Sunday with weak knees I preached the vision that God had commanded. It freaked me out, and it freaked out members of the church. But the power of it was obvious. It gave us a forum to discuss the vision within the context of 9/11. From that Sunday on I made a commitment to myself that when ever I felt God inspiring me, directing me, pushing me, shoving me to preach on certain topics, I would do it without flinching. This is what motivates me to this day to switch sermons on the fly. If God directs and inspires I don’t want to cop out on the Divine Leopard shoves me into.
Does this mean that I could have adverted 9/11? No, of course not. But like Prophets of old who preached on topics that pissed people off, it would have opened up a conversation that God is not always pleased with the things that we’re doing here on earth.
It’s become clear to me over the years that the “something special” that God has placed her hand upon us for is not always “happy, happy, joy, joy.” The something special can be challenging, convicting, hard to see, as well as uplifting, positive, and inspiring.
What keeps me motivated to discover and fulfill that which God wants me to do, special or other wise, is I’ve determined that I never want to let God down again. I never want to balk, hesitate, side step or duck. If God calls me I want to have the courage to respond. For over ten years I felt like a sick theological coward. It was miserable experience. If the leopard shoves, I want to go . . .

Even if it means shitting in my pew.

Sorry, I had to end with that. It’s just too funny.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Stuck On the Windshield

2009-10-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

My daughter borrowed my Corolla the other day. Before she got in she yelled out to me, “Hey, are you going to heaven or hell?” “Huh?” I asked. It’s bad enough that I have people thinking I’m going to hell, and I’m leading my church to hell, but now my daughter is getting in on the act.
“What in the good Lord’s name are you talking about?”
“It’s right here Dad, in your windshield. Are you going to heaven or hell?” She reached down and plucked out a card that had been stuck under the wiper blade on the windshield. On the card was a face of a very ordinary guy. The tag line under the picture said, “Is this man going to heaven or hell.” Jeeeeesh! I hate these things. My daughter laughed. “So Dad, what is it? Heaven or hell?”
Thank goodness I’ve raised my kids with a fairly progressive theology. “What do you think?” She said, “Well, the way you’ve been treating my lately, I’ll say hell.”
“Get in the car and don’t wreck it. Fill the tank with gas while you’re at it.” “See, I told you . . .hell.”
As she drove down the drive way, I took the card, flipped it over and there was a whole discourse about how it’s hard to know whether someone is going to heaven or hell, “The picture could be yours,” it said. Not so much. This guy was balding and a little on the pudgy side. “The only sure way to avoid the wrath of God and go to heaven is to repent of your sins, and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.”
“Wow,” I thought, “Who put this on my windshield?” “One of my neighbors?” I do have these pretty fundy people who live at the end of our road that give me the creeps. We have a mutual prayer line going. They pray that I’ll be saved and I pray that they’ll move. Would they have done this or was it somebody at the mall?” It blows me away that people are so concerned about people going to hell that not only would they print up a bunch of cards, but they would take the time to go to every flipping car in the mall and put these under windshields. That has to be trespassing don’t you think? Does the, “Make my day” law apply to people putting stuff like this under your car windshield wiper?” (I know, that’s not very Christ like.)
Now, I know that I’m waay over reacting, but if you’ve been following my blog at all, this kind of stuff makes me nuts. We can debate from here to when hell freezes over whether there’s a hell, or not, and if so, does God send people there. If God sends people there, does She leave them there? Or, does She engage a process of salvation with them that extends even to hell and beyond until all souls are redeemed? The best book on this is, “If Grace be True” by Gully. If you have any questions on heaven and hell, you really need to read the book.
But what really pissed me off about the card was what if there was someone who had no idea about what following The Christ meant? What if they were curious about Jesus, about following him? What if they were a rote beginner, just entering their spiritual journey. What would they learn about God from this card? They would learn that the basically God is down right angry with humanity. God is pissed off. She’s so pissed off that She’s going to cast you right into hell for all of eternity. They would learn that the basic purpose of Jesus was nothing more than a “Get out of hell card.” Say the little prayer and get out of hell. There was no mention of love, of compassion, of God’s abiding presence, of the Spirit of God dwelling in all of creation, of the cosmic nature of Christ present in all living and non living beings. It was just anger, hell, and damnation.
It’s stuff like this that makes me want to leave Christianity. It’s little cards printed by little minds that makes me embarrassed to say I’m a Christian. When people ask me, “Are you a Christian?” I always want to say, “Want to get a cup of coffee?” Because it’s going to take me a while to unpack how differently I believe than what seems to be the main line thinking of what it means to follow the master. The only reason why I don’t ditch Christianity is that I know deep in my heart I am one. I love God, I love the Master, I love his teachings, I know that the Spirit of Christ dwells in all people, I desire to awaken all sentient beings to the presence of Christ within them.
I’ve been meditating on 1 Thessalonians 1:3-4, “It is very clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has placed his hand on you for something special.” If we really want to attract people to following the Master, then maybe we should put that on cards and paste them all over the mall. The basic premise of this verse is that God loves us. The basic desire and emotion of God is that of love. At the depths of the cosmic nature of God is love. That which emanates from God to every essence of all of creation, in this galaxy and the next, is love.
I’ve been studying Buddhism lately. It’s my escape plan incase the fundamentalists win the day and I’m run out of the church. I love the Buddha and his teachings. The teachings of the Buddha and the teachings of the Master are but a whisper away from each other. I have a statue of the Buddha beside my statue of the empty tomb. (By the way, I want to ditch the cross as the central image of what it means to follow the master. Sacrifice is not at the center of our faith, but love, hope and resurrection is. But more on that in another blog.) However, there is one fundamental difference between Buddhism and Christianity, or any of the Abrahamic faiths for that matter. Buddhism does not believe in a theistic God. They believe in a divine blissful cosmic essence that we awaken to and we seek to embody and follow. We all embody this cosmic essence as the Buddha did. We all strive to attain a Buddha nature. It’s actually not a bad image for God, and as I said, but a whisper away from what I believe. But . . .what I believe in my heart is that God is more than just a cosmic essence, God has a persona. God is relational. This is why in my own expression of God I have to use personal pronouns, “She” or “He.” It really doesn’t matter to me which one either. I try to use “She” because I know that it stretches people to think about God in feminine terms. The key though is relational. John says, “God is love.” Paul here in 1 Thessalonians says that it is clear that God loves us. It implies emotion, desire, compassion directed from God to us. A cosmic essence doesn’t do that. It is only a relational being that can do that. The only way I know how to express this is to stoop to anthropomorphic terms of “She” and “He.” She loves us. He loves us. She loved us so much that She sent Her son into the world. The personal pronoun expresses the relational aspect of God. God wants to relate to us and He wants us to relate to him. The base of this relationship is love. It’s not wrath, vengeance, hell, sin, death, destruction, Armageddon, but love, mercy and compassion. God wants us to draw so close to us that God has planted the divine essence inside of us. If we want to awaken to the love of God, we awaken to love within us. If we want to share the divine essence of God with the world, we share the love within us. If we want to know what God cares about, is concerned about, (notice how these are all relational terms) it is expressing love to every sentient being that fills the cosmos. When we experience the love of God, we experience the great bliss and freedom of God. We are freely, totally, unconditionally loved.
I have an idea. Write out, “It is clear to me, that God not only loves you but has placed his hand upon you for something special.” Stick that under your windshield. Stick that under the windshield of the car next to you. Stick it under your spouse’s windshield. Now, give it to your kid. Give it to your coworker. Give it to your cranky neighbor. Better yet, follow the Fundy around who is sticking these crazy “Are you going to hell” cards under people’s windshields and give it to them. Tell them it’s from me. Tell them Cowboy Jesus wants to tell them something, “God loves you. And by the way, would you please stick those cards up. . .

. . .in the garbage pail by the mall door.” (Gotcha, you thought I was going to say something foul. How dare you.)

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

This Is It

2009-10-06T07:31:00.001-07:00

You know, there are some times when I just don’t get it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t know what God wants me to do. I know that this also frustrates God because God thinks it’s plain as day.
This is why I’m meditating on this verse from 1 Thessalonians 1:3

“ It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much, but has put his hand on you for something special.”

I want to plumb the depths of this passage. I first read it about a month ago. It jumped out at me and grabbed me. It’s been a spiritual shadow that has lurked in the corners of my soul. It has a message for me that I need to hear. I’ve learned over the years that when a passage from the Bible does this for me, I need to focus in on it, meditate with it, live it, breath it, and allow God to speak.

I was stacking firewood yesterday. I’m in the process of bringing in six cords of wood for our winter fuel. I heat our home with two woodstoves. It’s a project that begins in the first week of August and ends in October. As I was emptying the back of the F350 and tossing the wood into the shed I found myself thinking about the verse.

Paul is telling the church at Thessalonica that it is very clear to him that not only God loves them, but that God has put his hand on them for something special. What struck me yesterday was that it was clear to Paul that God had something special in store for the members of that church. Looking at them, Paul could see and feel God’s hand resting upon them. More than just God loving them, God had expectations for them that they were to fulfill. I read a passage like this and it reverberates in my soul.

I know that God loves me. I know that God has placed the divine paw upon me. I know that God has asked me to do something special, as God does for all of us. The problem is that it’s about as clear as mud what I’m supposed to be doing and lately, as in the past two years, it’s been driving me nuts.

It’s been itching at my soul. I keep on thinking that there is something else that I’m supposed to me doing, but I’m not quite sure what it is. I love my job. I love my church. I love preaching, and teaching, and counseling, but I keep on feeling there’s more God wants me to do. I’ve meditated upon it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve talked with mentor’s about it. I know this makes God nuts, because from the Divine perspective I know God thinks it’s crystal clear.

I read a passage yesterday that hit me hard. Mark 8:14-21. In the passage Jesus becomes so frustrated with the disciples that he says to them, “Don’t you get it all?” “Do you still not get it?” I read those words and I can hear God say the same thing to me, “Don’t you get it Steve? Don’t you get it all?”
One day God intervened in my life and I know from the Divine perspective she tried to make it abundantly clear. I was driving down Deer Creek Canyon one Sunday morning to church. It was a gorgeous morning. I passed several deer in the canyon, which I always take as a good omen. Deer are one of my spiritual animals. Deer represent spirituality, mystery, a gentle calm presence in my soul. I had some soft music playing. With each curve of the canyon I felt myself mellowing into a rhythm of awareness. I came around the final curve of the canyon and something changed in the air. A mystical sparkle filled the Corolla. I’ve felt this before. I knew God was about to speak. I hit the music off. I breathed deep and opened my eyes wide. As I came down the straightaway and looked off at the red rocks rosy in the rising sun I heard God’s voice crystal clear in my head. She said, “This is it.”

I just about wrecked.

I was expecting a burning bush and a theological discourse, at least an argument that She had with Moses. But all I got was “This is it.” She spoke and she left.

I shouted back to the windshield, “Wait, don’t you go yet! God, get back here. What do you mean, ‘this is it.’ That’s not enough! What’s ‘it.’”

Too bad, so sad. God spoke and was gone.

“Damn it.”

Yes, I say, “Damn it.” It’s like, “shit.” They’re both great words that just fit certain occasions. I know, you’re shocked, the Pastor cusses. Get over it. I don’t’ cuss on a regular basis, just when the word fits the situation. “Damn it” fit. I was pissed because I know that God thought She was making it abundantly clear what “It” was that I was supposed to do. But I was left baffled. What’s “It?”

As I drove down the road I was thinking, “What’s it?” Is it staring at the red rocks? Is it meditating and communing? Is it preaching and teaching at Columbine? Or is “it” that itching at the soul for more? The silence roared with emptiness. Whenever God shows up, speaks, and leaves, the vacuum that’s left is enormous. It’s amazing how huge the inside of a Corolla can feel. That little “go-cart” with a shell felt like a spiritual connection to the cosmos.

You might be thinking, “But Steve, God spoke to you!” I know, I am honored and humbled. I should probably build a shrine at the bottom of the canyon, to remind myself everyday, “This is it!” But, I can’t get over wondering what “It” is.

In the year or so since God spoke those words, and I’ve wondered and puzzled, I can hear God say to me as Jesus said to the disciples, “Don’t you get it? Don’t you get it at all? Are you being willfully stupid? Isn’t it abundantly clear that I’ve placed my hand upon you for something special?”

I do get this. I know that God has placed the Divine mitt upon me and upon you for that matter. I just wished I knew exactly what “it” is.

I’ve come to realize that there is great beauty in “It.” “It” is what ever I place my hands upon. “It” is an expression of my soul’s longing. “It” is whatever I decide to give expression to. If it’s speaking and preaching, then this is “it.” If it’s teaching, then this is “It.” I love to write and wish I had more time to write. I know that if I ever decided to chuck it all, live in poverty and write, then this too would be “It.”
God’s divine blessing rests upon my own soul and life. God has trusted me to determine my own destiny. I feel God has brought me to a point and said, “Now, go live. I will bless you in what ever direction you decided to go.” Do you want to drive a propane truck? Then this is it. How about teach third grade math? (Ahh….no.) But this too would be it. While it’s not abundantly clear, my life is beginning to make sense. Live, love, explore. I’m entering a phase in my life where I’m wanting to step outside of my box and really explore new dimensions of my gifts and skills. I strive to live each day thinking that whatever this day holds is truly “it.”

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Some Winter Thoughts at Ten Degrees

2009-10-05T08:14:00.001-07:00

Wow, ten degrees this morning. It’s only October 26th, and we’re down below the teens. It makes me wonder what kind of winter we’re in for. As cold as it was, I will say it was quite beautiful. I was up early to scrape the snow and ice from my kid’s cars. I took their keys and had the cars warmed up for them so by the time they got in they were toasty. I know it’s not all that environmentally sound, and down in the burbs you can’t do this for fear of having your car stolen, but up here in the mountains I like to do this as a small gesture of love for my kids. I just want my kids to have a warm car to drive in. They swear to me that they know what they’re doing on snow and Ice. “I’m seventeen. It’s not like I just learned to drive!” Yea, right. My son comes out and before he climbs in he gives me a big bear hug. I tell him that I love him. Both of my twins back out the drive way and drive to their separate schools. I hold my breath, and say a prayer as they drive away.

After they leave I go into the barn. The horses nicker. Their breaths are great puffs of steam, like three dragons waiting in the dawn. I break open a fresh bail, throw them each two flakes, throw in some grain, and they dive in with great abandon.

Our three barn cats come stretching out from between the bails where
they’ve burrowed dens in the hay. I feed them, check their water, and head back to the house.

The sky is predawn grey. I grab the snow shovel and shovel the snow off the deck. The rhythm of the scooping allows my mind to wander. I find myself thinking of Shelby Jenkins.

Shelby died this past Friday morning after a three-year battle with cancer. She’s been in the resurrection just these three days. As I shovel I begin to think how eternity feels like such a long time. My heart is torn in two different directions. On the one hand I’m grateful her suffering is over. I’m grateful that I know that she’s in God’s hands. But on the other hand my heart is heavy for her husband, her three kids, and her parents who grieve her death.

Shelby was so full of life and love. She had an amazing sparkle about her and a grand smile that could fill up a room. She poured love out upon her students and her friends. She will be so much missed.

Shelby’s death makes me think of John Sayer. John died earlier this year. I still miss John and wonder what he’s doing in the resurrection. John and Shelby were in the same cancer support group that I led last year. I wonder if John came to meet Shelby as she passed over. Before John died I told him I wanted him to come greet me what I died.

I shovel snow, I think of cancer, I think of the people I’ve loved and ministered to over the years who have died from cancer. What a disease. What a brutal disease indeed. I wonder if someday they’ll be a cure.

I found that I’ve stopped shoveling. I’m leaning on the handle staring at the sun that’s just now breaking over the hog back. The snow crystals dance in the morning light. A new day. Life. Death. The sun keeps on rising.

In the quiet I ask God for a blessing upon my children, my wife, my family and church. I set the shovel beside the door and step inside to go stand beside the wood stove.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Thoughts of Failure-Shenpa

2009-10-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

My eyes hadn’t even opened and my mind was scrolling through what I consider to be my litany of failures. I don’t know why my brain does this. I went to sleep in a positive frame of mind. I slept soundly all night. But yet, before I’m even awake my brain is processing all of the mistakes that I’ve committed in my life. This time it was all the bad hires that I’ve made over the years and the the effect that these people have had on not only my life, but on the life of others, and the life of the church.

Let’s face it, there have been some pretty devastating people that we’ve had at our church. As I was beating myself up over these people, there was another part of my brain that was trying to remind myself, “Well, you didn’t hire these people by yourself. There was a committee. You’ve also hired some pretty good people over the years, look at your current staff. You’re no better or worse than people in the business community. Everyone seems to be about 50/50.” I’m not even fully conscious and there’s an internal argument happening in my brain.

I don’t know if anybody else has these type of internal arguments, but mine are fairly frequent. In the worse of my waking moments, my first feeling is that of being a total failure. The day hasn’t even started, my feet haven’t even hit the floor and I’m thinking how I’ve screwed up.

I often wonder where this negativity comes from. I consider myself a pretty optimistic and positive person. But yet, in my most vulnerable moments, when my guard is completely down, when I’m sound asleep, the negative voices creep in.

This morning was different though. I’ve learned a new Buddhist tool that I’ve been using in all different places of my life. It’s called “Shenpa.” For a great understanding of Chenpa listen to Pema Chodron’s book, “Getting Unstuck.” It’s on Itunes and I think it only cost $5.95.

Shenpa is a Tibetan word that literally translated means attachment. A better translation is "hook." Shenpa is a deep-seated emotion that we have to people, memories, and objects that hook us. These hooks take us away from our divine goodness, our Christ like nature, our Buddha nature, and draw us into emotional and spiritual darkness. Addictions are fraught with Shenpa. Shenpa is the urge to repeat negative behaviors that ultimately destroy our lives. There are some people who have such a negative impact on us that when they walk into the room we feel Shenpa. If left unchecked, Shenpa attaches to our ego, to our conscious self and we are drawn completely into the negative behavior or emotion. Our thoughts and feelings become consumed. We disappear into the negativity. We become “attached” to the negative and it draws us into darkness and despair. This pattern of behavior becomes normative in our life. We repeat it and repeat it until it is akin to addiction. We become addicted to the negative, despair and darkness.

Shenpa is also a great gift, because once we understand Shenpa it provides insight and blessing. Instead of having to disappear into Shenpa, if recognized we become curious of it’s presence in our lives. We lightly touch the Shenpa issue. We walk around it emotionally, looking at it and wondering about it’s presence. I’ve learned to surround the Shenpa issue with the healing light of God. I often make note of the issue so that I can meditate and pray around the issue or person. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I’ve learned to unhook myself from the negative. I know that I can give myself the permission to not disappear into the pain of darkness.

So I did that this morning. It was a Shenpa morning. In days past I would wake up to the negative and go for a long bout of beating myself up about something that I’ve done. It would take until mid morning for me to shake the negative from my soul. This morning was different. Instead of disappearing into the negative I told myself, “Shenpa,” don’t get hooked. Why is it here? I lay still under the covers and wondered. I said a silent prayer, “God show me why this is here?” Then it dawned on me, what I was pondering on most of yesterday and late into the night was my frustration with our Christian belief in our total depravity of our soul. I just can’t stand this doctrine that our true nature as humans is a broken nature and a sinful nature. I can’t stand the concept that we’re totally depraved. I so disagree with this. We are blessed children of God. We are loved children of God. God has created with a deep inner goodness; a deep inner blessing. Why does Christianity insist on this type of negativity? Yesterday I committed myself to making sure my teaching was grounded in the positive blessing of God. I want to overcome these negative doctrines with teachings of love and grace.

Laying in the covers, The “a-ha” came when I thought to myself, “Of course, I have been right, this negative is the yang to the positive yin.” It is the darkness of my unconscious reminding me of mistakes and failures. Where there is light, there is also darkness. But the darkness doesn’t have to be negative. Instead of getting hooked with Shenpa, I was able to gently stop and pray for these people that are no longer in my life, (Thanks be to God for all things holy!). Instead of dread, I felt blessing.

It was dark. The cold morning air poured through the open window onto my face. I smiled. Shenpa, Blessing. I got up, let the dogs out, came to the couch and opened the Bible to the reading for today, Psalm 105:1-6. It is a Psalm of blessing, “Live a happy life! Keep your eyes open for God, watch for God’s works, be alert for signs of God’s presence.” Sitting there with the Bible on my lap, a fire in the wood stove and the sun rising I knew in my soul that I was not a failure, but a blessing. The blessing allowed me to look for God's presence. Have there been mistakes? Yes, of course. But from them have also come my greatest insights and learning’s. I was able to give thanks for all of the wonderful people who fill my life with grace. Yesterday I found myself giving thanks for my current staff and found myself deeply blessed. I saw God's presence in their presence.

Shenpa. Try it in your life. Unhook. Find grace. Be reminded that the depths of your soul is goodness and blessing.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Are You Really a Christian?

2009-10-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me yesterday, “Are you really a Christian?” I sat back in my chair and chuckled to myself. “I guess, it depends.” The person meant me no ill will, it was actually a question they had about themselves and their faith and beliefs.

The question came after a long conversation about the Gospels, the life of Jesus, when did Paul write, and how did the book of Hebrews connect with the book of Leviticus. We discussed how to take the Bible seriously, not literally. We talked about how the Gospel are not transcripts of video tapes, but literally accounts of the life of Jesus designed to make a point. The conversation ranged to the inspiration of the Bible. Did God uniquely inspire the Gospel writers, or were they inspired in the same way any good writer is inspired. I shared how different John was from the Matthew, Mark, and Luke, and if taken literally, John presents Christianity as an exclusive religion, but if taken metaphorically, John presents a cosmic Christ that embraces the entire world. We talked about how I don’t believe Jesus died for our sins. Well, he did if you were a first century Christian whose life revolved around sacrifice. As a first century Christian the notion of Jesus as being the perfect sacrifice that freed you from having to constantly go to the temple to become clean and pure before God was a notion of liberation. But for those of us in a contemporary society whose faith and life does not revolve around sacrifice, then it doesn’t make sense. I shared how I couldn’t remember the last time I sacrificed a lamb on our alter at church. I shared how the notion of God requiring a human sacrifice for forgiveness is a reflection of a primitive view of blood atonement that ancient people believed, but is not one that I affirmed in my life. Instead I believe that we need to explore a different purpose of Jesus’ presence on the earth.

The conversation ranged to Jesus, the Buddha, and the Tao. I shared that what I love about the Tao is that it presents the great movement of God that is spreads, permeates and moves through cosmos. What I love about Jesus is that Jesus embodies the fullness of the Tao in a human being and shows the possibility of the same fullness in every human being. What I love about the teachings of the Buddha, is that it provides concrete tools that humans can use to detach from the entanglements of life and become open to the movement of the Tao, the presence of Christ in our life. I shared how while Hinduism is a vast religion that I know only a thimble full of information, their notion of the Brahman of God being present in the Atman of creation is very similar to our notion of Panentheism. I shared how I loved the Bhagavad Gita, and find the teachings of Krishna, who was also fully human and fully divine, inspiring, nurturing and also revealed the central essence of God. We talked about Islam and the Koran and the pillars of the Moslem faith. If I understand a thimble full of Hinduism, then I understand a thumbnail of Islam. But, while I don’t understand the violence that Islam brings to the world, I also know that when I worshiped in a Mosque with fellow Moslems and as the taught me kneel, touch my head to the floor and recite prayers, I too felt the awesome presence of God.

After talking and talking, there was finally silence. She sat their, and looked at me, and asked in all humility, “So, do you really think you’re a Christian?” I smiled.

“No,”I said. “Not according to many, many people who want God and Jesus to fit into a tight, neat orthodox box where faith and belief is determined by affirming such concepts as the four spiritual laws, then, no, I’m not.”

“Then what are you?”

“To be honest, I’m not really sure. I’m a child of God. I am someone who is passionate and curious about God in all of God’s many forms. I am one who desires to transcend religion and get to the heart of God. I am one who believes in a Jesus who has not been co-opted by a religion. I am one who believes that as Jesus fully embodied the presence of God, so can we. I am one who believes that God embraces the entire cosmos, the entire creation. I am one who strives to be open, awake, and present in my body to life and the presence of God that permeates the creation. I am one who is humbled and awed by the suffering of the people of the world. I am one who desires to sit and be present with these people, knowing that a human presence can be a truly healing presence. I am one who believes in prayer not so much to change the will of God, or to influence the will of God, but to use prayer and meditation to open ourselves to the presence of God.”

So am I a Christian? I believe in my heart I am. For just as Jesus strived to help people break from the chains of an oppressive religion, I strive to do the same. Just as Jesus tried to awake people to the presence of God, I strive to do the same. While I do not adhere to any strict formula or creed, or confession, I embrace the blessing of Jesus as God’s great gift to creation. Maybe what I am is someone who strives to go to the heart of what Jesus was trying to do, point people to God.

She sat back and smiled. It gave her the permission to wonder and be curious about herself as well. What a great conversation. I felt blessed to have walked such hallowed ground with her.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Death is certain.

2009-09-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

"Since death is certain, but the time of death of is uncertain . . .
What then do you have to do?"

This is a thought from the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodran that I’ve been using lately in my life to help me discern between all of the important decisions that I have to make. My problem was that I discovered it too late. Last week I missed an opportunity of life that I will never have again.

My in laws were in town. They were excited to see our kids, especially my eldest son who was coming down from Boulder to have dinner with them. He was bringing his girlfriend. My other two children were making special arrangements to be there with them as well. I had a church conflict. A long arranged meeting to deal with a major issue in the church had been scheduled. I needed to be at this meeting.

On the afternoon of the dinner my son called me as he was driving home. As I answered the phone I could hear the excitement and anticipation in his voice. He asked me, “Dad what are you going to grill? Remember I don’t eat red meat anymore? And what about dessert, what’s for dessert? Are Mema and Poppa there right?” I had to interrupt him as he caught me in the midst of another meeting, “Kyle, I’m sorry, I’m not going to be there.” I could hear his emotional balloon deflating. “Oh. Well, goodbye.” He hung up. His brusk response displayed his clear feelings on the issue.

I had the meeting. It went well. We made a major decision that would effect the church for several years. When I got home the dinner was over. My son had returned back to Boulder but the buzz and energy of the dinner was still in the room. My in laws raved about their beautiful grand children. My twins were beaming with how fun it was. My wife had a glow of satisfaction from being with her family. And I, well, it became very obvious that I missed out.

How many times must I learn the lesson that no one on their death bed says, “Gee, I wish I spent more time at work.” It’s not that I plan on dying anytime soon. But it is true that we never know when we will die. We are all pounded by demands upon our time. We have our jobs that require responsibility, commitment, and duty. But, there are also those other aspects of life that never require “responsibility,” but they are more the matters of the heart. Should they not also have a certain sway in our lives? Shouldn’t they also place a certain amount of “you must not miss this? Your soul requests your presence?” I believe so. If I die this week, I will have a certain amount of grief that I ignored the matters of the soul for the responsibility of work.

I felt the echo’s of grief for missing the dinner for several days. It was then that I read Pema Chodron’s quote. “Since death is certain. But the time of death is uncertain. . . What then do you have to do.” As I read I felt a Buddhist Gong going off in my soul. I forgave myself for having my priorities out of align, but I promised myself to be more awake, more alert to the divine moments that come to us through our friends, family, and children.

If you’re feeling ganged up by life and wondering how to choose what you truly must do, ask yourself this simple question.

“Since death is certain. But the time of death is uncertain . . .What then do you have to do?”

Then listen not so much to your head talking, but to your soul.

My Heart Opens In Praise

2009-09-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I told myself to sleep in. I needed the extra hour, today is going to be a long day. Tuesday is my conflict day. Every issue or conflict that is present in the church seems to emerge on Tuesday and needs to be dealt with. So it was my soul woke me early, an hour before my alarm, and brought me out to my place on the couch, wrapped in my grandmothers comforter to meditate and pray.

I begin breathing . . .
I listen to my breath . . .
I let go of thoughts as they emerge by blessing each person and idea that comes my way. There is no struggle with each thought. Just blessing.

My daughter as she sleeps. . .Bless you.
My Son as he sleeps . . .Bless you.
My wife as she sleeps . . . Bless you.
My eldest away at college sleeping in a different city. . .bless you.
A young mother suffering from cancer . . . bless you.
The meeting tonight where concern and anxiety will rise . . .bless you.
A friend who has been dead now for some time . . .bless you in heaven.

One by one, instead of fighting the thoughts I bless each one and breath.

Slowly, like slipping down a long spiritual slide, I draw down into my belly.
My hands cupped in my lap disappear.
My legs crossed beneath me disappear.

There is silence. Darkness. I come to place of emptiness. No thoughts.
Out of the darkness thoughts reamerge. No fighting the thoughts, bless them and allow them to slip away. Quiet, silence.
Time passes. I come up from the silence and am drawn to the scriptures.
I feel conflict at first with the words. Why do we need so many words in our faith? Why do I even feel the need to write these words? How come the silence is not enough? Yet, I read. 1 Thessalonians 1:1-10. Words and phrases come to me, hold me. God speaking to me. “God has put his hand on you for something special,” “You are the message.” I kiss the page, and set it down, take a breath, and read again. “God has put his hands on you for something special.” “You are the message.” I think how I need to some how wake up people to these words. I let that thought go, work getting in the way of meditation. The words settle into my soul. I feel God’s hand touch a soft place in my soul.

I turn the light back off. I pull the hood of my sweatshirt over my head. I breath again and the darkness comes quick. I sink into a deep pool of quiet.

From the deep comes the language I don’t know but speak. Some would call it tongues. As it flows from the deep comes the translation of what is being spoken. “You are mine and I have claimed you. You are mine and I have claimed you.”
For how long the words flow I do not know. It is not me speaking, but the other speaking through me. Then quietly, humbly, with no effort or will, I fall over in my soul and am prostrate before the divine essence. What comes forth from me is praise. It is not hymns of praise, it is not noise, or music, it is simply the quiet of my soul expressing a great joy and blessing.

I float. I am still. It is quiet.

I become aware of my daughter in the kitchen. The light flips on.

I sit up and am quiet. I pull out my computer and write. The day begins. Centered. I am centered.

Silence

2009-09-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

I’m finding that I’m craving silence. I’m turning off the radio when I drive so I can sit and be silent. I focus on my breathing. I inhale through the forehead and exhale through my feet. I center myself around my chakras, opening each one as I drive down the road.

When I run and cycle, when I work out in the gym, I wonder about people who are plugged into their Ipod’s. They’re missing the greatest part of working out, silence. Actually it’s not silent at all. The natural world is full of noise. When I work out I hear my own heart. I listen to air fill my lungs. I listen to the sweat as it seeps out my pours. When I cycle I hear the whir of spokes, the rush of traffic, the rattle of leaves on the trees. On long open stretches I settle my mind until there is nothing but tire and road. I love the zen moments when the bike, the road, and myself become one.

When running there again is the sound of my body stretching, reaching, working, breathing. But even more there is the magic of my thoughts jostling back and forth like a great washing machine in my soul. Running dredges up all kinds of thoughts and memories from distant as my childhood as well of thoughts as recent as yesterday.

When I meditate in the morning before the children get up, I become aware of the random noise that fills the house; the hum of the fridge, the ticking of the clock, the children turning in their beds downstairs.

I find that the more I settle into silence, the more I crave silence. The more I sit quiet, the more I desire to just be quiet. A half hour, an hour, never seems enough. If it weren’t for the demands of the day that push into life, I think I could sit for hours in silence.

When I’m silent I’m reminded of the most elemental parts of life, breathing, eating, defecating, sleeping. In silence I can feel not only the movement of my bodies electrical system through the chakra’s, but I can feel the humm of the great Tao around and through me.

Last weekend I was sitting by Four Mile creek in South Park. I rose before dawn and sat and listened to the water as it tumbled over the stones before me. I sat for two hours in silence. As I sat, from the depths of my soul emerged a chant. They were words that I didn’t understand. They were a strange mix of tongues and Indian rhythms. But what I knew was that it was something from the mystical cosmos singing to me and through me. It wasn’t me making up these sounds, it was “the other” rising up. My mind, my soul were the vocal cords of the sacred depths of being that I’ve learned to call the Tao.

As I type I hear my fingers on the keys. The fridge hums in the other room. A crow caws in the tree outside by the barn. The day begins with so many numerous sounds that it’s a chorus, a beautiful glorious chorus that the cosmos is playing for us, if we will only be silent and hear.

Random Thoughts, Universal Salvation, and the Gita

2009-09-15T06:08:00.001-07:00

I know, it’s been a while since I’ve written. Several of you have reminded me that I need to get with it and put some fingers to the keys. While I’ve been slammed at work and busy, it’s not what has kept me from writing. It’s that I’ve been searching, wondering, and pondering on some spiritual stuff. What’s kept me from writing is wondering if I should share with you the process and the questions that I struggle with, or the final products that emerge only after sometimes weeks and months of thought and contemplation. I guess I’m going to go for the former as I will always have questions, I’ll always wander, and I’ll always want to go deeper in my life, thought and soul.
So here is one of the things that I’ve been hammering on. Universal salvation. In early August, I read a book recommended by many of you, “If Grace Be True” by Gully and Mulholland. It was a great read. I also recommend it to all of you as well. However, the book left me feeling empty, sad, embarrassed, disappointed and discouraged.
It’s not that I disagreed with Gully and Mulholland. No, I agree that God will eventually save all of the cosmos. What left me sad were the theological gymnastics that the two had to go through to establish their claim that God was indeed loving, gracious, forgiving and accepting. Throughout the entire book they were having an argument within a paper bag, no multiple paper bags, and they were trying to fight their way out. The layers of bags were the Bible, biblical interpretation, Orthodox Christianity, contemporary culture and their own context and upbringing. They insisted that God had to be loving and forgiving despite what so many passages of scripture present, that God is angry, vengeful, wrathful, damning etc. Eventually, their only way out of their layers of bags was to point to the all of the loving passages of scripture and basically say, “Well, we don’t know what to do with the rest.”
Now, I know that all books are basically works in progress, each volume is but a snippet in time of an author’s life, but I left the book thinking, “Good grief. Why is it so hard to just accept that God is indeed all loving and gracious? Why do we need these theological gymnastics? Why is it so hard to accept that so many of the Biblical passages are historically locked? Why do we keep on having to argue and argue our way out of this deep theological morass that insists that God will condemn vast masses of humanity?” The best insight that I’ll take from the book is that if God does condemn masses of people to eternal destruction in hell, then God is no better than Hitler who did the same.
I know that it has to do with how people understand the authority of scripture. I know that it has to do with how people understand revelation in scripture (revelation as in how God reveals the divine intention . . .not the book of), I know it has to do with interpretation of scripture, I know that it has to deal with an individuals stage of faith development, but sometimes I just want to scream . . .no sigh in sadness, “Could we please just stop this. Could we please just know in our beings that God is a God of great vast love and acceptance and that of course, God embraces and loves all of the creation?” If we find places in the Bible, or any text considered sacred that presents a different view, can’t we defer to that place in our skull that says, ‘hmm, this must be historically linked and not a reflection of God’s true character.” I would hope so. But obviously not, or books like this wouldn’t need to be written.
I also know that “If Grace be True,” was a theological manifesto of liberation for these two authors. I also know that it was a liberating read for scores of people who have sat within conservative orthodoxy and hoped to ever find a theological breath of fresh air. For these people the book was a gift. Bless them. I find it sad that the book even had to be written. It’s a reflection of the vast number of people who believe with their heart and soul that our God is a God of wrath and the only way to avoid this wrath is to believe like they do. Believe in Jesus and be saved from hell. Good grief, this makes me sad. Ever since I read the book I’ve been rummaging around in my soul asking myself, “Why does Christianity insist on doing this to God?” Why must we make our faith the only source of insight and revelation about God? Why must we insist that people believe like we do or they will go to hell?

So . . . when I’m sad and discouraged with my religion, I turn and read other scriptures. I know that all religions ultimately have their crazies just as Christianity does. But I find peace in the best of other sacred scriptures. So I turn to Taoism. I read of the Tao’s amazing grace and abundance. I read the Bhagavad-Gita. If you’ve never read the “Gita” you’ve got to pick up a copy of Stephen Mitchell’s translation. It is a beautiful work of art. This ancient Hindu text gives me so much hope. The Gita is a poem between Krishna and his student Arjuna. Krishna, like Jesus, is God incarnate. Krishna, like Jesus is fully human and fully divine. As I read Krishna’s words I can hear the voice of Jesus. I read Krishna and think to myself, “why didn’t Jesus say these things in our scriptures?” It’s stanza after stanza of beautiful sayings that ring with the true spirit of Jesus.

“Arjuna, all those who worship
other gods, with deep faith,
are really worshiping me,
even if they don’t know it.”

Sometimes the words of Krishna and Jesus feel but breaths apart,

Concentrate your mind on me,
Fill your heart with my presence,
Love me, serve me, worship me,
And you will attain me at last.

One of my favorite passages of the Bible is in John chapter 14-17 where Jesus says we are one with him and God. I can feel Jesus in this saying of Krishna.

I am the same to all beings;
I favor none and reject none.
But those who worship me live
Within me and I live in them.

Then when it comes to universal salvation I love Krishna’s teaching,

Even the heartless criminal,
If he loves me with all of his heart,
Will certainly grow into sainthood
As he moves toward me on this path.

Quickly that man becomes pure,
His heart finds eternal peace.
Arjuna, no one who truly
Loves me will ever be lost.

All those who love and trust me,
Even the lowest of the low-
Prostitutes, beggars, slaves-
Will attain the ultimate goal.

Concentrate your mind on me,
Fill your heart with my presence,
Love me, serve me, worship me,
And you will attain me at last.

I read the Gita and I find peace. I find a resonance between the heart of Jesus and the heart of Krishna. I often wonder if Krishna is the embodiment of Christ in the Hindu culture.

I read Tao and the Gita and the Gospels and I strive for that which lies behind all of religion, a touch of the holy face of God. I read, I pray, I meditate and I find hope. I sometimes wonder if I don’t need to write a book going beyond the whole notion of universal salvation and instead build bridges of understanding between the different religions. I even have a title in my head, “Krishna, Jesus, Lao tzu, and Life.”

As rambling as this narrative is, it’s a reflection of my thinking. If this is helpful, I’ll reveal a little bit more of my internal process and worry not so much about the end product. None of these thoughts will be finished products. They’ll just be snippets in theological time. Enjoy the ride.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

I know, it’s been a while since I’ve written. Several of you have reminded me that I need to get with it and put some fingers to the keys. While I’ve been slammed at work and busy, it’s not what has kept me from writing. It’s that I’ve been searching, wondering, and pondering on some spiritual stuff. What’s kept me from writing is wondering if I should share with you the process and the questions that I struggle with, or the final products that emerge only after sometimes weeks and months of thought and contemplation. I guess I’m going to go for the former as I will always have questions, I’ll always wander, and I’ll always want to go deeper in my life, thought and soul.
So here is one of the things that I’ve been hammering on. Universal salvation. In early August, I read a book recommended by many of you, “If Grace Be True” by Gully and Mulholland. It was a great read. I also recommend it to all of you as well. However, the book left me feeling empty, sad, embarrassed, disappointed and discouraged.
It’s not that I disagreed with Gully and Mulholland. No, I agree that God will eventually save all of the cosmos. What left me sad were the theological gymnastics that the two had to go through to establish their claim that God was indeed loving, gracious, forgiving and accepting. Throughout the entire book they were having an argument within a paper bag, no multiple paper bags, and they were trying to fight their way out. The layers of bags were the Bible, biblical interpretation, Orthodox Christianity, contemporary culture and their own context and upbringing. They insisted that God had to be loving and forgiving despite what so many passages of scripture present, that God is angry, vengeful, wrathful, damning etc. Eventually, their only way out of their layers of bags was to point to the all of the loving passages of scripture and basically say, “Well, we don’t know what to do with the rest.”
Now, I know that all books are basically works in progress, each volume is but a snippet in time of an author’s life, but I left the book thinking, “Good grief. Why is it so hard to just accept that God is indeed all loving and gracious? Why do we need these theological gymnastics? Why is it so hard to accept that so many of the Biblical passages are historically locked? Why do we keep on having to argue and argue our way out of this deep theological morass that insists that God will condemn vast masses of humanity?” The best insight that I’ll take from the book is that if God does condemn masses of people to eternal destruction in hell, then God is no better than Hitler who did the same.
I know that it has to do with how people understand the authority of scripture. I know that it has to do with how people understand revelation in scripture (revelation as in how God reveals the divine intention . . .not the book of), I know it has to do with interpretation of scripture, I know that it has to deal with an individuals stage of faith development, but sometimes I just want to scream . . .no sigh in sadness, “Could we please just stop this. Could we please just know in our beings that God is a God of great vast love and acceptance and that of course, God embraces and loves all of the creation?” If we find places in the Bible, or any text considered sacred that presents a different view, can’t we defer to that place in our skull that says, ‘hmm, this must be historically linked and not a reflection of God’s true character.” I would hope so. But obviously not, or books like this wouldn’t need to be written.
I also know that “If Grace be True,” was a theological manifesto of liberation for these two authors. I also know that it was a liberating read for scores of people who have sat within conservative orthodoxy and hoped to ever find a theological breath of fresh air. For these people the book was a gift. Bless them. I find it sad that the book even had to be written. It’s a reflection of the vast number of people who believe with their heart and soul that our God is a God of wrath and the only way to avoid this wrath is to believe like they do. Believe in Jesus and be saved from hell. Good grief, this makes me sad. Ever since I read the book I’ve been rummaging around in my soul asking myself, “Why does Christianity insist on doing this to God?” Why must we make our faith the only source of insight and revelation about God? Why must we insist that people believe like we do or they will go to hell?

So . . . when I’m sad and discouraged with my religion, I turn and read other scriptures. I know that all religions ultimately have their crazies just as Christianity does. But I find peace in the best of other sacred scriptures. So I turn to Taoism. I read of the Tao’s amazing grace and abundance. I read the Bhagavad-Gita. If you’ve never read the “Gita” you’ve got to pick up a copy of Stephen Mitchell’s translation. It is a beautiful work of art. This ancient Hindu text gives me so much hope. The Gita is a poem between Krishna and his student Arjuna. Krishna, like Jesus, is God incarnate. Krishna, like Jesus is fully human and fully divine. As I read Krishna’s words I can hear the voice of Jesus. I read Krishna and think to myself, “why didn’t Jesus say these things in our scriptures?” It’s stanza after stanza of beautiful sayings that ring with the true spirit of Jesus.

“Arjuna, all those who worship
other gods, with deep faith,
are really worshiping me,
even if they don’t know it.”

Sometimes the words of Krishna and Jesus feel but breaths apart,

Concentrate your mind on me,
Fill your heart with my presence,
Love me, serve me, worship me,
And you will attain me at last.

One of my favorite passages of the Bible is in John chapter 14-17 where Jesus says we are one with him and God. I can feel Jesus in this saying of Krishna.

I am the same to all beings;
I favor none and reject none.
But those who worship me live
Within me and I live in them.

Then when it comes to universal salvation I love Krishna’s teaching,

Even the heartless criminal,
If he loves me with all of his heart,
Will certainly grow into sainthood
As he moves toward me on this path.

Quickly that man becomes pure,
His heart finds eternal peace.
Arjuna, no one who truly
Loves me will ever be lost.

All those who love and trust me,
Even the lowest of the low-
Prostitutes, beggars, slaves-
Will attain the ultimate goal.

Concentrate your mind on me,
Fill your heart with my presence,
Love me, serve me, worship me,
And you will attain me at last.

I read the Gita and I find peace. I find a resonance between the heart of Jesus and the heart of Krishna. I often wonder if Krishna is the embodiment of Christ in the Hindu culture.

I read Tao and the Gita and the Gospels and I strive for that which lies behind all of religion, a touch of the holy face of God. I read, I pray, I meditate and I find hope. I sometimes wonder if I don’t need to write a book going beyond the whole notion of universal salvation and instead build bridges of understanding between the different religions. I even have a title in my head, “Krishna, Jesus, Lao tzu, and Life.”

As rambling as this narrative is, it’s a reflection of my thinking. If this is helpful, I’ll reveal a little bit more of my internal process and worry not so much about the end product. None of these thoughts will be finished products. They’ll just be snippets in theological time. Enjoy the ride.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Time For a Poem

2009-08-29T06:54:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd periodically throw in a few poems that I've written. This one was written as I was hiking through a huge stand of standing dead Ponderosa and Aspen.

Standing Dead

Standing dead
a term that should describe
the state of some peoples souls,
refers to Aspen
beetle kill Ponderosa
along Fire Road 428.
They are anything but dead,
moisture wicks up through the core,
Woodpeckers bang out nests,
Crows crook necks on branches
A Lady bug wanders up the bark.
I sit in the narrow shade of this standing dead
and only hope to be
as alive.

This one was written as I was sitting beside a stream . . .

Forgiven

The stream gurgles and flows
through my sins
washing my soul
in the smooth stones
of grace
until I am clean.

Each day I sit
and the water echoes again
“How many times
must I tell you
forgiven, forgiven, forgiven.”

Life is God. God is great. Amen

In unexpected Places

2009-08-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

I find picking up horse manure and cleaning stalls very redeeming. After a day of being a pastor, sitting in my office talking with people about the mistakes, the follies and the pain of their lives, after visiting hospital rooms where people have been stitched and bandaged, after sitting with folks and families who gathered around a dying father, mother, grandfather or friend, after praying with people desperate for God to intervene in a life that has somehow gone astray. . .I find it very comforting to come home, change into my Levi’s, slip on my muck boots and go shovel some manure.
The horses don’t give a twit about me being a pastor, which I find very refreshing. I’m the guy who feeds them, cleans them, rides them and trains them. They don’t care or know about titles such as Reverend or Doctor. I like to go into their stalls and just be with them and be myself.
Horses give off a tremendous amount of heat. They’re huge animals. They weigh about a thousand pounds. When I step into their stalls its like stepping beside an oven with the door open. When I’m in their stalls I like to run my hands down their backs, stroke their manes and rub their faces. Kenosha, the Paint grulla, particularly likes this. When I’m cleaning his stall, he comes over and will want to rest his head on my shoulder and nuzzle as close to my ear as he can. He’s like a huge dog who, if let him would follow me around all day like a dog.
As I rake, pick up and toss the manure into the cart an earthy smell breaks the air. In that pile of horse shit is a pile of smells that is a combination of horse, hay, and the summer field that it was cut from.
I usually clean the stalls after I’ve settled two flakes of hay in their manger. Horses make a very relaxing sound when they eat. It takes them about two hours to eat their hay. After about an hour into they’re hay, they’ve settled into a gentle rhythm of chewing. They’ll have pulled all of the hay out of the manger and they’ll have swirled a circle in the center of their pile where they slowly munch and chew. There are times after I’m done cleaning where I’ll take a bucket, turn it upside down and just sit in their stalls and listen to them chew. I don’t talk to them, I just set and listen to them and feel grounded.
No, it’s more than grounded, I feel God. I feel connected to the divine when I’m cleaning stalls. When I pick up the horse manure I realize that this is really all I am, one who cleans stalls. I’m nothing great, or powerful, or holy, or reverent, I am one who picks up after horses. But in these moments of being nothing I find that I am most connected to that which is something. I feel the presence of God.
I was reading in John’s Gospel yesterday, the seventh chapter where people were arguing if Jesus was the Messiah or not. The argued that since Jesus was just from Galilee, could he really be the Messiah? They were expecting the Messiah to come from David’s line, from Bethlehem. We have to remember that John’s Gospel doesn’t have a birth narrative. While Matthew and Luke have Jesus born in Bethlehem and go out of their way to tie him to David’s lineage, John doesn’t have any birth stories. Hence the whole issue of Jesus’ background is significant. If he doesn’t come from where they expect him to come from, can he really be the Messiah.
As I read I was thinking, “Isn’t that the same old problem.” We expect God to work in certain ways and in certain places. We expect God to say holy words and heal in dramatic fashions. We have expectations that we want God to meet. If Jesus comes from Galilee, then he can’t be the Messiah because he’s supposed to come from Bethlehem. Because of their expectations they miss the Christ all together. People come to church expecting to find God there. Because of their expectations they miss the God who is all around them. God permeates our entire creation and they miss it!
I find God in peaches. Hopefully your eating Colorado peaches right now. The golden orbs of creamy yellow burst with the flavor of the sun. If you could somehow take a bight of the sun, it would taste like a peach. Peaches and yogurt. Peaches and vanilla ice cream. Peach cobbler! Oh my God, if you can’t find God in a piece of Peach cobbler slathered in ice cream or Cool Whip then you’re a heretic of the worse kind! What about each pie? I love peach pie when the baker has stuck some type of berry in it. I love peach pie when the crust is latticed like a fine piece of lace stitching. If you can’t bite into a piece of peach pie when it too, is dripping with vanilla ice cream and if you don’t want to stand and sing the doxology, “Praise God from whom all blessings flow” then you have something seriously wrong with your soul.
What about Nectarines’? I find God when I bite into a nectarine and it’s juice drips down my hand and onto my wrist. I love a pile of nectarines on granola in the morning. The crunch of the granola and the sweet smell of nectarine makes me want to melt in joy.
God, God is everywhere. I’m in partial mourning because the Hummingbirds are starting their migration back south. I love to sit out on the deck in the evening and watch the hummingbirds zoom into the feeder, take a deep swig of sugar water and then take off. Talk about a sugar high. No wonder Hummingbirds zig and zag like a drunk on a binge. If I had as much sugar in proportion to what they eat I’d be humming to. But don’t you see God in Humming birds? They’re magnificent little creatures. How could you see a Humming bird and not believe in God?
So how did I get from horse shit to humming birds? Oh, that’s right, it’s because I see and feel God in everything. I feel the presence of Christ in every ounce of creation. I was taking screws out of Kyle’s bedroom wall last night. He’s moved out into his own apartment (praise God from whom all blessings flow) and I’m painting his room. I had Brenn Hill, one of my favorite Cowboy crooners, playing from the Ipod, I was unscrewing bolts he had embedded in his wall to hold the montage of posters, banners and wall carpets he had strung like a net from his ceiling, and as I was gripping the screw driver it was all I could do not to fall to my knees in adoration of God. It was quite an existential moment. In that flash of unscrewing a bolt I remembered my grandfather who when I was a little boy would place his hand over mine and we would unscrew a bolt together. My Dad has given me my “Pop’s” tools, it was his screwdriver I was using. So I was connected to my grandfather who died twenty odd years ago, marveled at how a hand can wrap and grip a screwdriver, I had music in my ear, I was proud of my son who is embarking on his life and in that moment, right there was God. The room was full of God. It was a holy temple, a divine shrine. It smelled like a sweaty teenager (my God, I hope that smell is covered by the paint) but it was holy ground!
Tell me, please tell me you see God in your life. If not, then it’s time to wake up. It’s just time that you opened your eyes and marveled at our creation and the God who has not only made us, but is with us.
I have to leave my computer now. It’s time that I go out and feed the horses. As I toss the flakes into their mangers, as I stroke their flanks and scratch their ears, as I rake their manure and clean their stalls, I’ll be worshiping God. And you? What will you be doing? As I worship, I’ll say a prayer for you that you too will open your eyes and feel in our heart that . . .

Life is good and God is great. Amen.

On Rocks, Buddha's and Postholes

2009-08-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

I stay sane by ranching on evenings and weekends. After sitting on my rear end all day and all week I like to go outside and do something physical. Split wood, repair the barn, haul hay, work with the horses, build fences, all of them set my mind in a different gear. I find physical work thoughtful and meditative. On Saturday I was fencing. It was a three rail wood fence. I needed to replace a section of the corral that the horses had bent apart stretching their necks through to get some sweet grass that was growing just beyond their reach. It’s amazing how such a big animal can contort it self to get some green weed. I’ve seen them get down on their knees like a penitent in prayer, twist their head sideways, and stretch their necks just to get a little nuzzle of a twig of grass. All the while they push the stoutest fence completely out of align. So periodically I have to go out, pop out the posts re-dig and replace the fence. I don’t really mind because it’s great work. The posthole digger in your hands has a methodical movement of plunge, separate, lift the soil, move it aside and dig again. The only thing that makes posthole digging a drag is roots and rocks. The challenge with roots and rocks is that the fence can’t be moved to the side. You have to dig, pound, cut, and saw, to clear the hole. Saturday I hit a mother of a rock. I tried everything to blast through it. I took a metal jack pole and stood their striking it until my hands rang with vibration. I asked myself, “How did I get around this rock when I first built this fence fifteen years ago?” I looked at the original post and it dawned on me, “Ah, I cut it off short. No wonder the horses were able to push this post out. It wasn’t down far enough.” This time I wasn’t going to do that. I sat there on the edge of that eight-inch hole looking at the rock wondering how I was going to get my way through it.
Rocks, we all face rocks in our life that don’t move. They might be coworkers, bosses, a health issue, a spouse, a child, there are any number of obstacles that not only impede our life progress but they stop us dead in our tracks. I have come to believe that these rocks instead of impediments can be great gifts. They are Buddha’s that sit immoveable before us challenging us to pause and learn the lesson that they are their to teach.
I found myself thinking about rocks and Buddha’s when I read the scripture passage this morning from Exodus 17:1-7. The story is about when Moses was leading the children of Israel through the desert and they became thirsty for water. They complained to Moses about their thirst. They wondered why God led them to this empty wilderness. They wondered if God was with them or not. Moses complains to God about the people God has given him to lead, (been there, done that). God relents and tells Moses to take the staff that God has given him and to strike a rock at Horeb and water will gush forth. So Moses did, water gushed, and the people drank. The passage sings with metaphors for how we face rock obstacles in our lives.
If indeed the obstacles before us are Buddha’s that won’t move until we learn the lessons that they are their to teach us, then the obstacle is not really an impediment, but a fountain of learning. In this passage the Israelites thirst is their Buddha. Their thirst will teach them the lessons they need to learn. The children of Israel need to learn that they are responsible for filling themselves. They complain to Moses about their thirst and demand that he give them something to drink. I have come to learn that it is our responsibility to find water ourselves. We are responsible for filling our own souls, nurturing our own lives. A spouse can’t fill us, a friend can’t fill us, a job can’t fill us, we have to fill ourselves. Or, more importantly, only God can fill us. Complaining about our Buddha won’t really get us anywhere. Complaining builds bitterness between Moses and the people. Our complaining will also create bitterness. At some point we all need to sit before the Buddha and ask, “Why are you here? What lesson do you have to teach me? What do I need to learn from you?”
The Buddha often teaches us that we already possess what we need to move the impediment. God pointed out to Moses that he had a staff that God had already given him. If he struck the rock with what he already had, water would come forth. I often ask myself what gift, skill, tool, insight, relationship do I possess that I am not using or consulting that would enable me to move the obstacle? God told Moses to take the leaders of the Israelites with him to strike the rock. I often ask what are the leading skills that I have? Am I using them in creative ways? Eventually the rock in the wilderness gushes forth with water. It’s the great blessing when the insight is finally obtained and the and that which is blocking us gives way. Sometimes it takes years of work and insight. But eventually we see that that which was stopping us, is actually there to teach us, the impediment not a obstacle but a Buddha of learning.
So I sat before my hole. What was to be an hour job was to consume most of the day. It took pounding, digging, chipping. I used every heavy tool in my shed. I did contemplate the easy way out cutting short the post, but then I was going to face the same problem again down the road. How many times do we take an easy solution only to reface it again and again? The Buddha continues to show up on different paths until we learn it’s lesson. It was with great blessing when the rock finally broke through. I dug the hole deep. Planted the post and sang the doxology as I poured the cement around it. I stepped back from the now set fence and thought to myself . . .

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Stacking Hay

2009-08-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

I stacked hay on Friday. Every August I like to put up enough of this summers cutting to last me until at least February. It’s beautiful grass hay. The rich deep green bales smell like a summer field. The only problem was that it was close to 95 degrees. As I built the stack up to fifteen feet up at the peak of the barn it was at least 115 degrees. It was so hot it was hard to breath. My shirt was sticking to my back and chest from sweat pouring down my neck. Flecks of grass were sticking to the sweat on my arms and neck. Even my fingers in the Elk skinned gloves were sweating. Grass dust lined the back of my throat. I couldn’t drink enough to slack my thirst. Time and time again I went over to the field pump, cranked the red handle and put my head under the gush of cold well water. It took great droughts of water to slack my thirst. The cold spigot of water was an oasis in the oven like barn.
The hay, the heat, and the cool water came to my mind when I read the scripture reading this morning from John 4:7-15. It’s the story about the woman from the well. You know the story. Jesus comes to the well, takes a seat on the edge of the well, and asks the Samaritan woman who comes to the well for a drink of water. In their conversation Jesus tells the woman, “Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst-not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life” (John 4:13-14). I wish this were my experience with Jesus. I have found the exact opposite to be true. The more I study Christ, study his teachings and try to live as Christ would live ,I find I’m more thirsty than quenched. Day after day I want to come to the pool that is Christ and plunge my head in for a deep drought of spiritual water. I read the scripture and I want to keep reading. I pray and want to keep praying. The heat of life keeps me thirsty. Jesus talks about an artesian spring within that will gush like a fountain of endless life. There are times when my internal spring is a fountain, but more often than not it’s a trickle. I cup my heart around this spiritual spring and barely get a handful that will last me a day.
For years I used to think that this thirst was some kind of deficit in my soul. There had to be something wrong with me if my fountain was a trickle. I’ve since learned the opposite is true. I’m glad that I have but a trickle because it keeps me coming back to the pool to drink. If I were somehow spiritually satisfied I might never want to come back and drink again. The daily thirst for God keeps me coming back again and again to sit in God’s presence. My thirst has shaped and formed my relationship with God.
Two weeks ago while meditating up in South Park sitting on the banks of Four Mile creek, I had a new insight that burst upon me. After years of thinking that I was the one who was thirsty for God, a message from the deep pool of the world’s soul said, “God thirsts for me.” As I longed each day to come into God’s presence, so did God long each day to come into my presence. I opened my eyes in disbelief. “God thirsted for me? How could God thirst for me? Wasn’t God the fountain gushing into life? How could God ever feel dry?” As I sat there in quiet meditation I began to understand that God’s thirst, that God’s longing for me was a connection of love. The thirst that I felt was a reflection of the thirst that God felt for me, and for all of creation. As I long for God, so does God long for us. God longs for connection. God sits at the well of life each day waiting for me, for you, for us, to come sit and drink together. God is filled by our presence as we are filled by God’s presence. Like two friends who’s souls are filled by coming together to share in life, so is God filled by our presence.

As I sat by the edge of the creek I felt deeply humbled, God thirsted for me. My thirst, God’s thirst, is what brought us together. I closed my eyes and prayed that my thirst would never be quenched. I prayed that God would keep the trickle in my soul flowing just enough so that I needed to, longed to, come back to the well and drink from God. What sends me into silence and mystery is the thought that as I long to drink from God, God longs to drink from me. My presence slacks the throat of a thirsty God.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

P.S. I've tried several times to fix the paragraph indents. The Blog format keeps me from indenting. Sorry. SPB

A very sad thing indeed . . .

2009-08-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

        I’ve been away from my blog now for over three weeks. I was on vacation and took a two-week fast from technology. I’ll write more on that another time. Then when I got back to work I was slammed with all of the people and issues that were busy piling up while I was gone. All of the time I was thinking about this blog and wanting to get back to writing.
        What brings me back and propels me to write is a very sad thing that has happened. My son’s favorite English teacher was arrested yesterday for allegedly having a sexual relationship with a student that spanned four years. What a tragedy.
        I was heading out of the office yesterday when Laurene, our youth minister, called from her office, “Steve, you better come here and see this. Your son has just emailed me a link.” I went into Laurene’s office and looked over her shoulder. My jaw dropped. There in an orange prison jump suit, was a mug shot of the Assistant principal, my son’s English teacher, but more, my son’s favorite teacher, who singly handedly reached out to him and pulled him out of a mire of verbs, adverbs, and pronouns, and taught him not only how to write but how to believe in himself. I was devastated.
        I was overcome with a wave of nausea. Having wore that same orange jump suit I knew what she had just gone through. Many of you know that story, if not, I’ll write about that another time. Strip search, palm printed, interviewed. I’ll never forget the one question they asked me over and over, “Are you suicidal, are you going to kill yourself?” Knowing the allegations, and I reminded myself, “They’re allegations. We’re innocent until proven guilty,” but knowing the allegations, I prayed that her emotions and soul were intact as she too, answered those questions. As I stood and looked over Laurene’s shoulder I said a silent prayer for her.
        As I drove away from the church I cell phoned my son to ask what he knew. Through tears he said, “She’s in jail dad. She’s in jail.” “I know my son, I know. I’m so very sorry.”
         I called my wife to let her know. She too, was devastated. This woman was one of those amazingly gifted teachers who had an uncanny ability to not only teach kids how to read and write, but how to build self esteem.
        By the time I got home from work the kids had created an internet buzz. My son had his cell phone and his laptop opened in front of him. The phone was vibrating with text messages. The kids had created a chat room that was a chaos of screams, rants, and tears. Large tears had puddle on the computer key board as my son wrote and texted his friends. My heart broke for all of the kids at his little charter school.
        His school is a small tight knit community. It’s a K-12 charter school. We picked this school for our son because it was designed for kids who needed a small environment to learn. Each teacher knows every kid. The teachers and administration are a tight knit team. As the 10:00 news last night led off with this story, my heart broke again for this small group of committed individuals. I shook my head and said a prayer for the principal. Having taken Columbine through a similar situation I knew what she was having to go through. I said to myself over and over, “How sad, how sad, how sad.” I told my wife my prayers kept going in so many directions, to the teacher, to the victim, to the students, to the principal and faculty. As I lay down and tried to sleep, I prayed that God would wrap the divine arms around this community and hold them.
         I woke up early and found myself drawn to write. It’s what I do when I’m confused and wondering. My son came up the stairs very early. He too, couldn’t sleep. He sat down and we talked about what he was going to face today at school. He said that he understood and he was ready. He said, “I have to be strong for all of those who are hurting today Dad.” I reminded him that being strong means being willing to share your own feelings and your own tears.
        As I write I’m reminded of so many different things. No matter how we want to shelter and protect our kids from pain, none of us are sheltered for very long from the hurt of a broken heart. Whether it’s the hurt of a high school love gone astray, or the disappointments that life brings, all of us have felt the pain of when our hearts are splintered like so many shards of glass. Having gone through that pain, having felt that glass ourselves, as parents and adults we want so much to keep those we love from having to endure this sadness. I’ve learned that as parents it’s not ours to protect from. While life is good and glorious and joyful, and blessed, it is also filled with agony and despair. Every human being must some day experience and endure this type of hurt. We can’t protect our kids, our spouses, our friends, ourselves from these feelings. To insulate yourself from ever having to feel loss is to insulate yourself from life. If you’ll go to all ends to protect yourself from sadness, means that you’ll also be gong to all ends to keep yourself from feeling joy. The two go hand in hand. To be open to life is to be open to a vast array of experiences and emotions.
        Life is messy and people are messy. It’s something that I learned early in ministry. God created us as messy human beings. We are all this mixture of saint and sinner. I know that they are just allegations at this point and I hold on to that wanting to protect the teachers integrity. But if they are allegations, then the victim has perpetrated a terrible crime. All of us who work with kids and people know that we are one allegation away from a ruined career. Whether founded or not doesn’t matter. All it takes is one accusation and you’re ruined. If the allegations are true, then the teacher has committed a terrible crime, violating the trust of one that she was to teach and protect. Saint and sinner. All of us are messy combination of Saint and sinner. As I write I know how messy I am.
        But yet, in our mess, we are loved, we are claimed, we are forgiven. Our great God who created us also loves us unconditionally. Our God has pledged to be a part of our lives. I know that as this small community gathers together in their gymnasium that there will be many tears and great confusion. I know that there will be counselors who will sit and listen to the kids and process with them their feelings. I pray for them. I ask you to pray for them. I ask you to pray for two others as well.
I ask you to pray for a woman, a gifted teacher, a great person, none of which is changed by these allegations. I ask you to pray for a young person who has been wronged. I wonder today who surrounds them? Who will counsel them? Who will sit and listen to their tears, to their feelings, to their pain. I pray that God’s great presence will be with them as well.
I close today confirming what I know is true in my life . . .

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Shake Your Booty

2009-08-03T06:50:00.000-07:00

        “Good morning Bud, how ya’ doing?” “I’m doing great Steve.” Bud (not his real name) had a wonderful smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye. He looked at me and said, “I’m shaking my booty!” I busted out laughing.
         You see, Bud is not some 16 year old, and he wasn’t leaving a party. Bud is 92 and he was leaving church yesterday. He’s shakin’ his booty. You just gotta love it! How many 92 year olds do you know who not only drive themselves every where they go, play golf three times a week, but have enough spirit and attitude to live life, “Shakin’ their booty.” Of all the people in church yesterday, it was probably 92-year-old Bud who got what I was trying to say.
        Yesterday I tried something new. I wanted to preach three different sermons. All of the lectionary texts spoke to me and I didn’t want to have to choose just one, or try to jam all four passages into one sermon, so I decided, “What the heck. Let’s preach three different sermons and see what happens.” It was actually quite fun. It fed the ADD part of my personality.
         The three sermons were very different. The 8:00 was rather heavy for such an early service. Here we all were just starting the day and I was talking about sin and forgiveness. “Good morning, welcome to Columbine. I know it’s early, but do you know that you’re a sinner?” Sorry 8:00’ers. Next time, you’ll get the lighter sermon. At the 9:30 service I used John 6 and talked about committing our way to Christ. This is actually one of my favorite themes. It brings out the closet evangelist in me. Bill Graham lurks in the shadows of my preacher’s soul. Then came the 11:00 service. Of the three sermons it was the one that I was most apprehensive about. The sermon title was “Shake Your Booty.” I almost dodged this title and the sermon thinking that the 11:00’ers wouldn’t appreciate this theme. The 11:00 service while there are some young folks, by in large has our more senior members. Of the services it’s our most formal, at least by Columbine standards. But I decided, “Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time I bombed a sermon.” Well, it turned out to be the best sermon of the day, and the one that struck a cord across the age barriers. It showed me that no matter what age you are, you still need to shake your booty!
        Here’s the gist of the sermon. Turn to Ephesians 4. Read it in, “The Message.” What’s so moving is that the author is writing to the church from prison. He’s telling them that while he’s sitting in chains, he wants the church to get out and “run on the road that God called them to travel.” He tells them they have a gift. Each of them has a gift that God has given them. There is an abundance of gifts. God has filled heaven and earth with gifts. The gifts from God are a treasure trove. Eugene Peterson translates these gifts as, “Booty.” I love it, God has a booty of gifts.
        As I was writing the sermon I was curious about the word, “Booty.” I wondered where it came from? So I “Googled” it. Whoa! What a surprise! Suddenly my computer was filled with wild UTube video’s of shaking buns and gyrating rear ends. (OK, I checked out few.) There was a link to KC and the Sunshine band’s “Shake, shake, shake. . .shake, shake, shake . . .shake your booty!” I died laughing. I danced to this 1976 hit in the Gym at Grossmont high school. The Wikipedia link described booty as being, “1. The nautical term for treasure. 2. The American slang for buttock.” As I was laughing the preacher light bulb in my brain went off, “That’s it! Our gifts are a treasure from God. They’re booty that we have to ‘shake’, use, rattle and roll in our life.” I clicked on the KC and the Sunshine band link and the sermon kind of danced out of my brain. I love these sermons. I don’t so much write them as I try to keep up with them.
        As I was writing the sermon I thought of the letter I received earlier in the week from a friend of mine who is in prison. This is actually a friend that many of us know. I’ve kept up with him and try to write him often. I let him know that he hasn’t been forgotten, that he’s loved and prayed for. He wrote me last week and told me how he’s turning his life around in prison. He’s coming to terms with what he did and how his life went astray. He’s embraced God’s grace in his life. He’s taking classes and learning new skills. As hard as it is, he’s using his prison time to reshape his life. As I read the letter I was deeply inspired. He’s sitting in a cell and God is reshaping him. As I wrote about shakin’ our booty, I was thinking about Paul in prison, my friend in prison, and how we sometimes create our own prison cells that we live in. I thought how many of us while walking around free limit ourselves behind bars of our own making. My fingers were flying across the Mac’s Key board. Suddenly I typed . . .

We’re free!
We’re Free!
WE’RE FREE!

        . . .and yet, we live like we’re bound up in a cell.

        I was singing, “Shake your booty, Shake your booty!” God has given us this amazing life to live and we live it like a timid animal locked in some cage. It’s time that we get out and shake our booty! Use our gifts, live our life, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate! It’s time that we risk, try new things, and experiment. What’s holding us back? Are we afraid of failing?
        Do you know I’ve wanted to write a blog for years but didn’t because I was afraid no one would read it? What almost kept me from trying to preach three sermons was I was afraid, “What if I get out there and have a brain freeze? What if I jumble them all in my head? What if I look like a fool?” Fear, fear, fear. Who put these bars of limitations in front of me? Nobody but myself. I have to remind myself that it’s not about having people read what I write. It’s about the joy of writing! It’s not about not looking like a fool when I preach; it’s about the joy of preaching. It’s just time that even I step out of my own jail cell and shake my own booty.
        As I was preaching the sermon I saw Al sitting in the back. All 92 years of him was grinning from ear to ear. Who knows, maybe he saw the same UTube videos. But, Bud got the message! Bud’s living baby, Bud’s living!
        After church, Bud waited around until almost everyone was gone to shake my hand. As he walked away I thought to myself, “That’s the last time I ever underestimate a crowd by their age. If Bud can get this message then we all can get this message. It’s time to bust out of the prison that we’ve created and shake our booty.
        If you’re reading this today, you have to promise me just one thing. Go outside and . . .sing it with me.

        “Shake, shake, shake . . .shake, shake, shake . . .shake your booty! Shake your booty!”

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Amidst the Galaxy and the World

2009-07-30T05:21:00.000-07:00

        A fine gentle rain is falling outside this morning. I let the dogs out and stepped into the mist and inhaled the aroma of wet grass. I looked and saw drops of rain like a thousand small ponds on the end of Ponderosa needles. The green pots on my deck are an explosion of Petunia colors, red, purple, blue. I look and each flower holds a small globe of water which will become a deep drought for the hummingbirds when they awaken this morning. I step back inside and come to my couch. I wrap myself in the comforter my Grandmother gave me and I settle into the rhythm of the Jesus prayer. Slowly I feel wrapped in the warmth of my grandmother. While she has been in the resurrection now these past thirty years she is alive to me through the warmth of this knit comforter. Sitting on the couch I then feel wrapped in the warmth of God.
        As I pray I feel my soul separating from my body. I feel this spiritual part of me begin to separate and wander about in darkness. I am suddenly floating amidst planets, galaxies and stars. I feel my soul begin to praise God for the glory of the cosmos. As I do so I’m struck with the immensity of God and the smallness of myself. I feel just a tiny speck amidst the glory of the cosmos. I’m at peace. I feel wholeness. I feel calm.
        I allow myself to drift in God’s presence. Names come to me that I know I must pray for. It’s not so much that I’m consciously remembering these names, it’s more a feeling that God is bringing the names before me. One by one people and situations come to me, I hold them before God in the midst of the galaxies. I let go of these people and their situations and allow them to float before the God of the galaxies.
        I’m startled back to my body by the voice of my daughter, “Dad’s something wrong. I think I’m going to be sick.” I see that she’s buckled over a small bucket. I tell her to lay back down in bed and try to rest. As she returns to her bedroom I am reminded that the sufferings of people are not just galactic spiritual experiences, but are felt in the skin of real bodies.
         I resume praying.
        My cell phone rings. It’s my daughter downstairs. When I was sick as a child my mother used to place a bell beside our bed. We could ring it if we needed her. Cell phones are this generations bell. “Dad, I threw up.” “I’ll be right down to help.”
        I went down to her room and took her bucket. I sat beside her and rubbed her back in the same way that I did when she was a small child. Slowly, her body calmed. “I’m going to try to sleep.” “Here, let me pull the blanket over you.” She curled inside the blanket beside her Siamese cat Chai who had jumped on the bed and nestled beside her. I’m always amazed how animals instinctively know when their human partners need comfort.
        I climbed up the stairs to the living room, sat back into my place on the leather couch and rewrapped my grandmothers comforter around me. A sense of peace returned. I turned to the scripture reading for the day, Matthew 6:1-16. In this passage from the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is teaching about how to practice the different spiritual disciplines. Verse 6 settles into my soul. Jesus says, “Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace (The Message).”
        I felt this shift that Jesus was describing. From the gentle mist, to floating among the galaxies, to caring for a sick child, God’s grace was present. The grace of the smell of rain. The grace of the grandeur of creation. The grace of being present as a child is ill. It is my only prayer that as I leave my couch and begin to live in the world that I can maintain this shift. It is my hearts desire that as I live I won’t be tempted to role play before others or God. I want to be uniquely present. I want to be aware, awake and alert to the creation. I don’t want to be focused on myself. I just want to be present before God and sense God’s grace through each person, each situation, each breath that I take.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Standing In My Socks

2009-07-28T04:37:00.000-07:00

        I want to begin this blog entry by saying a huge thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read this little journal of mine. I know how busy you are, and to know that you have taken the time to read this humbles me. Bless you.
        I did a wedding yesterday that inspired me down to my roots. It was great fun. It was Monday afternoon. I can’t remember the last time I did a Monday afternoon wedding. It was outside. I love outside weddings. We were in Deer Creek Canyon park at the base of Deer Creek Canyon. It was a small intimate wedding, immediate family only. We hiked to a gorgeous pavilion that overlooked the valley. The Hogback with it’s ancient rock forms, and many strata of red’s whites and tans glowed in the afternoon sun. After a few moments of taking in the view I said, “let’s do a wedding.” I love an informal wedding. I also love big weddings, with pomp and circumstance, but there is something special about a small wedding, where I blow the ecclesiastical whistle and say, “All right everybody, these are the rules, let’s play ball.”
        We picked a spot away from the pavilion. We stepped down through the yucca, weeds, and cactus to find the perfect spot. The bride with her opened toed shoes stepped most cautiously. I wanted to stand so the bride and groom, and family could look at the beautiful view behind me. I positioned everybody, “Groom on my left, bride, you stand here.” I positioned the very young son of the groom off to his left, and the son and daughter of the bride off to her right. I told the Family members, ”Put down your cameras. You have a photographer here, you’re not going to just watch this wedding, you’re going to participate.” This is huge for me, I want people to participate in weddings. I then launched into the ceremony, “Dearly beloved we have gathered here in this beautiful place to join together . . .” As I began the ceremony, looking at the couple, I was overcome with a deep sense of resurrection. As I stood there leading the ceremony standing before this couple and their family, I felt as though I was on hallowed ground and like Moses of old, standing amidst the spikes of Yucca, I needed to take my shoes off. I didn’t of course. There’s nothing like a groove killer at a wedding to have the Pastor do the ceremony in his tan Docker socks. But it was all I could do to not slip my shoes off, for I knew that what we were doing was holy. Not just because it was a wedding, which is truly holy, but because of what this wedding ultimately represented . . .resurrection.
        What dawned on me as I stood there joining this couple together, is that I had stood in this very spot about ten years ago leading a Easter Sun Rise service. For a few years Columbine held it’s Easter Sunrise service in this very pavilion. The place I was leading the wedding from was the very place I stood on Easter Sunrise. Looking at the couple I remembered looking at the congregation preaching about that first Easter and how the woman, out of their devastation had gone early to Jesus’ tomb to anoint his dead body, only to find that the stone had been rolled away, that Jesus had been raised from the dead, that God had ushered in new life. I preached that Easter is not only an event of two thousand years ago, but an event of our lives. God constantly brings forth new life out of the devastation we experience.
        There’s nothing like a Sunrise service to capture the drama of resurrection. The sun breaks the horizon, we hear the Easter story, and as the new day dawns, we remind ourselves that a new day always dawns in our lives as well. God always brings forth a new beginning. Even when there is death and despair, especially when there is death and despair, it is God’s promise that God will bring forth resurrection. What prompted me to slip off my loafers and stand in my socks was that as the echo’s of those sun rise services were reverberating in my soul, I realized that this couple standing before me was a living example of the resurrection that I had preached about. For if there was any couple that new of devastation, this couple had.
        I’ve known this groom for twenty five years, since he was in high school. I had followed his growth and development from an adolescent to a young man. I celebrated with him and his family at the marriage of his first wife. I celebrated with the couple at the birth of their son. I relished the stories that Grandma and Grandpa, both members of Columbine, told of the joy that this new grandson was bringing into the family. I was spiritually flattened by the news that the young wife had contracted a very rare and lethal blood disease. I joined with an army of people who prayed daily for her life. I was humbled, saddened and spiritually silenced when she died leaving a young man widowed, a young son motherless, and the Mother and Father of the groom devastated. When we showed her picture at our memorial celebration in church I couldn’t hold them back, tears flowed down my cheeks. I then walked with the Parents and the groom as they slowly rebuilt their lives.
        I’ve only known the bride but a few days, but I had heard her story. Her life also, was one of overcoming great adversity. However, standing amidst the yucca and weed, they looked radiant in the afternoon son. The bride’s hair was styled like brown waves. Her make up lined her brown eyes perfect. Her dress was a silky tan that matched the red rocks behind her. Her young teen daughter glowed in a white dress. Her elementary son with his tie somewhat askew and shirt barely tucked in was a living testimony to there be nothing more painful than stuffing a young boy into a shirt and tie on a summer afternoon and make him stand and listen to some old preacher drone on about stuff he doesn’t really understand. He suffered in silenced and his love for his mother was evident as he stood by her side.
        This couple, surrounded by their family was a living example of resurrection. Out of the complete and total devastation of life God had brought forth new life. I deviated from my normal wedding ceremony and talked about this resurrection. I told the couple that what I saw was not just a man and woman who loved each other, but the power of God to bring about new life. These words struck a cord wit the family gathered. Mom and Dad teared up. This family knew pain, death, and now resurrection. I shared with the couple that I believe there coming together was no accident, but it was the hand of God. I shared that for some reason, each of them had to experience the pain that they had both gone through to find and love each other. God had chosen the bride to be a special mother for a young son left motherless. God had chosen the groom to be a step Dad for two young children. Together, as a family they were to be a living testimony of the power of God to bring forth resurrection.
        After the wedding I spiritually slipped my shoes back on and hiked back to my Corolla and returned to my office. When I got to my desk I saw a fat tan envelope. It was a letter from a friend of mind in prison. I wanted a bit of silence to read this letter so I waited to open it late in the evening after everyone had left the church. I sat at my desk chair and sliced open the envelope and was immediately taken to a life in a federal prison. Talk about a shift, from the high of a wedding, to the depths of prison. I try to write my friend often to remind him that he has not been forgotten, that he is loved and prayed for. Again, as I was reading I felt like I needed to slip my shoes off, this time I did. It’s much easier to do so in the quiet of my office with out cactus stickers threatening my toes. I felt like I was on holy ground. My friend talked about that out of the devastation of his life God is bringing about resurrection. His prison sentence is grueling, but he finds God in even the dankness of his cell. He feels God’s forgiveness in his soul. He clings to the scriptures and he clings to his faith. He daily reads, prays and writes about how his life went astray and how day by day he’s rebuilding himself. When I finished the letter, I was all but humbled. I sang the doxology in my head, “Praise God from whom all blessings flow . . .”. From the heights of a wedding, to the darkness of a prison cell, God brings resurrection.
        My soul woke me early this morning, 4:30. I came to my couch to mediate read and pray. As the son was just breaking the ridge of the hog back I turned to Jeremiah 33:1-16. God is speaking to Jeremiah as he sits in prison. God promises Jeremiah that out of the devastation that he and Jerusalem have experienced God will bring about a new day. God will rebuild and restore. God will make Jerusalem a center of joy and praise. God told Jeremiah sitting in jail, “They (the people of Israel) will stand in awe of the blessings I am pouring upon her (The Message).” I read those words and new in my soul how true this is. Where ever we are, what ever we’re going through, God pours out blessings, and we can do nothing but stand in awe. We will be humbled. Where ever we are, what ever we’ll doing, when God breaks forth with resurrection, we’ll want to take off our shoes, for we will realize that our lives are holy ground.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

A Morning Run

2009-07-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

        I just got back from a run with my 17 year old daughter. We’re both sweating like pigs and breathing hard like horses. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was just coming up. The air was damp and cool from the rain last night. We have a steep hill that starts our run. She set a blazing pace from the outset. I could tell that she was trying to do the Old Man in.
        To keep up with her I was working a little bit harder than I usually do, but I was matching her stride for stride. As we rounded the first bend we could see the first slants of the sun streaking through the Aspens and Douglas Fir. A doe jumped up from the grass startled where she had bedded down. My daughter pumped her hand in the air, “This is so beautiful. Dad isn’t this great to feel the early morning sun. And the air, it’s so cool filling the lungs, doesn’t it just feel great to be alive.” “You bet!” I wheezed out as I was truly working now to keep up.
        The end of the first mile is another steep rise. Both of us were working now, a little friendly family competition. My daughter tried a little encouragement, “Way to go dad, good push at the top!” She was using Phoebe’s own words that she encouraged our daughter with when she started running a few years ago. I chuckled to myself. At least I wasn’t running with my son who would have volunteered to call 911 at this point.
        We ran down the hill, took a sharp left by the house with the beautiful Palomino in the corral. The road flattened out to end the second mile. As he hit the turn around point, we both touched the stop sign, an OCD habit that we have, and headed back. We had a good sweat going but our breathing was relaxed and even. We had stopped talking as we settled into a fun flowing pace where both bodies were in a rhythm running together as a pair. If you’ve run with someone who has your exact pace you know this joy. Leg for leg, breath for breath, arm swing with arm swing. The running creates it’s own momentum. Two bodies flowing through the morning air. What a joy.
        We took another left turn at the house where the large poodle always comes bounding out the woods barking so loud it startles us out of our rhythm. We headed for the last mile home. I look at Kelsey and say, “All right girl friend, let’s see if you can keep up with the old man now.” I lengthened my stride and Kelsey smiled as she matched me. I picked the pace up another notch. Again she matched me put she stopped smiling. Up another notch and she said, “Jeesh dad your killing yourself!” I smiled, “We can settle back a notch if you wish.” “Well I don’t want to hurt you at the finish.” We idled back a bit but we were both working now, the lungs were aching, and the thighs were burning. It felt great.
        We cruised down to the right, took a left past the neighborhood riding arena to ease down the long hill we climbed to begin the run. The last blast up to our house is a steep fifty yard climb. Both of us knew it was going to be a full sprint to see who hit the gate first. There was no need to say “Go!” It was a cat’s game to see who blasted out in front. We both slapped the wood gate at the same time, but of course she said, “I was first! I win!” I tried to argue for age before beauty, but lost. As we walked up to the house Kelsey said, “Gee dad, I didn’t even know you could sprint at all.” I smiled. I was actually smiling deep down in my soul.
        I think it’s one of our grandest accomplishments as parents, all three of our kids are very physically active. Every day after school and work, my one son hits the gym to lift weights. My eldest is very into rock climbing and can scale walls like a spider. My daughter runs, lifts, and rides horses. For the past thirty years, my wife Phoebe has run every day of her life. My week revolves around running, cycling, weights, and Taekwando.
        We modeled being physically fit throughout the children’s life. When they were infants we piled them in running strollers. When the twins came along I pushed a double stroller. In their elementary years, they would count out reps in our basement gym as I lifted. Through my journey in martial arts they were often my training partners. They argued, and hated the nutritional aspect of fitness, brown rice, whole wheat noodles, multi grain bread. But now, they all read labels on food products. We have a constant argument over which is the cleanest protein to eat. We can’t keep a stock of fruits and veggies in the house. As they now launch into late adolescence it’s a joy to watch them begin to live what they were raised with.
        Isn’t that any parents goal, to somehow pass on the traditions and life style that provide meaning to you? What I’ve found is that you can’t push a child into these traditions. Actually, what I’ve found is that the more you push is directly proportional to the amount that they will push back. Take faith for example. I’ve never pushed our kids to go to church. Growing up a P.K. is a tough thing. Every time they went to church they were never just normal kids at church. They were often picked out, overly coddled, ooh and awed over, by good intentioned people that ruined their church experience and ruined what I hoped would be their budding faith. They began to refuse to go. “I hate being on show!” Phoebe and I made the decision not to push them, but instead to help them find their own way spiritually. As they have watched me work out, they have also watched me in my morning devotions. Through out their lives they have gotten up in the morning to find Dad on the couch with his Bible open. We talk a great deal about God, Christ, and Spirituality. They have learned to see God in the world around them. They have all hooked into the church youth group and have found their community. Currently my agnostic teenage son who, “Sorry dad, I really don’t believe all this God stuff,” loves Laurene our Youth Minister and texts her about all his life, family and school questions. She ministers to him in a way that the old man never could. She daily planting seeds of faith through her relationship with him that will later grow into maturity. My daughter has an innate curiosity about world religions that transcends even my own. When my eldest was away at college he called home one day asking how to find the best UCC church in Colorado Springs. He was tired of, “All this conservative BS and I want something more like what we believe.” I just about dropped the phone. My goal with my kids is not that they will be faithful church goers, but that they be faithful people. As I want them to bask in the joy of being healthy, I want them to bask in the joy of being children of God.
        Watching, they’re always watching, these kids of ours. They’re watching who we are, how we live, how we talk, and how we love. I find it so humbling. Their watching shapes my on behavior. I strive to be the person that I hope that they will become. I daily pray that God will guide them and protect these kids of mine. I pray that God will help them over the mistakes that I have made as a father. I pray that God will raise up the right mentors to lead them into the next phase of their life journey. I can only sit back in awe as they become not so much my children, but the people that God has intended them to be. I have just found it an absolute joy to know that I have had a small part in shaping who they are even when they beat the old man in an early morning run.

Heaven

2009-07-20T05:39:00.000-07:00

A spiritual journal is never planned, at least my isn’t. I wander from topic to insight often without any rhyme or reason. It is my prayer that by sharing with you my spiritual wanderings that it will stir feelings and emotions inside of you and will draw you closer to God. I’m really don’t want to edit too much about what I think or feel. As you can tell, I don’t spell very well, and my punctuation is off. Plus as I post the blog it's often reformatted in ways I never intended. Hence the lack of paragraph indents. I don’t really care about these things. I just want to write, put it down, hoping that you’ll forgive my errors. If someone wants to be my editor, then please edit away. I just want to write and pray that God will somehow use this journal to lure you to into God’s arm. Today I want to write about heaven.
My thoughts of heaven began with a dream I had about grief. I’m a vivid dreamer and dream most nights. God often speaks to me through my dreams. The dreams often provide spiritual insights whose meaning surface during prayer and meditation. Last nights dream was very unsettling. I had dreamt that I had a son and that he had died. In the dream I was so overcome with grief that I had dropped to my knees and was sobbing. I was rocking back and forth crying repeatedly, “My son, my son. My son is gone. My son is dead.” It was a grief that cut to the depths of my being. In the dream I was surrounded by people who tried to comfort me, all to no avail. The tears flowed from a deep ocean of sadness. The grief could not be quenched, stifled, or silenced. felt at times that I was drowning in grief. Twice this happened. Twice I dropped to my knees in moaning and pain, grieving for my son that had died.
After the dream I awoke and was very unsettled and disoriented. I had to relocate myself. I reached over and touched my wife to see that she was there. I said to myself, “I’m in my bed. I’m in my room. I’m in my house. My children are safe. It’s ok, you’re ok.” I repeated a childhood mantra, “It was only a dream. It was only a dream. It was only a dream.” I drifted back to sleep and had smaller dreams that tried to resolve the grief I felt. This often happens, I’ll dream, come awake, and fall back asleep only to return to where the previous dream left off.
When I awoke early in the morning I felt uneasy. I knew that I needed to write. I grabbed a cup of coffee, took my journal and started writing. What did this dream mean? Was there a part of me that was dying or dead that I was grieving. The only connection I could make was to a feeling that I had yesterday, Sunday afternoon when I awoke from a nap.
After church yesterday, three services and a counseling appointment, I came home exhausted. While I love church, worship and preaching, the whole process leaves me rather spent. I’m usually so tired that I’m dizzy and have trouble talking. I have a Sunday ritual where I come home change out of my Sunday clothes, put on baggy sweats, lay down and sleep. As I awoke I felt like a diver emerging from the depths of an ocean. I went from darkness to slow light, from unconscious sleep to slow awareness. I felt like during the sleep my soul had been swimming, wandering in a spiritual ocean. As I opened my eyes I felt like I was floating on the surface of this ocean. My head barely above water, by body floating resting beneath the surface. As I floated I became aware that I was thinking of heaven. Ocean, depths, grief, heaven, somehow they were all connected.
Heaven for me is a huge reality. I think about heaven a lot. I have an ache for heaven, a longing for heaven that I can’t explain. I feel as though my soul has departed from heaven and longs to return. At times I find myself mystified by heaven. In some dark times I doubt the existence of heaven and tell myself it’s not true, it’s not there, it’s a lie. But I always return to resting my heart in heaven, knowing that it is there, it is real and that we “go there.” I lay there floating on an ocean of heaven.
As I floated I began thinking of everybody who had gone to heaven yesterday. I thought of people in hospitals and hospices. I thought of car wrecks and accidents. I thought of people who awoke with their day full of light and possibility, only to have some accident rip them away into heaven. I thought of men and woman in Iraq and Afghanistan and which of them would die and be taken to heaven. I drifted to thinking about 911 and the people on the airplanes and their last moments of life before taken to heaven. I thought of the people in the towers on 911 and how they thought they were just going to work that day, they kissed their spouses, they patted their dogs on the head, they grabbed their brief cases and lunch and then that day their life came to an end. They were taken to heaven. As I floated on the surface of this spiritual ocean I was then filled with grief for all the lives that were lost and their families left to grieve. I began praying for all of these people in the world who had died. I prayed that they were all safe in heaven with God. I found myself praying for the world, people around the world who had died that day. For a brief moment my soul had wrapped around the globe and I could feel the rhythm of peoples lives and the dying and going to heaven. I laid there in bed on a raft of prayer, floating, praying for people’s souls.
Sharing this with you I wonder if you think these types of thoughts are strange. While some people worry and wonder about the stock market, or which of their sports teams are winning, I worry and think about people going to heaven. I have a bias, I want all people to go there. I know that the scriptures teach otherwise. Jesus, Paul, Peter and the rest of the New Testament crowd teach about a hell and people going there as well. The scriptures teach that we need to be ready and to prepare for heaven so we won’t be caught off guard and go to hell, Gehenna, the outer darkness . While I know those teachings, I have a deep desire that they’re not true. I want all people saved. I want all people to go to heaven. I don’t care if their Christian, atheist or otherwise. I want all people safe with God. When everybody dies I want their next thought to be, “Surprise, welcome home! Welcome to heaven.” Some might say that this isn’t true, it isn’t biblical. I just don’t care about what’s biblical or not. I know what my heart desires. I want people in heaven. I want people safe with God. After the grief and loss of life, after the fear, pain, and sheer terror that often accompanies death, I want people to go to heaven.
This morning’s devotional reading was from Luke 22:14-23. This often happens, my spiritual wanderings will be reflected in a random passage that is offered by the “Green Book” to be read. The passage is Jesus last supper with the disciples. Jesus tells the disciples that he has a deep longing to eat this meal with them and they won’t eat it again until they are joined in the kingdom of God. I love this. Jesus has a deep longing to be reunited with the disciples in heaven. God has a deep desire to be reunited with us in heaven. I feel this desire as a deep longing in my soul. I can feel God longing for us. This longing from God is what often creates this ache, this mystical ache that I feel that longs to be with God. I want to be with God. I want the world to be with God.
My dream, I do not understand my dream of grief and how this ties to heaven. I only know that somehow the grief I felt in the dream connects me to heaven. For I know that in heaven all of our griefs, fears and worry’s will cease. All or our pain will come to an end. All of our joys will be fulfilled. It will be forever. Eternity with God. My soul will be at home. Heaven.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

Suffering

2009-07-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

        My Son Taylor had his first confrontation with death and suffering. I was working in my office on Tuesday when my cell phone rang. It was Taylor. He asked if he and a friend could go to Swedish Hospital. They had just found out that another friend from school was on life support systems and would be taken off that night and allowed to die. My mind whirled. As a parent you always want to protect your kids from this kind of pain and suffering, but I also knew that at some point, he would have to encounter it. Actually, Taylor is a kid who has experienced his own suffering. His childhood metabolic disorder had him on death’s door I don’t know how many times. While he was never on life support, there were far too many times where I prayed that God would spare my child. However, the circumstances were so dyer that many times I also had to pray, “Thy will be done.” Just writing this brings back those memories. I remember how hard it was to choke out those words, “But, thy will be done,” and literally place my son on the alter of God. As I sat there in my office with my phone to my ear I flashed back to those times, I thought about the pain of those parents whose son was dying, I thought about the pain of all of the friends, Taylor being one of them, who were about to face death, suffering and grief. I took a breath and told Taylor, he could go. I asked him if he was all right to do this. I told him to prepare himself that it’s hard to see. As a pastor I have seen so many people on life support that I’ve become accustomed to it. A person is often so bloated that they rarely look like themselves. It can be unnerving at the best, frightening at the worse. Taylor said he was fine, he was ready, he could do this. I took another deep breath and gave Taylor my permission to go.
        Suffering, it seems to be all around us. I know so many people right now who are having to endure great suffering. There is physical suffering, emotional suffering, and psychological suffering. My heart breaks for people who walking these different paths of pain. I am humbled by people who walk the cancer path enduring rounds of chemo and radiation. I am humbled by people who walk with loved ones who have suffered strokes. I am humbled by people who walk with family members who are in prison and jail. I am humbled by people who live with the debilitating affects of depression or bi-polar disorder. I am humbled as I am invited to walk along beside of them.
        Over the years I have come to my own understanding of suffering. While I know it’s not a very psychological or medical definition, it seems to work for me. Suffering is a pain that is so deep and severe that it cuts to the raw, marrow of our bones and soul. Unlike a pain that often simmers along the surface of our physical lives, suffering cuts deep and must be endured for weeks, months, sometimes even years on end. Suffering puts us to our knees. Suffering prostrates our soul. Suffering makes us question our existence. Suffering often makes us yearn even for death as a release from the intense and prolonged pain.
        When people suffer at the time of death it makes me question our ethics as human beings. As someone who loves animals and whose life is surrounded by animals, I have also had to end the life of many of our pets, horses, dogs, cats, who were suffering. As humans we never allow our pets to suffer. When we see that they’re in great pain, out of love and blessing, we decide to end their lives.
         I’ll never forget my first time having to end an animals life. It was a dear old yellow lab or ours, Sundance. We had Sundance since he was a pup. When he was sixteen and his muzzle was full of gray hairs, his hips were arthritic, and he could barely rise from his bed to eat, drink and go to the bathroom, I knew we were approaching the time. I called our family vet. He came to see Sundance. The Vet said the time was near. I asked, “How will I know?” He said, “You will just know. Sundance will look at you in a certain way, and you will just know.” Sure enough, one evening Sundance was shaking in pain. He couldn’t rise up off the bed. He looked at me with pleading eyes. I just knew it was time. I called the vet who came right over. I said a prayer, the vet gave Sundance the shot. I released Sundane’s soul to God. The suffering was over. There were many tears of grief, but I was relieved that Sundance was free from his pain. I have since seen that same look in many other cats, dogs, and horses. Over the years it has been so hard to suck up the courage to answer the animals pleading to end their suffering. Yet, out of our dear partnership as animal and human I have stepped up that responsibility to be merciful.
         What challenges me is the number of times I have seen that same pleading look in the eyes of people and have had to sit helplessly by their bed side, holding their hands and praying with them as they fight to endure till the end. While I’m a firm believer in Hospice care, and while I know that we have great drugs that ease people’s pain, I have also seen suffering so intense that drugs can’t touch. There have been many times in my life as a pastor where I have thought, “We would never allow our pets to suffer this way, why do we allow our friends and loved ones to endure such trauma.” I often long for the day where for people who are suffering at the time of death we can find safe, humane, ethical ways to help those we love to die with all grace and dignity and end their suffering.
        But more than the time of death, there is also suffering in the midst of life. For months and sometimes years people have to suffer through imaginable ordeals. As you read this blog either you, or someone you know or love is suffering. You’ve felt that pain that has put you to your knees. You have been so weighed down by grief that you have laid prostrate before life and God. How do we make it through these times?
        I was reading Philippians 1:27-30 and a verse struck a deep cord in my soul. Paul writes, “There’s far more than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting” (The Message). When I first read it I was struck, “How is suffering a gift? It feels more like a curse. But the more I thought and mediated on the verse I came to a deeper understanding. When we are having to endure great times of suffering and trial, it ultimately forces us to trust Christ. We have to trust that Christ is with us. We have to trust that Christ will guide us. We have to trust that Christ will raise up before us the people, the doctors, the friends, the counselors that will walk with us. In some cases we have to trust Christ so much that we lay ourselves or our loved ones on the alter of God and pray the prayer, ”Not my will, but thy will be done.“ It is in those ultimate moments of trust that I believe we find the true gift of suffering, and that is knowing that we are not alone, Christ is indeed with us. Through Christ presence the suffering and the pain become endurable. One time when Taylor was on a hospital table having to endure a great deal of suffering and I thought he was dying, I put my head down on his mattress and prayed that God would somehow end Taylor’s suffering. I looked up and saw a vision of Christ standing over Taylor and the doctors working on him. The situation went from panic to calm. Taylor survived. I remember holding him and feeling the blessing of his life deep in my heart. I also know over the years the many, many parents who have not had the same outcome. They have prayed the same prayer and their child died. I find this a great mystery. Why do some people live and why do some people die? I will never know. The mystery is so profound that it puts me back in the place of simply having to trust in Christ. By trusting in Christ, I find the gift of his presence. In Paul’s life he had to endure such pain and suffering because of his faith that found it a gift to suffer for Christ. I know that there are many people in our globe who do have to suffer for their faith. I have a deep respect for those who suffer for their faith. I guess on this morning I find myself thinking for about suffering with Christ. The gift is that we do not suffer alone, we suffer with Christ. As we suffer we know that Christ suffered as he endured his own death. We know that Christ the Son of God had to endure what we endure. It’s ultimately why I’m a follower of Christ rather than a Buddhist, or a Hindu or some other world religion. Christ takes our suffering very seriously. He knows our pain. He had to endure it.
I wish that Christ could take away our suffering. I’ve learned that rarely happens. Instead what I’ve found that instead of taking it away, he walks along beside us. For me, this has been the gift.
        I got home late that night and found Taylor watching TV. ”How’d it go at the hospital?“ ”Hard Dad, it was very hard. I don’t know how you do this all of the time.“ ”Yea, it’s something as a Pastor you never really get used to, you just know you have to do it, and I also know that I’m not alone.“ ”So you go with the other pastor’s to the hospitals?“ ”Sometimes we do. But Taylor what I really mean is that I’m not alone but God is with me.“ ”Humm“ he said. Taylor is going through a solid time of adolescent doubt about what his parents believe. I told him I was proud of him going to the Hospital and that I would pray for his friend. Later that night his friend past away. The suffering for the child came to an end as he entered his resurrection and his eternal life. I also knew that down at that hospital a life time of pain, suffering and grief were just beginning for two parents who had just lost their child. My prayer that night was that in the midst of the suffering they would find the gift of the Christ who is with us.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

My Doctrine

2009-07-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

        Two weeks ago I was walking around Biel hall on Sunday morning saying hello to everyone. It’s something that I love to do. I love to put a hand on a shoulder, greet people as their eating breakfast and thank them for coming to church. I always find it an honor that people come to church. With everything that a person could be doing on a Sunday morning, to think that they take time to come to church sometimes just amazes me. I like to thank people for their time and presence.
        On this particular Sunday I saw someone I didn’t recognize so I went up to them to say hello. After the usual, “How do you do, I’m Steve, I’m one of the Pastor’s here, and who are you?” She asked me, “What’s this church’s doctrine?” I was immediately taken aback. I was going to ask her how she liked her breakfast and how cute her children were, and what a beautiful morning it was, instead I got hit with, “What’s your doctrine?” My first thought was, “I think I need to go to the bathroom,” or “Isn’t it time for me to be back in the sanctuary?” I really didn’t feel like getting into a loaded theological conversation right there amidst the clamor of people and the banging of dishes. But I dropped down to my knee and first asked a few leading questions. “First let me tell you how glad I am that you’re here? Are you hear by yourself?” “No, my friend brought me.” The friend was looking a bit sheepish trying to hide behind her toast. I often like to joke that it’s a dangerous thing to bring friends to our church. Before people bring friends or relatives to church, they always ask me, “Now listen, next week, I’m bringing my friend, spouse, parents, whatever, and what are you going to be preaching on? You’re not going to be preaching one of ‘those’ sermons are you?”
        I know what they’re referring to, the sermons where I go out on a limb and get a little bit edgy. Sorry folks, I can’t guarantee that every Sunday I’ll be on my best behavior. And to be honest, sometimes I think my best behavior is when I’m edgy. It’s the cowboy Jesus in me. Some times I can’t help but get a little Yip-e-ti-yi-yo with the service.
        Our guest was someone who was a member at one of our more conservative mega church’s in the area, but was feeling a bit discouraged my their doctrine and was searching for something else. So our member invited her to Columbine to see what else was available on the theological range. I guess I had given her a dose. When the guest asked me a second time, “Please, tell me your doctrine,” I took a breath and tried to summarize what I believe we are all about at Columbine.
        “Well to be honest, we don’t have a set doctrine. We believe in God, we believe that Jesus was the Son of God. We believe he lived, died, and he rose again. We believe that the same spirit that was in Christ is in us, that God and Christ and the Holy Spirit are all one.” “So you don’t believe in the trinity?” “Well, yes, but I add one, us. A quadrinity.” I continued, “After the resurrection we believe that Jesus broke from the tomb and we’ve been trying to catch up ever since. Our doctrine, my doctrine, is that our job is to keep up with Christ.” Her eye’s began to glaze as I knew I was shooting a bit over her head, but she came here to see what we had to offer, so I decided to blaze on. “We . . .I, don’t care really about any set doctrine that the institutional church might have. I’ve never known a single doctrine to have ever saved a soul. I know a boat load of people who can cite the entire Presbyterian Book of confessions (and seriously, these people need to get a life), but yet not have one iota about what it means to have a living dynamic relationship with God and Christ. Instead of me teaching you a doctrine, I’m more interested in what it is that you believe. I’m interested in hearing how you understand you’re relationship with God. I’m curious about where you see God in your life and in the world. I’m passionate about how God is working in you and in your soul.” “So,” she said, “Everyone is free to believe what ever they want to believe?” “Well basically, at least here at Columbine. In fact, people don’t fit in here so well if they insist that everybody believes the same thing. What binds us together as a church family is the diversity of belief. We have people who are full of faith, and people who have no idea at all about what they believe, all are welcome at CUC.” I had this sense that she was on the edge of grabbing her kid and leaving, but since I was getting a bit juiced up and she was the one started the conversation I kept on rolling, “If you look around, you’ll see people of all different stripes here. We have gay and straight. Married and divorced. People who are living together, people who are single. We have Lesbian mothers who have children. They’re great parents and we celebrate their families as much as we do any other family. We don’t try to change anybody. We don’t try to convert anybody. If you come and feel the transformational spirit of God and are changed then that’s a great blessing. But as to a set of creeds that you must affirm to be a part of us, we don’t have any.” “Oh,” she said. I blessed her, and went to the next table. I haven’t seen her back, but the conversation has stuck with me.
        I’ve found myself wondering about a set of doctrines. Why do people need a set of doctrines? Is it because of a need for structure and order in their lives? Is God so mysterious and grand that we feel that we somehow need to pin the Divine down in a set of statements that we can recite? Is this really possible? God for me is like trying to nail Jello to a wall. Every time I think I have God figured out something new and mysterious happens that sends me to silence and awe. When I watch someone die, when I baptize a child, when I hear Mitch launch on the organ, when I’m overcome by the dew on a sprig of grass, the only words that describe my doctrine is, “silence.”
        This morning in my devotion I actually found something that comes as close as I would attest to a doctrine that I believe in. Romans 12, the whole chapter. As always, read it from the Message. The entire chapter speaks about not being so absorbed in our culture that you don’t question it. Paul challenges people to understand that God has chosen us. This is what makes us special, God’s choosing us. Out of this sense of God’s choosing we are to live our lives and do the work that God has given us. Then verse 12 smacks me, “Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.” There, that’s my doctrine, “Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.” The love that I feel for God comes from the depths of my being. It’s the ache I often feel for God. My love for Phoebe and the kids comes from the depths of who I am. My love of working and pastoring comes from the depths of who I am (although it can be a bit trying at times). “Love from the center of who you are,’ of course this also means that you have to have love at the center of who you are as well. I like the back door approach to Jesus great teaching, ”Love your neighbor as yourself.“ To fulfill this teaching, you have to start by looking in the mirror and love the mug that you see.
        My doctrine? I guess it’s pretty simple, Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. I pray that the core of my center is God. I pray that it’s from God that my love emanates. I believe our faith and our world would be a little better off if we took Paul’s words to heart, ”Love from the center of who you are.“

Life is God. God is Great. Amen.

2009-07-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

Rhythm, for me my morning is all about rhythm. My day’s always start with a certain Rhythm. It’s hard for me to imagine starting my day without some time in devotional. I know that some people just wake up and start their day, puttering around, turning on the T.V. or the radio. Walking out and grabbing the morning paper. Eating breakfast and talking with their spouse. I just can’t do that. Maybe it’s because of sheer habit by now, but I must start my day differently. My coffee has a timer so it’s perked by the time I wake up. I grab a cup, and go to my couch. I have my bible, journal, a few books, my Prayer Flute, my computer. I sit down and drift into the Jesus prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy on me a sinner.” The prayer forms a rhythm for me that I lull myself into. When my soul feels right I usually play for several minutes on the flute. Then silence. Then the Green Book devotional guide. Then Lectio with scripture. Then more flute. Then silence, the Jesus prayer. I pray for people on my prayer list always beginning with Phoebe, the kids, my parents and family, then people in the church. I work at trying to expand my prayers out beyond my own sphere of influence. I try to expand my prayer consciousness out to the world. I try to allow my prayer imagination to extend to places and people I don’t know. I trust that somehow the Spirit will lead these prayers. Some times I pray in tongues, not out loud, but the in the middle of my head. I don’t know where it comes from, but it does. Sometimes I know what I’m saying, other times I don’t. Again, I trust the Spirit. I often return to the scripture passage. During the Lectio, a word of phrase comes to me, as if God is speaking to me through the verse. This morning it was 2 Thess 3:5, “May the Master take you by the hand and lead you along the path of God’s love and Christ’s endurance.” I loved the image of Christ taking me by the hand and leading me down the path of the day that is about to unfold. I then turn to journaling. I love putting words down on paper and turning different thoughts around. Since I was twenty I’ve kept a journal. Switching from hand written to typing the journal has been a new experience, but I’m liking it. I type faster than I write, so I can keep pace with my thoughts. Typing the journal has also allowed me to put this on the blog. I never thought I would write a blog. I’ve shied away from putting some of my deep thoughts out there for just anyone to read, and so far, no one has, which I think is fun. But . . .who knows. I just hope that if anyone does read the blog, these words will spur them to their own spiritual work.
Back to the Rhythm, by the end of my devotional time, I feel a rhythm in my soul. I feel at peace and grounded in God. It’s always my desire that the rhythm of the devotion will stay with me through the day. I try to keep the scripture passage in my head. I try to keep the Jesus prayer rocking in my soul. I try to keep with me the people that I’ve been praying for. While I work out, commute, deal with people, work with the staff, write sermons, I try to keep the rhythm of the devotion with me. More often than not, I forget all about the insights from the morning. While I eat my lunch I usually can’t remember what the morning passage was. But even so, late in the day I go back to the devotion time, the gentle rocking in the lap of my divine poppa. My soul feels good. The Jesus prayer keeps me connected. By days end, I’m usually so tired I can’t pray, instead I read. I try to always read something that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Right now I’m reading a Louis Lamore Western. I often only last about twenty minutes until the book slaps my chest because I’ve fallen asleep. I let go of the day, sleep only to rise to find that rhythm again.

Life is good. God is great. Amen.

2009-07-10T07:04:00.001-07:00

As I was driving home last night up through turkey creek canyon on hi-way 285 I had this overwhelming sense of peace and joy. The air had cooled as I climbed in elevation. I had the window down and my hand resting on the side view mirror. The radio was off, except for the sound of the wind it was quiet. As I drove I had this deep sense of gratitude for my life. I found my self saying thank you, thank you, thank you, for my life. I felt this deep love for Phoebe. I felt a deep love for each of my kids. I felt a deep love for my work. I realized that my job was using all of the gifts that God had given me. I loved the congregation and the people in it. I loved the staff of people that I work with. I felt close to God. It was just one of those breath taking moments when all things seemed to click together. I was at peace with the universe.
As I continued up the road some of my next thoughts were how fortunate I was to have such feelings. My past week was filled with conversations with people who were frustrated and pained about their life. They hated their jobs. Their marriages were struggling. Either they or their loved ones were wrestling with severe illness. Some had expressed that they had lost their way in their lives. As I listen to these people I find a great deal of peace of being with them. Their hardships and sorrows fill me not with sadness, but with a deep sense of God’s presence. I realize that while they feel sorrow or pain I know that God is with them. There is something in our coming together that allows me to feel the presence of God in and through them. Maybe it’s a reflection of when Jesus said, “Whenever two or more are gathered in my name, there I am also.” When I am with people I often feel a deep spiritual connection to Christ, to God, to the Holy Spirit, and with the person. But there is also something more.
Yesterday in my devotion I came upon a verse from 2 Corinthians 1:3, “God comes along side of us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us” (The Message). My life has not always been so peaceful. There have many many years where I have wrestled with own demons of doubt and despair. Our family has struggled with many health issues. There have been several times where I have felt as though I have lost my way in life. But looking back upon those times, I know that I was never alone. It some of my darkest times I knew that God had come along side of me. I also know that God brought other people along side of me. It was through the presence of friends, counselors, even strangers, that I felt God leading me forward. I feel as though that now in my times of peace God uses me to come along side of others to walk with them in a nonjudgemental, and hopefully caring way.
As I pulled into my drive way, I passed a fawn and a doe in the meadow by our house. The evening sun cast a shadow of the two together. It was peaceful, contented. I just sat there and thanked God for that moment. I know that today, and maybe tomorrow my life could suddenly turn and be full of pain and sorrow. Bur for right then, in that moment all was at peace in my life.

Life is God. God is Great. Amen.

Waking Up To God Active and Among Us

2009-07-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a bit of a long day. By the time I got home I was pretty tired. While it just felt like an ordinary day, I couldn't figure out why I was so tired. I pulled out my journal and began to write about the day. As I wrote I began to understand why I was feeling a bit tired.

There was the man who was living out of his car who came to the church for help. My heart went out to him. He had been to all of the local agencies but still needed money for gas and food. We helped him out with some gas money and enough to buy some groceries. We are seeing more and more people in need come to the church's door. I'm beginning to feel that it's time that we create a food and clothing pantry in our own church.

I had a conversation with a woman distraught over a relationship that was falling apart. I had a conversation with a person deeply concerned with her loved one falling deeper into depression. I met with a family to plan a funeral for their loved one. I had the ongoing concern for several of our members who are battling life threatening illness, cancer, diabetes. As I prepared for bed these people and issues were rattling around in my head as I began to say my evening prayers.

I woke before 5:00 alarm for my morning devotions. I sat up, crossed myself to dedicate the day to God. I came out to my couch and began to pray. I turned to the scripture passage for the day and read Acts 9:32-43 where Peter heals both Aenaes and raises Tabitha from the dead. What struck me about the passage is that people didn't praise or worship Peter, but instead were turned to the presence of Christ in their midst. Peter's acts of mercy made people aware of the presence of God, "Everybody in Lydda and Sharon saw Peter walking around and woke up to the fact that God was alive and active among them." After Peter raised Tabitha, "many put their trust in the Master." As I did Lectio with the passage I began to reflect that this is what should be the impact that all of our lives have upon those around us. Through how we love and interact with others our lives should make people, "wake up to the fact that God is alive and active among us." How we love and care for one another should allow people to put their trust in Christ.

A quote from Grace Adolhsen Brame wove it's way into my devotion. I found this in the Green Book, A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God, (which by the way, is a devotional book that I highly recommend). Brame writes, "Most of us pray that God will do something to us or for us, but God wants to do something in us and through us." I so agree with this. The purpose of our prayer is not so much that God will heal us, but that we might put ourselves into God's presence so that ultimately God can heal others. God wants to work through us to touch other lives.

For me, this is the ultimate reason why I pray and try to sink my life into the presence of God. I desire that through my life people might, "wake up to the fact that God is alive and active among us." I pray not so much to fill my soul, which does happen, but so that God might be able to work in me and through me to touch others.

Today brings another opportunity to work, listen, move about and live among the people of the world. I can only pray that I might live in such a way that I can be a conduit for them to see God and put their trust in God.

Life is Good. God is great. Amen.

Eating Summer

2009-07-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took a juicy bite of summer. I bit into a plum that was a deep purple. It tasted sweet and fresh. I then took a bite from a white meat nectarine. The juice ran down my hand, and wrist. I had to run and eat it over the sink. These two small pieces of fruit reminded me of the glory of summer and my desire to savor each and every moment of these glorious days we're living in.

Life is good. God is great. Amen

2009-07-06T07:40:00.001-07:00

All Roads Lead To God

2009-07-06T07:12:00.000-07:00

A passage from the Psalms spoke to me today. Psalm 25: 10, from the Message. “From now on, every road you travel will take you to God.” This passage so resonates with my own being and beliefs.

Long ago I realized that with God there is no such thing as a step in the wrong direction. That through God’s will God is able to use all of our life steps to bring us closer to God. Even those steps that we feel are abysmal failures, God is able to use to further God’s will for our lives.

Even when we think that we’re straying from God, God is there. These paths that might even lead us into what we would call wrong doing, even evil, even these lead us to God. We find God in the midst of our conscious that urges us to change, to redirect our lives, to repent and change.

“From now on, every road you travel will take you to God” helps me know and believe in my heart that God is a constant companion. God is one who travels and sojourns with us. We are never alone, but God is with us. God is our companion as well as our destination. He is with us, and he is where we are going.

Personally, as I travel through the roads of life, I strive to be aware of God’s presence always. I try to see God in everything around me. I look for God in the flowers that are blooming, in the chickadees, and nuthatches that come to the feeder. I meditate upon the wonder of God when the hummingbirds zoom in and take a long drought from their blend of sugar and water.

"From now on, every road you travel will take you to God.“ I take this verse very literally at times. When I travel down the road called S. Sante Fe, a road filled with huge trucks and heavy traffic, I try to pray for those around me. When I’m on the road called c-470 and people fly past me as I putt along at the speed limit, I pray for them and their busy schedules. When I drive Hampden that leads to Swedish, Broadway that leads to Littleton, or 17’th that leads to St. Joe’s or Presbyterian St. Lukes, I pray that I will be open to seeing and being with God as I enter into these holy places. Hospitals are holy places for me. There are more people praying in hospitals that in any church. I often feel like I’m entering into a holy sanctuary when I enter into a hospital. So as I live my life today, may I be aware of the God who is with me as I travel the road of life. May I pause long enough to hear God’s voice as she speaks to me. May I open my mouth and speak to this God who is with me. May I have the courage to let go of life and take God’s hand when it is my time to end this road and come to my destination.

And life is good, God is great. Amen.